Saturday, December 31, 2005

2006

Happy new year everybody.

It's late. I just got home. I'm tired.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Hey, what's in the fridge?

Jello?! Lunchables?! Sunny D?!

ALRIGHT!!!!

Merry Christmas 2005!

What shiney new things did I receive this year?

Hammer pants, hammer pants, and oh yeah, hammer pants.

Ok seriously, I got stuff. Maybe you'll find out, maybe you won't.

Okay.

Btw, the Redskins won yesterday.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Dungy boy takes own life?

ESPN.com news services
Dec. 23 A medical examiner's preliminary report Friday confirmed that the 18-year-old son of Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy took his own life, although the cause of death will not be determined for four to six weeks.

Dr. Jacqueline Lee released the findings and said there was no evidence of foul play. Lee ordered a toxicology study, and until it is finished the cause and manner of James Dungy's death are listed as pending. Do you want to know more?


Dude, it was only 1 game, and the Colts already clinched home field advantage; don't make football games a matter of life and death.

/condolences to the Dungy family

Brad Renfro arrested in Skid Row drug sting

Brad Renfro arrested and spends several hours in jail until released on a $10,000 bond.

Apparently yacht thievery was not enough for Mr. Renfro, he wanted to up the anty with a CDS possession charge.

Are we still giving out darwin awards for 2005 or do I have to wait for 2006?

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Cowboys really suck

They are so Defenseless. 35-7. A 28 point victory.

The Colts lost, but so what, Redskins are in 2nd place!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Someone stole a BABY JESUS!!!

A 70 year old woman in Arkansas stole a baby jesus! That's one badass grammy!

Think this is just an Arkansas thing? It's in Virginia too. And South Africa. OHIO. Florida. Oregon. Tennessee. Texas. Alabama. England.

Okay I'm tired of going through Google News, let's just say there is NO PLACE where a baby Jesus is safe! Muahahahahahaha!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

7 Days Torn show this Saturday

William Ira Cargo - The Best Grandfather Ever!

RIP
Feburary 27, 1917 - December 13, 2005
William Ira Cargo


Grandpa, you died on a Tuesday. You were 88 years young. I miss you already. Holidays just will not be the same without you around. Rest in peace, Grandpa.

If anybody wants to know more about him:
Cargo, William Ira (b. 1917) — also known as William I. Cargo — of Florida. Born in Detroit, Wayne County, Mich., February 27, 1917. Served in the U.S. Navy during World War II; Foreign Service officer; U.S. Ambassador to Nepal, 1973-76.

Here is the paid death notice from the NY Times:
CARGO-William Ira (Bill). Age 88, on Tuesday, December 13, 2005, of Columbia, MD. Beloved husband of Margaret ``Margot'' Grace Ludwig Cargo for more than 67 years, died at the Gilchrist Center for Hospice Care in Baltimore, MD, following a brief illness. He is survived by one son, David Paul Cargo; one daughter, Ruth Cargo and three grandchildren, all of Columbia, MD. Services will be held at Shaw Funeral Home, Lehman Chapel, 205 N. Elizabeth St, Bellevue, MI, on Tuesday, December 20, 2005, at 2 pm. Interment to follow at Riverside Cemetery, Bellevue, MI. A memorial service will be held at the Vantage House, 5400 Vantage Point Road, Columbia, MD, on Saturday, January 21, 2006, at 1:30 pm. In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made in William's honor to Doctors Without Borders USA, PO Box 1856, Merrifield, VA 22116-8056, and the Hospice of Howard County, 5537 Twin Knolls Rd, Suite 433, Columbia, MD 21045; (410) 265-0075. For information, Witzke Funeral Homes, Inc, 5555 Twin Knolls Road, Columbia, MD, and Shaw Funeral Home, Battle Creek, MI.
Published in the New York Times on 12/19/2005.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Monday, November 21, 2005

Life Update #4309582345234h

Okay, I haven't posted much of anything. I've been busy.

A) Painting
B) Packing
C) Cleaning
D) Working
E) Partying
F) All of the Above.

Sorry. You all can hit me in the kidney.

I haven't posted anything in days, so...

I took a Dane Cook quiz...



DC Fanatic
You scored 205 SuFi Points!

You fuckin stalker *smirk*.. me too though.. You are awesome because you listen to the best known comedian on the face of this planet.. Doesn't he just make you wanna load an oozy with sugar bullets and shoot yourself in the tongue? He is sooo sweet and candy-ish.. ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT ;)







My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 58% on SuFi Points




Link: The Dane Cook Fanatic Test written by HotNanny23 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Alright!

#1 on Google for 'Hitler is a fag'!

Whoa, this is pretty sad.

CPL Sammy Boswell died in Iraq last month. No, he isn't related to me, but the article says he grew up in Fulton, MD and was 20 years old, which is near where my brother went to Elementary school for a year. The thing is, in that year he knew a Sam Boswell in the same grade as him.

This is probably the same kid. How sad.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Bel Air Bash

For all you people in Baltimore, the BEL AIR BASH is this Saturday!

Featuring the bands SKITZO CALYPSO, 7 DAYS TORN, LENNEX, HALFWAY BROKEN, ANUBIS, TEARS OF MARS, and OF BROKEN.

When: Saturday Nov 19, 2005
at 5:00 PM

Where: St Margarets Church
141 N hickory ave
Bel Air, MD 21014
US

See you there.

The meaning of a friend

A good friend is somebody who bails you out of jail, but a true friend is somebody who is sitting right next to you saying, "Damn, we fucked up."

Monday, November 14, 2005

Campbells soup from 1996

Yup, I just found a really old can of Campbells soup. Some vegetable soup, but it's from 1996. And no, it's not edible anymore, all the water evaporated.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

7 Days Torn rocks

I was at Fletchers tonight to see 7 days torn, and they fucking rocked as usual.

Fucking check them out. They are on myspace. Listen to their shit.

Cock fuckity fuck fuck motherfuck. Had to throw in a bit more useless profanity.

Btw, if Mykal is reading this, thanks for the lemon drop.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Zombie porn!

I know you've been waiting forever and ever for this breakthrough in the porn industry, but without further ado, I bring you... the RE-PENETRATOR!

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Ehrlich losing big in the polls

Baltimore Mayor Martin O'Malley is leading Gov. Robert Ehrlich by 15% in the polls for Maryland's gubernatorial race. O'Malley's other competition, Montgomery County democrat Doug Duncan, is leading Ehrlich by 5%. O'Malley is leading Duncan by 19%.

Maryland is not GOP friendly.

Sunday, November 6, 2005

My site is something awful?

I've heard a certain someone submitted my site to something awful.... thanks. :) I could use the extra hits.

Seriously though, I could care less. I wish more people would do that.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

I love dead cops.

[Millions of dead cops]

Yeah that's right. Damn Howard County cops don't know how to direct traffic. Tell me why they let everybody else go through like 16 tiimes and they still hadn't let us go through. I bet they still haven't. I had to make a U-turn to get out of that traffic nightmare next to Long Reach High School.

Stupid fucking cops should learn how to direct traffic. YOU LET EVERYBODY HAVE A TURN! You don't let one side keep backing up and backing up and backing up through traffic lights!

Friday, October 28, 2005

The Shaft

Last Saturday I flipped thru the channels and found this great movie! It's called "The Shaft"! You probably guessed it, it's about an elevator and an elevator shaft, but that's not just any ordinary elevator that moves up and down, this one kills people because it's POSSESSED by some EVIL force! A force we later find to be the doings of a MAD scientist.

You have to be on some kind of drugs to come up with this shit. Honestly, it's about an ELEVATOR that KILLS people. Why is Naomi Watts in this crap? Four guys (because no one brain could have come up with something this bad) must have been lounging around smoking the pot and going "Duuuuuuuude....it's about an elevator...No dude, we need something else, that's enough....oh my God dude, how bout an elevator that takes people to random points in their lives...duuuuude no, that's ghey, we should make an elevator that kills people, and the movie will have horrible dialogue and atrocious acting!"

Yeah. Don't see it.

The Shaft

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Warren Buffet speaks out

Hey Oliver reads fortune, and found something pretty neat...

On the idea of a flat tax
I wouldn’t support it. We have, in my view, a taxation system that’s much too flat already. If you look at the payroll tax—which is over 12% now, and that applies on the first $80,000 or $90,000 of income—Bill and I pay practically none of that in relation to our income. For the people that work for us, their tax rate in many cases is the same or even higher than my own, since the rate on capital gains and dividends was cut to 15%. What has gone on in this country in recent years is a huge benefit to the very rich and not that much relief to people down below. Frankly, I think that Bill and I should have a higher tax rate on the income we get. We pay less than half the rate that I was paying 25 years ago when I was making a lot less money. They have really taken care of the rich.


Warren Buffett is the second richest man in America the universe and has just stated that he thinks he the wealthiest %3 ought to be taxed more. Just wanted to further clarify that.

Is this cool or what?




Your Daddy Is Ozzy Osbourne



What You Call Him: Daddy Dearest

Why You Love Him: He takes you to Disneyland

YOU'RE MESSING ME UP!!

Note to kid: Do not leave the XBOX Live mic on when you are arguing with your mom.

Ravens find white substance

The other day Ravens coach Brian Billick had to pull his team off the field because of a white substance that was found. They brought in the police, but it was discovered that it was just the goal line, and that they had forgotten what it looked like.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Hitler was a Fag



Judging by this picture, Hitler sure does look like a flaming homo.

Not like there's anything wrong with that.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Matt Nathanson @ Recher Theater tonight

Who: Matt Nathanson
Where: Recher Theater, Towson.
When: Doors 7PM, Matt goes on at 9:30

Come see John Thomasson play bass! He's cool, and the reason I get in for free. Gotta love guest lists!

Can money buy happiness?

If that means not having to worry about paying bills and not living paycheck to paycheck, then Michele says yes.

The question is not "can a big screen tv and a fleet of Mercedes make you a happier person overall?" If I had enough money where I didn't have to live check to check, that would make me a much happier person than I am now.

Monday, October 17, 2005

WILMA!!!!

Yet another hurricane. There goes the cheap gas as of late. Fuck.

Just tell me why hurricanes never effected oil in previous years? All of a sudden they effect the price of oil? What gives?

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Answer is in Plastic

There is price gouging and the proof is in plastic.

Has anyone but me ever wondered why prices of gas are skyrocketing while the prices on plastic goods made in this country and around the world have literally stayed the same? The truth is that plastic products are made from petroleum, the same petroleum you use in your vehicle every day. Go to your local department store and see for yourself. Plastic toys, televisions, computers and other things made with plastic have not gone up at all. Go down to your local car dealership and look at the prices for an automobile. I will guess that plastic makes up about 30 percent to 40 percent on a new vehicle, yet the prices have stayed pretty much level in price.


If there are oil shortages, than how come the price of plastic hasn't increased at all?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Let's all beat up this drunk guy!

So this guy is drunk and behaving in the normal drunken stupor and two New Orleans cops kick his ass... because, get this... he stumbled into a police horse! Oh the humanity of it all! He's drunk. You don't arrest him. You get him off the street by driving him home, if he won't say where he lives, drop him off at a homeless shelter. That is, if you can find time in between your grand larceny joy rides.

But it's easier to beat up the drunk old man.

Praying for Hurricane victims?

Yeah, let's pray, that'll help them recover.

OR we could invest more money and BUILD A BETTER LEVEE SYSTEM!

OHMYGOD! It could work!

But if you are gonna rely on praying then let's just bulldoze all the existing levees and put the fate of New Orleans in God's hands.

Fucking idiots spending their time praying when they could do something more constructive and create better levees!

Donate to any charity, do work yourself, but don't waste your time praying! If praying worked then we wouldn't need levees, would we?

Harriet Miers has no credentials whatsoever.

Harriet Miers is not fit to be a Supreme Court Justice. You know why?

SHE HAS NEVER BEEN A JUDGE! How do we know how she will interpret the constitution? At least with Chief Justice John G. Roberts we have a good idea where he stands, but this stupid broad needs to go back to Texas! Give another go around at that Lottery hootenanny! Yee-haw!

Seriously, the fact that she has no judicial experience is the REASON why we need to delve into her religious beliefs, because who knows, she's probably one of these nutjobs who think they are God's hand or something.

But this sets an interesting precedent. Some day when someone I know is President, I too, will be able to be a Justice on the Supreme Court. I don't know about you, but I can't wait!

Harriet, go back to Texas and get some experience. KTHXBYE.

Sunday, October 9, 2005

Walkin down the street, pushin my mower.

Yesterday I saw a man pushing a lawn mower down Lombard Street in Downtown Baltimore. He wasn't just walking down the sidewalk with a push mower, he was walking down the sidewalk with a push mower towards a bus stop. He stopped at the bus stop. God only knows why he needed to take his lawn mower on the bus that day, God only knows... God help us all.

I can't believe I didn't have my camera...

Monday, October 3, 2005

Takin' it up the gas...

There is price gouging going on...

Eight Democratic governors asked two weeks ago for an investigation by the Federal Trade Commission, which already had begun the probe. "To price-gouge consumers under normal circumstances is dishonest enough, but to make money off of the severe misfortune of others is downright immoral," the governors said in a letter to the commission.

Lingle has asked Attorney General Mark Bennett to join other state attorneys general in supporting the FTC investigation of possible unlawful conduct. The Senate has approved a $1 million amendment to an appropriations bill to pay for the investigation.

In a letter to the FTC, the governors cited a study by Don Nichols, a University of Wisconsin economist, concluding that for gas prices to reach $3 a gallon, crude oil prices would have to reach $95 a barrel, about $30 more than they have remained in recent weeks.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Vegetable Oil?

You can not cook my car!

Far-fetched, perhaps. But today's sky-high oil prices have sparked renewed interest in a cornucopia of exotic vehicle fuel substitutes.

Consumers in energy-hungry China are turning to molasses and cassava root to fuel their cars. Many French are trying to beat the high cost of diesel by illegally pouring sunflower oil into their tanks. And the Germans are clearing grocery store shelves of rapeseed, or canola oil, to fill up on the cheap. More...

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Get used to "Governor O'Malley"!

Show Ehrlich the fucking door

"While other states and nations are moving forward, with leaders who bring people together, I submit to you sadly that Maryland is adrift," O'Malley said. "I have reached the conclusion that we cannot allow our state to coast or slip backward, because a stronger Maryland can do better."


And let it hit him on the ass on the way out!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

NJ Sues Oil Firms

NEW YORK (Reuters) - New Jersey's Acting Gov. Richard Codey on Monday said the state had sued Motiva Shell, Amerada Hess (AHC.N: Quote, Profile, Research) and Sunoco (SUN.N: Quote, Profile, Research) for overpricing gasoline after Hurricane Katrina shut much of the Gulf of Mexico's oil production and damaged refineries.

New Jersey motorists paid an average of $2.87 a gallon on Monday, according to the American Automobile Association.

State law bars gasoline stations from raising prices more than once every 24 hours, but Codey said multiple price changes had occurred within such a period. More...


Finally something is being done about the price gouging.

New Orleans the New Venice?

I had this idea yesterday, that since New Orleans is doomed to flooding, and rebuilding to the exact way it was will just be consistantly costly, why not make it a water city like Venice, Italy? It could be a huge tourist attraction, and let's face it, how much of a tourist attraction is the city right now? With dead bodies and contaminated water?

Turn New Orleans into Venice.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Flipper the firing dolphin, is loose!

Hurricane Katrina has let loose Flipper, the firing dolphin!
Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.


That's right, attack dolphins.

Red Hot Chili Peppers' new album delayed til 2006

I cannot fucking wait for their new album to come out.
"I wish to fuck that we were putting it out sooner," said Kiedis. "I'm so excited about it and I'm so ready for it to be part of the public consciousness. It's a lot different to 'By The Way'. There are some profoundly funky songs and then there are songs that are new for us and don't sound like anything."


It's currently titled, "This Year's Diary".

The Chinaman Peed on my Rug!

Chinaman cannot blog legally anymore.

The Chinese government is taking action against bloggers and other sources of online news.

The new censorship means any organisation or individual must register with the authorities before providing news or operating an email distribution list. Portal sites are asked to give priority to government-approved copy rather than their own comment pieces, while the regulations also warn government bodies not to provide content to news websites without government permission.


So to all you Chinaman bloggers out there... keep blogging! Don't let your Gov't tell you what to do! Keep it up! (Yes there isn't a chance of the Chinaman reading this, because I am not banned in China...I am not banned in China...I am not banned in China...I am not banned in China...You don't win friends with salad.

Also, I am aware that Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclatur, Walter.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

A dead bunny

Yeah, there's a dead bunny laying right in front of my driveway. Now there's no blood in the middle of the road, so how the hell is someone going to be driving on the CURB unless they were trying to kill the bunny?

I swear, I live too close to too many rednecks. There's a million and a half pickup trucks on my street. Can we just bar them from living outside of their naturual rural habitat? And limit them to one sheep per person. There's only so many sheep!

Who knows what the bunny had in store for us, but we'd never know! Some redneck killed it with a truck!

...

Unless it was those damn yuppies with their $1500 suits and $600 cell phones. Damn them and their bunny killing appetites.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Exploiting Children!

Anybody else think this is sick? C'mon, selling ad space on your baby? What the fuck is wrong with these motherfuckers?

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Vyral @ Sonar tonight

I'll be at Sonar tonight to see Vyral. You should come out if you're from Baltimore. Tickets are $10. Doors @ 9. All ages.

Come out and see a kickass band play with fire and blood.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Why is Bush asking to pee?



He's the leader of the world, yet, he still has to ask to pee? Double you tee eff?

I'm at a loss here, folks...umm, talk to that guy over there. Bye!

Sunday, September 11, 2005

This is bad but...

What Dave Matthews Band song should be played in New Orleans?

Don't Drink the Water.

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

7 Days Torn news

I want everybody to be at the Recher Theater in Towson, MD on September 21st at 8pm to see 7 Days Torn!

Tickets available at VIP Billiards in Catonsville (right next to Pizza Hut on Route 40) or at the box office. $10 / $13 for U-21.

Recher Theater
512 York Road, Towson, MD 21204

BE THERE OR BE STUPID

How was the weekend?

Well, I drowned my cell phone in a pool, and was right next to a urinating cow. Other than that it was pretty uneventful.

So yeah, on Saturday Lily had a bright idea to throw people in a pool and wanted to throw me in. She did tell me to take out my wallet, keys, and phone, but I stupidly, took out only the first two. I still don't have a clue how I forgot about my phone, but I fully submerged it into the pool.

And yesterday from 3:30 to 10:30 I was at the Maryland State Fair. I petted the cow!!111 Then it peed.

Fortunately my cell phone started to work again this morning (I almost got another one yesterday, but held out, and now I am glad I did), and I think I have recovered from standing next to a waterfall of urine, so everything is hunky-dory.

Saturday, September 3, 2005

New Orleans Mayor has some choice words

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has a message to the President. GET THIS GUY IN A QUENTIN TARANTINO FILM!!!!!SOMEMOREEXCLAMATIONMARKS!!!!!

Friday, September 2, 2005

Way to bring politics into this, Bushie

Has anybody noticed that Bush has sent more aid to Mississippi than to Louisana? Could it possibly have anything to do with the fact that Mississippi is a red state and New Orleans is heavily democratic.

I bet if Texas had a national diaster, Bush would send over everything including the kitchen sink, but because New Orleans is mostly black, Bush is like, "Fuck 'em, let 'em eat cake."

Fuck Bush up the ass. Yes, get all the gay men of the world together to sodomize the President!!!

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Some People in New Orleans Deserve to Die

And those people are the fucks who got on the bus from the Superdome and left their pet stranded on the side of the road and those people who left their pets stranded on their rooftop. If you're gonna be that sick and inhumane, you DO NOT DESERVE TO BE RESCUED. End of story. Get the fuck in the ocean, now.

So you're in a homeless shelter aka the Superdome, and you're about to leave to go to a much better shelter, when you are told your pet cannot come with. What do you do? Do you throw your pet away like yesterday's trash or do you forcefully take your dog or cat on the bus with you and raise hell? If you're a good person, you chose the second choice.

How can people be so cruel? And it's not just about that either. It's about public health. You don't want people roaming the streets and living in a shithole, getting rabbies, so you leave that fate to your pets? What the fuck is your issue? Will the animal slow down the rescue mission? If that's the case, then what about old people? Sir! I know you have a bad back and no teeth, but you'll slow us down! You'll kill us all! GET THE FUCK OFF MY BUS! Yeah, screw animals and old people. And while we're at it, screw babies too. No, not like that, Jacko.

I hope those owners who stranded their animals die of dysentery or at the very least, never own an animal again. They aren't responsible enough. Sick fucks.

And don't give me this crap about how these people had no choice, that conditions were terrible. Being a dog owner myself, I couldn't live knowing that I abandoned a loved one and left them for dead. If the choice is to stay in crap and die a slow death or abandon my pet and live in shame for the rest of my life, I'd rather stay and die. Some of you think I'd probably change my mind if I were actually in that situation, but I doubt that, my love wouldn't disappear that easily. I just couldn't do that to a loved one.

To all those sad, inbred, degenerate folk who abandoned their pets, I hope you live in with shame and guilt for the rest of your lives.

For more information on animals stranded by Katrina.

Monday, August 29, 2005

CALL THE FCC!!!!

Somebody said a bad four letter word that starts with an 'F'!!!! On Fox News no less! OMG PRAISE THE LORD!

So what's this about burying New Orleans?

I hear there's a a category 4 hurricane headed straight for New Orleans? Freakin' sweet.

Carry on.

No seriously, New Orleans is cool but this would be cooler. Think of all the death! CAN YOU SMELL THE DEATH? KILL! KILL! KILL!

Update!
The Superdome has been infiltrated!

Friday, August 26, 2005

Almost went to a great show last night

Well, technically, I did go. The thing is that nobody else was there and I had to prevent Liz from committing public urination and flashing truckers.

So Lily, Liz, and I leave Reisterstown at about 5PM yesterday and head down I-95 South to go to the Nissan Pavilion, to see Unwritten Law, Papa Roach, and 311. Or so we thought.

First thing to go wrong is that we're using Mapquest for directions. Not just the usual internet print-out kind, the CELL PHONE kind. Mapquest ingeniously directs us into downtown Washington. We got a great view of the Washington Monument, Capital Building, and the Smithsonian... but no Nissan. :-( We eventually stop at a Quality Inn to ask for some directions, which were pretty good, so it's not just a name.

Those quality directions tell us we have to get on I-66 west to exit 43b, which is about 50 minutes away! Unwritten Law goes on at 6:30! It's already 6:30! Lily flips a bitch, "I'm missing Unwritten Law!"

But we get there, at about 7:45, to an EMPTY parking lot. We think it's because we're in the wrong parking lot, but as Liz was getting the tickets out to give to us, she notices a not-so-minor detail: the tickets say Friday, August 26th, not Thursday, August 25th, which is what the lady at Ticketmaster told her over the phone.

Oy. Vey.

We decide to just make the most of it. We take the scenic route halfway back-- we use US-29, which turns out, is the same Route 29 we have up here in MD, it just gets a little mind boggled in DC, which is why we only took it halfway back.

We take Route 29 north into Fairfax, Va and stop at a Hooters and give the waitress a 47% tip! You know, like ya do! (Liz and I split the check and each paid $13.51, and we both deciced to tip $6.49 to make it an even $20.) So don't say I never do anything for the people.

Route 29 ends somewhere in Northern Va or DC. I don't know, I got confused and wound up on 113 or something and driving straight into the Pentagon parking lot and greeted by like 8 cops. They were actually quite helpful giving us directions to Route 66, even though we changed our minds and took 395 to 50 West to 295. Oh well.

Why do all the eventful roadtrips start out so innocently? I mean, I try to go to the simpliest of places, and it turns into a thrill ride! Okay, perhaps relying on Mapquest's directions wasn't the brightest of ideas, but how do you explain not getting the date right? Are you not supposed to rely on the lady at ticketmaster? I guess you just have to look at your tickets, but that involves taking them out of that envelope ticketmaster delivers them in, and that's a purty envelope, I don't want to mess that thing up!

Well I gotta go do it for real this time.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Seether and Crossfade at Sonar tonight

Tonight I'll be at Sonar to see Seether and Crossfade! Hopefully it'll go better than last time... I really don't want to lose another pair of glasses. Playing pool again with Eddie would be cool though.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Since you've been gone

I can breathe for the first time... I'm so movin' on... yeah yeah... thanks to you... now I get...what I want...how can I put it? You put me--

Is it wrong to be so addicted to Kelly Clarkson? I'm sorry, I can't help myself.

Important News Bulletin

Where the hell is the fucking extension cord?

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Crack and Guns

Here's a joke:

You're in Baltimore City (or any major city) and you get stopped by the police with some crack and a loaded pistol, what do you do? Do you give the cop the crack or blow his head off?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

How many licks?

Mr. Turtle and Mr. Owl couldn't find out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll pop, and that stupid kid couldn't either... but my sources have told me that the number of licks is... 356.

Okay, that's all.

Things I Learned on my Trip to New Jersey

I had a little weekend getaway to New Jersey this past weekend for like a vacation. Well it was really just to see some friends, but let's pretend. First off, New Jersey wasn't as bad as the first time I went there when I was in Pennsauken and crashed my car because nobody there knows how to merge into traffic. Anyway. It was cool, but there's still those annoying aspects of New Jersey. I'll explain:

--Only in NJ does 295 North turn into 95 South. 295 is like a beltway, but half of it is the western split of I-95. It's pretty weird.

--Do not try to find a White Castle in NJ. It really is hard like in the movie. It's really not in New Brunswick. That really is a Burger King. We could have gone to Cherry Hill, but we didn't feel like dying. We really should have gone to Freehold, but for some reason, I didn't want to. Heh.

--You CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT, pump your own gas. I thought surely there'd be a few self-serv stations, but there are none of those! New Jerseyites claim it's to keep people employed, but we all know the real reason: people from NJ are too stupid to pump their own gas! Hey you! Get back in your car! You'll kill us all!

--County Roads are more like the most traveled paths that people like to take. They could be called CR 537 or something, but they really are like 5 different named roads.

--Jug handles. No, they're nothing sexual... unless I drove them wrong, but I think I actually got the hang of them.

--The Indian guy at the front desk at the motel had us believing that the price was $35/night, and we're like, "Only 70 for two nights! Score!", but then when we checked out, we learned it was 70 per night and the man at the front desk was now some white guy. I WANT THE INDIAN MAN BACK!!!

--To go anywhere involves having to drive at least 30 minutes from where you live. NJ NEEDS MORE HIGHWAYS!

--The cops around Pennington really have nothing better to do with their time. You have roads set at 25MPH intersecting roads set at 50MPH, when both roads look COMPLETELY IDENTICAL. It really makes no sense, unless if you're a cop and just want an easy road to set up a trap on.

--And like I said, I didn't crash this time. Always a plus.

But NJ can't have all the fun:

--Delaware has no signs letting you know that you're in Delaware. Maybe this no sales tax thing is bad. Give this state more money.

--Do not think you can buy cigarettes in Delaware and save money because there is no sales tax. They just hike up the retail price or tobacco tax. This isn't supposed to be funny, so amuse yourself with this.

--While on I-95 thru Philly, you pass the home of the Eagles, Flyers, and Phillies. This isn't really cool, well maybe it's a little neat, but all it really means is easy access to flip all three off. Fuck the Eagles. Fuck the Flyers. Fuck the Phillies.

So um, yeah, New Jersey isn't that bad. I mean, they no longer have that gay/transvestite governor!

Monday, August 15, 2005

Mac OS X for Intel cracked

I go away to New Jersey for the weekend (didn't get online at all) and my friend Curtis "deadmoo" installs Mac OS X on an Intel machine. Apparently he created quite a buzz, just about every news site is talking about it, including Wired and G4TV. He says Kevin Rose of The Screen Savers will be doing a story about this in his next podcast.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Can I ask WHY?

Why do women insist on taking me with them to pick out vibrators?

Monday, August 8, 2005

Gas Prices Are Unnecessarily High

The average price of gas is $2.40/g for regular unleaded, but at the stations around my home, the prices are a lot closer to $2.50/g. Why do prices have to be so high when ExxonMobile is scoring profits of $7 BILLION? If you're bringing in more money than you need, why keep milking the shit out of your customers? It doesn't make any sense. And all you can do is sit back, relax, and enjoy being price gouged. Because that's legal in America. Haven't you read the constitution? Price gouging is legal.

Also, do not give me this crap that you could just find another means of transportion. "You don't have to drive! You can ride a bike, take a cab, or a bus!" That's fucking bullshit. What about truck drivers? Are truck drivers supposed to carry their loads on their back while they bicycle down I-95? Or maybe they could just throw their shit in the trunk of a cab? Or let some old lady hold it on a bus? Other means my ass.

This is price gouging and President Bush has made it legal in America.

They be crimpin' mah ride!

Man, when I got my scion tC last August, I felt special. I felt like I driving something nobody else had. Now every fucking day I see another tC. It pisses me off. I had it first bitch, quit stealin' mah thunder!

Fucking posers.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Special

Since I don't know how badly WordPress is attacked by spammers, I am opening up my comments to everybody. You don't need to register to comment. If you want to submit stuff, go ahead and register, but to just comment, you don't need to do anything special. Unless your comment is special, then you have to. Is your comment special? It's special if you're special! Are you special? How many more times can I say the world special? Did you know that every time I have typed the world special I have mispelled it as specail? That's a special way to spell special, I'll say! I guess that makes me special?

special

Monday, August 1, 2005

Sonar and Tim Kaye

Went to Sonar with Jenna, Lily, and Curtis last night to see Tim Kaye, except we got there at 9:30 and he had already finished. So we just hung out in the lounge for a few hours and played pool. Tim walked in the lounge briefly and said "hey" and that was that.

Static X is playing at Sonar on Friday, and I may be there, if I can remember to get advanced tickets or tickets before they sell out.

Seether and Crossfade are at Sonar on the 23rd, and I am definitely going to that show. Last time Crossfade was at Sonar, back in Feburary, I wound up playing pool with Eddie. That was fun.

Well, I'm just waiting for time to pass until I can go pick up Jenna from work. I think I should stop blogging because this is starting to get boring. Oh yeah, one more thing, I put up a new logo, as you probably guessed. It's not supposed to amuse you, so if it does, I failed miserably.

Saudi Arabia a friend? I think not.

So the Saudi king dies and Bush calls Crown Prince Abdullah to express condolences and says called "Fahd 'a friend and ally of the United States for decades.'" A friend and ally? When 15 of the 19 9/11 hijackers were of Saudi citizens? Is that a friend? What did King Fahd do to controll his people? Nothing. The fucker did nothing. He's not a friend. He's an idiot. Burn in hell, King Fahd.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Devil's Rejects

The other day I saw The Devil's Rejects, and I don't know why. I never saw House of 1000 Corpses and Rob Zombie as a director really doesn't entice me, but I thought I'd give things a chance.

It wasn't that bad, if you like snuff films, which aren't particularly my cup of tea, but it was an interesting take on the whole crazy-redneck-cannibalism genre. The film starts out with a raid on the crazy redneck house, then a manhunt. And of course during the manhunt those crazy rednecks do more killing. And it's brutal. Rob Zombie tries to be artsy with things and not show the killings themselves, but he fails a few times. How else can you have a girl get smashed by an 18-wheeler and not show something?

Then the movie shifts to the revenge factor. The sherrif, played by William Forsythe, is on a mission of revenge, as his brother was once killed by one of the crazy rednecks, and he starts kicking ass and taking names. Anyway, the film ends well with a nice Bonnie and Clyde-style ending.

Should you take the kids to see this? YES!!!! There's nudity, sex, and gratuitous violence and gore! Every seven year old's favorite movie!

The Devil\'s Rejects (Unrated Widescreen Edition)

Saturday, July 30, 2005

So yeah, WordPress.

One of the nicer things about this is that if you register to comment (which you have to, because I decided to be ghey like that), you have the ability to submit post-worthy material to me. I'll probably be an elite fuck and not approve anything you submit, but you never know, it could be really special. Speaking of special, try walking through the Arundel Mills Mall parking lot anytime after 11pm, you'll find a whole array of things. You've got glass bottles, napkins, paper cups, paper plates, SOCKS, and poopy baby diapers. Hey, I think that's the first time I've used the phrase 'poopy baby diapers' in the three years I have been blogging. Actually, I think that's the first time I've used the word 'poopy'... ... I don't know how I feel about that.

Well, register and submit me stuff that I probably won't approve. Catch ya on the flipside.

Hey switch, turn it over and hit it

Well, I finally did it. I moved away from Movable Type. It hurts. Not only was it the only CMS I was used to, but it was the CMS that started it all for me, and I feel all dirty, like I just betrayed a loved one. However, WordPress is so much sleeker. It's all PHP, none of that Perl bullshit, and it even has it's own blogrolling system, so I had to switch.

Yeah, I lost the originality of my old design, but I think it was time for that to change as well. I haven't changed that layout (with the exception of the logo) in 2 years. Something needed to change. I'll eventually make a new logo to replace the text logo I have right now, and the colors may change, but for now, they won't.

Peace and keep reading if you were reading in the first place and maybe start reading if you weren't reading in the first place

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

100 Degrees of Hell

It's fucking hot. No wait, 'hot' can not possibly describe the elements today. HOLYFUCKSHIT is more like it. I walked outside in a parking lot, and it felt like I just submerged myself in 6 feet of water. I tried to sweat, and my skin said, "that's not necessary."

So it's hot and I'll give a prize to the first person who sends me something cold. Anything. As long as it's cold.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Call Harvey Birdman! 1-877-MANBIRD!

That's right! Do you need legal advice? Do you want to listen to him sing? Did you get that thing he sent you? Then call Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law! 1-877-MAN-BIRD! That's 1-877-626-2473.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Tip #128: Do not go to Denny's with gas

This is going to be short. In fact, just listen. Do not go to Denny's with gas. People will die.

That's all. It's good advice. Take it.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Podcasts? Maybe I'll try that one day...

Everybody is talking about this "Podcast" thing, and I have yet to dive head first into it. In fact, I haven't even dived in feet first, or even simply waded in the above-ground podcast pool. But maybe I should. It's definitly on my mind. Sounds like fun and tastes like happy.

Well there really isn't anything else to talk about, so I won't bore you anymore.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

EMO quote of the day

"Your so emo, all you need now is a LiveJournal acccount and an Evanescence CD." -My friend Jen, not be confused with Jenna or Gwen.

Friday, July 15, 2005

7 days torn in fells point again

all of you motherfuckers from md better come down to fletcher's (in fells point, on the corner of s.bond st and aliceanna) monday to see this kickass local band by the name of 7 DAYS TORN. cover is only $5 for all ages.

listen to some of their tunes:
www.myspace.com/7daystorn

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Pansy Girl

I've been on the ride about 5 times, but she can't withstand "MGM's Tower of Terror". Silly girl.

And the 4 year old boy who couldn't withstand "Mission: Space" is also a pansy, as well as the 77 year old woman who rode "Pirates of the Carribean".

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Worst Movie of 2004

So I finally got around to seeing Napoleon Dynamite.

It's the stupidest fucking movie ever made. It's bland. It's plain. It's boring. And most importantly, it's not funny. Which normally wouldn't be a bad thing, after all you could say that it's bland, plain, and boring because it's depicting the redundancies of real life, but you can't.

Why can't you? Because this is labeled a comedy, yet it is not funny in the slightness. Case in point: Napoleon's brother meets a black girl off the Internet and starts acting all pimp and gangsta. Like this hasn't been done before. Boring. Not funny. Case #2: Token Mexican Pedro. Yeah, let's just throw in a token mexican just to make the movie funny because as we all know, wetbacks are COMEDY GOLD! You're fucking stupid for thinking he was funny.

This is one of the worst films of 2004, and all of you who raved on and on about this movie and convinced me to see it need to have your definition of comedy examined.

That's all. Napolean Dynamite sucked.

This ain't funny

Who the fuck stole all my condoms?!?

I'm mixing 151 with Malibu rum and pineapple juice

I'm back! Again!

Yes! I have returned! For now anyway, I may slip into another deep chasm of great sex that happens when you're in the back corner of the blogosphere for too long, but for now, I am back.

Oh yeah and there's a new Maddox! He goes off on blogs.
Blogebrity: Wow, guess what this one stands for? Too easy. Hey, anyone can do it: take a blogger who's a chef, and you get: BLEF. A blogger who's a dentist? BENTIST. A female blogger with an itch? You guessed it: a BITCH.


What else... the Orioles are falling back to Earth. The Nats are on Cloud 9. Bobby Abreu won the home run derby. And the Yankees still suck.

I'm putting so many miles on my car. It's only like 10 months old and it has 37k miles on it. Already had the major servicing. It's crazy. Guess it shows how much I love the Scion tC.

That's all for now. This was a skimpy post, but I'll try to post more in the future. And if I don't, suck on my left nut.

Monday, July 11, 2005

National 7/11 Day

Today is National 7/11 day! Everybody go out and buy a slurpee to celebrate! Or perhaps a coffee.

Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Pooping at Denny's

So last night I was at Denny's and somebody totally shat in one of the urinals while we were there. I had to pee when I got there, and again after we ate, but sometime in-between somebody pooped in the urinal. I felt sorry for whoever had to clean that mess up.

That's it. I only had to talk about poop at Denny's.

Tuesday, July 5, 2005

MySpace Tip #5209142

Alright, this one is pretty simple: If the only pictures you have to share on MySpace have somebody else in them, please point out which one of them is you. It would be appreciated.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

War of the Worlds

Despite having to wait an hour and eventually switch theaters because a projector wouldn't run properly, this movie was FUCKING AWESOME. Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning feed off each other so well, who knows, maybe in ten years, they'll be dating. And let's not forget about Tim Robbins. I was surprised to see him in the movie, as I hadn't read much about the film, and I was overjoyed. His role was small, but it definitely enhanced the film. There isn't anything negative I can say about the film, there are some holes, but it's almost to be expected with films from this genre so I really don't care.

See this on the big screen or don't even bother.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Oh yeah, I had to change a tire.

Pot holes suck. Fill them all now.

I apparently hit one. Not sure when, but probably in the past week. Today I was a gas station in Pikesville and some lady ran up to the car to tell me my right rear tire was flat. It was really flat. There's no apparent gash in it, so it can probably be sealed. I hope so. But yeah, I have my donut on now. Fuckin' donuts.

I also feel like shit. Have some sort of chest cold. Is it going around? Just took some NyQuil, the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, how the fuck did I wake up on the kitchen floor medicine.

Going to sleep. And read my last post, my best friend is an escort, get her while her prices are cheap, 'cause she's so good, they're going nowhere but up. The best thing though, you all have to pay to see her naked. I don't. Bwhahahaha. I talk to her while she's taking a shower all the time. ^_^

The Orlando Bloom Audition Process OR Orlando Bloom Fucking Sucks

Anybody see Kingdom of Heaven? Yes, it sucks, but that's not my point. My point is that Orlando Bloom plays a blacksmith, again. He also has a sword, again.

Basically, when Orlando Bloom walks into an audition, he asks, "Can I play a blacksmith? No? Well do I at least get to play with a sword? ROCK ON, I'M IN!"

Orlando Bloom cannot act. He plays the same characters and the same roles. That is not acting. That is being yourself. Yes, I just called Orlando Bloom a fucking sword-carrying blacksmith. Got a problem with it, bitch? That's right... And what?!?

Orlando Bloom is the worst actor ever. He has zero range. If his range were a food that sucks it'd be really bad dog food. Put him in a Tarantino movie, at least let him get typecasted by somebody who's cool.

And one more thing, Orlando, you're not hot. Girls don't want you. I know, it stings, doesn't it?

The Cowardly Lion is a Pussy

Anybody ever realize that the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz was a pussy? In 2 of the 3 most popular definitions? I think about a lot when I'm bored.

Yet Another Friday Night Story

Okay, so I had yet another amazing night this past Friday (6/17). So great in fact that I've been too fucking tired to tell you all about it til now. I think you've dealt with those realizations pretty well. Patience is a virtue, never forget that.

ACT ONE
Alright, so Friday at about 5:30 in the PM, I leave Columbia to go pick up Jenna in Pikesville. It usually takes about 25-30 minutes, it took 60. SIXTY FUCKING MINUTES. The reason? There was an accident on I-70 East. I must have been at a complete dead stop for 10 minutes at one point. Nothing was moving. Looking back it foreshadowed things to come quite nicely.

The traffic Gods AKA MD State Troopers finally cleared the cars to the side and traffic started moving, and I was able to speed on I-695 West to Liberty Road as traffic was moving mighty swiftly. I get on Liberty Road, make a right onto Washington Ave, then another right onto Millford Mill Road, and right before Reisterstown Road I get stuck behind an MTA bus. First it's picking up passengers, then the light turns red. After a couple grueling minutes, I am finally at Jenna's and she gets in the car and we head back to Randallstown to pick up Lily.

I told Lily I'd pick her up at 6:30, but it was 6:30 by the time I picked up Jenna, so we got to Lily's at about 7 in the PM. We stop at Walgreens to get cigarettes and Mountain Dew, and then head over to Reisterstown to pick up Liz. Once the last of the musketeers are in the car, we head back to I-695 West to Bel Air Road to go to a bar called the Mojo Lounge, where some local bands were playing. I didn't see much of the bands and I blame the bar. For they had a pool table upstairs. After about 40 minutes, we decided to leave to go to a pool (as in swimming) party in Lithicum, MD off of West Nursey Road. We leave Mojos and get back to the car, Liz has to pee. It's one of those really bad pees, apparently, and she could not hold it in. So she just pops a squat right then and there next to the car and tries to wonder up an ingenius new kind of toilet paper... she fails. Luckily for her, Jenna offers up her t-shirt, a t-shirt she will now never wear again, as toilet tissue.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Kennedy and Lincoln

This is pretty creepy. Somebody posted this on myspace. The facts are legit.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Harry Potter in Troll?

Holy hell, I never realized that the movie Troll used the name "Harry Potter"... did JK Rowling get the name from this movie?

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Condoleeza Chickens & Rice

I just saw Condoleeza Rice on MSNBC, and I must say, not only does she look like one, but she's as dumb as a gorilla on crack. God damn.

The 5 Stages of Drinking

"Who's Ruby?"

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Last night was like whoa

So I went to the movies with Jenna last night. We saw Cinderella Man, which was actually pretty great, after which we picked up Lily and the three of us went to Liz's... And that's where the night really started.

We all were just talking first, but then they all [editor's note: I did not buy any alcolhol] decided to go get some alcohol, leaving me alone in the apartment with a sleeping grandmother in the other room. A senile grandmother. Fun. But luckily, nothing happened. I shaked my fist at thee. They get back with the booze after about 20 minutes, and we watched some family guy, then played an innocent little drinking game.

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Thanks, SI

I stopped paying for Sports Illustrated about 6 months ago, but that hasn't stopped SI from continuing to send me the magazine at it's usual intervals. Thank you Sports Illustrated for your empty promises of 'THIS IS YOUR LAST ISSUE'! I'm never paying you again!

Googlefight!

Sex beats masturbation by a landslide. Which is very refreshing to hear, but food destroys sex, and also sleep. So, in other words, everybody would rather eat than masturbate.

This has been a Bozzy's World study. You can resume eating your lemon meringue pie at any time.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Hey, so this is what it's like to blog.

I've been busy lately, so blogging has taken a back seat, but I'm still here, still funny as always. I'm actually working on something. I won't say what, but you have to guess.

It's start's with an 's' and also an 'r' and is not a superdocious refrigerator.



So guess.

Monday, June 6, 2005

Oh no! Not a phone!

Yes Virginia, Russell Crowe threw a telephone. What a fucking badass.

Friday, June 3, 2005

Today's quote

"Sleeping is a prerequisite for tomorrow." -ME

I thought of that for an away message the other night, and I thought it was so good that I had to share it with the world.

Ok bye.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

I was dead at the time.

"At the time" is now. I've been running around all day like I would if I were a chicken who got decapitated and also stepped on hot coals. Let's see I was at MPT all day doing the intern stuff, running teleprompter, being tired, then I went to work and did menial shit. Now I am home, finally. Hungry as all hell. More tired than the fucking mall. Wait, that made no sense. Wait, yes it did. I'm tired. I need a shower too. I stink.

On top of all this, I've got two people demanding my attention tonight for two different things. Jenna and her wiccan self wants to go to a haunted house, and Lily wants to bowling. It's my own damn fault. I've been so tired lately I stupidly and unknowningly made conflicting plans. Way to go Boz, you're awesome.

I'm in a pickle. It's sticky and unpleasant.

Monday, May 30, 2005

My car wants my dvds to wear a seat belt

I just went out and bought some DVDs and also Mac OS X Tiger, and I of course put them on the passenger's seat. Stick with me here... the passenger seat belt light starts to blink. Apparently, they're heavy enough that they could pose as a small child or a midget! Best day of shopping ever.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

I'm selling my dignity to the lowest bidder

Who wants my dignity? Yes, I still have some to give away, and I am giving away all of it. To the lowest bidder. Do what you please with my dignity, for I no longer need it's assistance in life. So start the bidding war!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Erik Myers!

I subscribe to the mailing list for the Baltimore Improv and when I checked my email today, well one of the many times I checked it today, I saw that Erik Myers is performing there this Thursday thru Sunday (26-29th) and immediately I thought if this was the same Erik Myers who I knew from Oakland Mills Middle School. I think he is. The Erik Myers I knew was always hysterical so I am not at all surprised by him becoming a stand-up comedian.

So I plan to be there this weekend for one of his shows.

Here is an interview I found and I also found this.

update: very early on 5/30
Went to his Sunday show...fuckin hysterical!

One Sentence Movie Reviews

Not becaues I'm lazy... okay I'm lazy.

Monster in Law - Best J.LO movie ever.

Crash - Everybody has their good side as well as their bad sides.

House of Wax - Paris takes it in the head. You now, instead of taking head.

The Interpreter - I slept thru most of this.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Really funny, but ends to quickly.

Revenge of the Sith - A good ending.

Well, that's all we have til I go see another movie. Do not share your spaghetti, you may trip on an apple.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Is this thing still on?

I'm pretty dead to the world right now. Saturday night thru Sunday evening I was in Ohio. Had that urge for a random roadtrip, you know. Left with some friends at about 5pm on Saturday, got in the ghetto fantabulous Ohio motel room complete with flying ants by about 2am Sunday morning. Slept. Woke up, drove to some see friends, went to the air force museum, white castle, and left Ohio at about 7:45pm. I didn't get back til about 5am this morning. Didn't get to sleep until 9am. Slept until 2pm.

Yeah, that was short and to the point, but you have to understand, that I was dead at the time.

And you read it correctly, I went to WHITE CASTLE. Would it kill them to open up a place in Maryland? New Jersey is the closest... but New Jersey sucks monkey bladders.

In other events, I just got back from Fletcher's, saw Skitzo Calypso and 7 days torn. Fuckin awesome show.

RIP R. Edward Lopez. You are missed.

Well, I am about to fall aslee

Friday, May 20, 2005

Stupid Spam

Can somebody please tell me why I get spam for websites that don't exist? Maybe I'm stupid, but if what you're promoting doesn't exist, then what's the point of promoting it?

From: Zackary -Dana@wyndhamdeerpoint.com-
Subject: intense actions

intense action to be seen
http://eliteocentera.com/holluci/dake/elder.html

Leap, and the net will appear.


The net seems to not want to appear.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Wow, three years.

I just realized I've been actively blogging for three fucking years. That's almost important enough for you to put down your spaghetti. Seriously, put it the fuck down. Get away from those noodles.

No Smoking, and Soon No Drinking and No Talking

(with apologies to Eddie Izzard)

A DC Council member is proposing a ban on smoking in bars.

We'll just call Kathy Patterson the Fun Police right now and call it asinine.

Revenge of the Sith

Yup, I caught the midnight showing of Revenge of the Sith, and it's actually pretty damn good. The characters are developed more thoroughly and the action is very cool. Without giving much away, there's a 19-minute fight scene between Obi-Wan and Darth Vader, which happens at the same time Yoda and Supreme Chancellor Palpatine are fighting. The dialogue is kinda lame at times, but that was the case in the original triology, as well as most action movies. I'd have to say that each of the prequels consistantly got better and better. Episode I sucked, Episode II was okay, and Revenge of the Sith clearly stands out as George Lucas' best directing job, when it comes to Star Wars. The Empire Strikes Back is still my favorite, but Lucas did not direct that film.

Last night / This morning, all 14 screens at my local AMC theaters were playing the movie, and each one was packed. Yes that's a one day special event thing dumbass, but I have a feeling this movie will make $150 million over the 4-day weekend. Go see it.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT!

HFS'tival 2005 was a fucking blast. Intense heat. Pouring rain. Lightning. Sun Burns. Wow.

I got to see the following bands on the main stage: They Might be Giants, Interpol, New York Dolls (who's lead looks like Mick Jagger's father on crack), Social Distortion, Good Charlotte, BILLY IDOL, Coldplay, and Foo Fighters! I was on the field during They Might Be Giants and Billy Idol. I also caught Sum 41 and Pepper on the street stage and Victory Twin on the locals only stage.

It was fucking great. Before Victory Twin hit the local stage, Ladainian Tomlinson went on stage to make the crowd cheer for the Ravens, you heard a little bit of "Ravens rock!", but you could also hear "Redskins rock!" or "Ravens suck!", it was hilarious. Fucking purple birds.

Another funny thing about yesterday was that I was wearing a Back to the Future t-shirt (stick with me here)... now this shirt is not even the remote bit new, and nowhere near my best shirt, yet I had three people tell me they loved the shirt. Apparently my backup shirts are great too. Pad that ego.

I also ran into a dude I just met on MySpace, we went to all the same schools, only he went 10 years earlier. He was like, "Hey, you on MySpace? You who I messaged the other day?" And I'm like, "Yeah I think so, who are you?" And he added, "the undercover pimp", his name on MySpace. And that was that. I walked on.

Then when I was in the bleachers, I was looking around and who do I see not ten feet in front of me? Jackson (the redheaded one) from Grand Buffet, who who I saw awhile back at the Ottobar.

I'm so fucking burnt now, but it was worth it. I had no clue how I would take being in a stadium for 13 hours, well being around the stadium, and sometimes in it, but it was great. Billy Idol is fucking amazing. He's in such good shape for a 60 year old man too, lol. All the bands I named were fucking amazing.

Friday, May 13, 2005

I'm still alive and free.

I just realized I haven't updated since Wednesday morning, and given the aero events in DC on Wednesday, I need to say, IT WASN'T ME, and I'm still free. So keep enjoying your spaghetti.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

According to Jim

I finally watched this show. What an amazing show. James Belushi is hilarious!

This is of course what I would be saying if I liked the kind of humor that involves playing off of and sometimes downright copying your late brother's acts. I'm not totally knocking James here, he has done some funny movies, but in his show he is so trying to be John.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

OVERLEA PERSONAL PHYSCIANS!

overlypersonal.jpg

That's right, take 695 West to Bel Air Rd/Route 1 in Overlea, MD, take your first right, and turn into the shopping center, and you'll see physcians you'll never want to go to! Why? Because they're Overlea Personal!!!!!!11111!!eleven!

Random Roadtrips

Sunday night around 9ish I get a call from Jenna, she tells me she and Rob (Not her boyfriend) are driving up to New Jersey to visit some friends of hers. I'm like, "Cool. Have fun!", I go back to picking up Dana from work.

I get another call about 20 minutes later. Jenna drove the wrong way down I-95 (on the right side of the road, not that wrong way, ass) and was like, "495? Double you tee eff, mate?" So this call I get is as she is passing Routes 175 and 100 on 95, and she says, "Tell me how I wound up going south on 95 instead of North?" I didn't have an answer at that juncture. End of phone call.

At this time, Dana finally comes out of Target, where she works. I drive her home, and then go home myself. When I get a call from Jenna again. They're not going to New Jersey, she says. "James, we're not going to New Jersey." Where are they going? I asked afterwards. "New York", she replies. "@#@#@#@DWLKJS" I replied. New fucking York. When are you coming back? "Tomorrow morning", she says. Yes, she said tomorrow [Monday] morning. I said that's going to be a lot of driving. "That's going to be a lot of driving, Jenna." But she was like, "I know, it's cool." So they went to New York City, because apparently her Jersey friend wasn't in Jersey (what a surprise there), he was in New York City. So I'm like, "Cool. Have fun!" and I go to sleep thinking they'll be back tomorrow.

Sunday, May 8, 2005

Best Saturday Ever

And at the same time, I guess it could have been the worse Saturday and it all started on Friday night at about 10pm, when I drove up to see my friends (Jenna, Stacey, Ricky, Rob & Jen) in Pikesville. I got there at about 10:35, and one of them needed to use my car, well two (Jenna and Stacey) actually, and they didn't get back til about 4AM, and came in the apartment with the news that she (Jenna) just got sexally assualted at a local gas station and spent the hours of 12:30am to 3:00am at a Baltimore County sub station filing a criminal sexual assault charge. You wanna know more about the charge?
Well, when Jenna and Stacey were on their way back from Stacey's parents house picking up some more of her stuff and gas money, they stopped at an Exxon along Reisterstown Road at about 12:30 in the morning (when they said they would be back, and had this not happened they would have been back to the apartment in Pikesville on time) and proceeded to pump some gas. But the nozzle thing wasn't working. So this creepy Indian guy, about 50, who worked there came over to offer his penis assistance to my friends. He fixed the pump and they got gas, and commented on how pretty they looked and asked, "Is there anything else I can get for you two pretty ladies?" And Jenna jokingly said, "A free 20oz Mountain Dew" would be nice. And he said, "Go right ahead." So Jenna goes and gets herself a Mountain Dew, and the guy grabs her, sticks his hand up her vagina and she says, "What the fuck are you doing?" He says back, "You can't get something for nothing, sweetheart." At this point she tries to slap him but he pins her other arm. Luckily, a Baltimore County cop just pulled into the gas station and immediately ordered this pervert on the ground. Jenna and Stacey followed the cop to the station to press charges, and were there for three hours.


When they got back at nearly 4 in the morning, I was tired of watching movies all night (Dodgeball, Dogma, and some of Meet the Partents), and Jen, the person who pays rent in the apartment said it was all her fault because "she dresses like she does" and that "she was asking for it", which pissed all of us off, so we (Jenna, Rob, and I) went to the Denny's in Owings Mills (on Reisterstown Rd) from like 4:20 to 5:30 or something. Which is the appropriate time to be at a Denny's. Stacey and Ricky wanted to sleep and Jen just wanted to be a bitch (because she and the gas pervert seemed determined to make this the worst Saturday ever).

Then we wanted to play pool, but the only hall that would open before 6AM is Jack and Jills in Glen Burnie. So off to that we went. I'm glad we went, because I discovered I am best at pool when I am so tired that my hands shake and cannot keep the cue still. Somehow I manage to sink more balls, I'm not sure how that works.

We gave up pool at about 7, we decided to pick up Mike, who lives in Glen Burnie, and we wound up going to Ellicott City to look for an apartment (Since Jenna and Rob had a desire to move out of Jen's after what happened) and Columbia to buy a 6-pack of Tropicana orange juice from Giant.

Back to Pikesville it was to sleep a little. Jen was still bitchy, so Mike wanted to leave after only 20 minutes, so we got back in the car yet again and drove him back to Glen Burnie, and then went back to Pikesville to sleep, and when we got back, Jen wasn't there. We would have thanked the Lord accordingly but we all were so tired we just passed out after crossing through the threshold most people call a door. So I finally got to sleep at about 1:30 or 2 in the afternoon, and woke up at about 5 and hung out for a few hours before finally driving home.

I may move out there, because this shit is bananas.

Friday, May 6, 2005

Life Update post

I haven't had cheese today.

This Shit is Bananas

Yes, that's right, this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A.

So I was at Dennys last night/this morning. I don't think this has anything to do with bananas, but it was too early to go to Dennys. It was only 12:30AM when Jenna and I got there. That's Double T time, Dennys Time doesn't start until 3AM.

I had a point to this post, but I lost it because Dana called me. Oh and Lily, I tried to call you last night, but you had your phone off. We would have just had another person at the wrong time to be at Dennys though.

Well, I'll return later and maybe I'll make sense then.

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Punch Buggy Blue No Punch Back

bluebeetle.jpg

I paid my taxes and all I got back was this shirt...and a measly $30.26.

And the award for most non-descriptive blog title goes to Bozzy.

My mom thought I needed new shoes.

She surprised me last night with a pair of new shoes, and I asked, "do these put gas in my car?" MOM!!! I know you care about my feet, but if it won't put gas in my car, don't buy it!!! It's not new shoes, it's gas money! Oy-vay. I love you anyway, Mom.

I have to go now, if I do not post again today, tell everybody I ate bad chicken and then pray for your lives.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Breaking news: I've been a frequent shaver.

I shaved today. I shaved yesterday. And I shaved the day before yesterday. Yes, 3 days in a row! A new record! Something must be up!

Jesus, lighten up, people.

Mother of a 13 year old girl discovers MySpace.com. Invasion of her child's privacy ensues.

"And their pictures are very provocative," Marcy said. "There's shots with their butt in the air, with their thongs sticking out of it. They squeeze their elbows together to make their boobs look bigger."


Um, that's how they act around their friends, it's normal. It happened when you were in school, it happened when I was in school, and it still happens today. Get a fucking grip.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Never buy anything from Jamster

Do NOT buy anything from Jamster, for three reasons.

A) The company's board is ridden with child molestors and pedophiles.

B) Their internet ads are full of annoying sounds.

C) Their primary demographic is pedophiles.

So you don't want to support them, because they support annoyance and pedophilia.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Buffalos roam free in Maryland

You can't say nothing exciting happens in Baltimore County. The stupid owner of them is sending them to be killed, because he's an ignorant redneck hick fuck.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Sin City

Okay, I finally caught up with everybody, I went and saw "Sin City" last night. I had high hopes, and they were not dashed, not one bit. The entire movie keeps you captivated on the end of your seat. I was captured.

The movie felt like three hours long, but I did not care. I think it was only around 2 hours, but I could have and would have sat for aother 2 hours. Some would say that "Sin City" is just a sequence of stories that barely fit into a puzzle at the end, but they're wrong. They are fucking wrong. Watching "Sin City" is like watching a painter paint a masterpeice. Sometimes, it doesn't even feel like these were real actors being shot with a camera. It was like a walking, talking comic book.

This movie is loaded with big name celebrities, but the one who really stood out and BECAME his character is Mickey Rourke. He totally became Marv. Unbelievable. Clive Owen and Nick Stahl also shined brightly. But Michael Madsen was overacting, I wasn't satisfied with his performance at all. Why was Josh Hartnett in this movie at all? They could have found a cheaper, and not to mention better actor to play in his small role. I guess they just wanted star power, or maybe Robert Rodriguez just wanted to cast his friends. Oh well, didn't hurt the movie that much.

I enjoyed this so much I think it deserves a second theater viewing. Robert Rodridguez is the man, and I love how he puts "shot and cut" or sometimes "shot and chopped" in the opening titles, I absolutely love how he shoots and edits all his movies. If any filmmaker deserves the "a film by" credit, it's Robert Rodriguez.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Why did Paris Defriend Nicole? Let's brainstorm!!!!!!!

As you all are aware, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are no longer dating, I mean, are no longer friends. How did that lesbian thought get into my head?!? Bad, Bozzy, Bad!

Okay, but why are they no longer friends? Paris said, "It's no big secret that Nicole and I are no longer friends" and that "Nicole knows what she did." Hmm...

So it has to be something obvious. It's not a big secret and Nicole knows about it, and let's face it, Nicole is a bit flakey, so it must really be obvious.

This has nothing to do with Paris or Nicole, or the whole situation, but I thought it looked cool:
monster.jpg

What would be obvious? Did Nicole forget to feed Paris' cat? Or maybe Nicole was walking Paris' dog and the dog got loose and ran to the sanctuary of a moving car's tire. Or maybe it had nothing to do with animals. Let's say it had nothing to do with animals. What good stormin!

Let's brainTHUNDERstorm some more!

Friday, April 22, 2005

Ehrlich to stop pissing in the Patuxent River

Gov. Ehrlich has vowed to clean up MD's waterways, and will no longer be urinating in the Patuxent River, after tonight at midnight, when his promise goes into effect.

Also, Ehrlich announces additional plans to improve Annapolis, the biggest being that every resident will own a PSP by the end of the year, and learn the ability to teleport by the end of the month.

That Ehrlich, he's such a thinker!

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Yesterday was 420, did you know?

Just kidding, I know you knew. But anyway, DC101 and LIVE1057 were endorsing illegal drug use all day. It warmed the cockles of my liberatarian heart.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Breaking news: BBC uses the phrase 'Monkey nut'

Also, artist think's it's okay to key people's cars, and he also consider's it art! That monkey nut!

Ann Coulter Molests A Turtle!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Insane female columnist seen rescuing a trapped turtle, then disappearing.

WASHINGTON, DC-- Ann Coulter, who was out on the streets promoting her latest book, "How to Spot a Liberal in TWO Easy Steps and Filet Them Over an Open Fire", was seen coming to the aid of a trapped turtle in a storm drain. "I can't help but help one of God's little insiginifcant and helpless creatures, it's what makes the GOP so grand, in point of fact, liberals would never bat an eyelash to save a defenseless creature like I just saved", remarked the columnist as she held the turtle in her hands.

For those that do not know, Ann Coulter is a syndicated columnist and can be reached at the following website:
http://www.anncoulter.com/

The turtle, who's name is, Mr. Turtle, named after that Tootsie Roll Pop Ms. Coulter loved so much as a child, denied our request for an interview. Ms. Coulter decided to speak on his behalf, "I just want to add that Mr. Turtle is one of God's great defenseless creatures and watching that commercial growing up really taught me how to suck."

What happened next shocked us all. She gave Mr. Turtle a big kiss, hugged it, ripped it out of his shell, "Stop being shy, the insane lady quipped at the turtle" and proceeded to put it put between her massive republican legs and um, you know... Mark Smith, BW News camera man said, "I tried to stop her, but she bit me. I may be pressing charges against that dumb slut."

Ms. Coulter was last seen running off into the Anacostia River with the turtle under her arm, screaming, "I've got dinner, tonight!" We started to give chase, but the river was mighty full due to the amount of rain we've been having. We let her go.

If you or anybody you know has any information on the whereabouts of Ann Coulter, please contact the DC Animal Control at once.

Contact:
1201 New York Avenue, NE
(at the corner of New York Avenue and the Brentwood Parkway)
Washington, DC 20002
Telephone: (202) 576-6664
DC Animal Control

Ann Coulter Is A Skinny Blonde idiot

Catholicism, Wow!

Your new Pope is a former Hitler Youth. What? The former Nazi just wants some respect.

Monday, April 18, 2005

216-416-0033-- What the fuck?

Somebody called my cell phone from the number 216-416-0033 (call it, you get static) and left a vulgar message. I did a search, and it happened to somebody else, same exact number.

But unfortunately, that link doesn't help much. Any ideas?

Update: 7/26/2005

Reader mail!

i know this is random, but i am not a member of your blog, so i am sending you a myspace message.
i googled the relay number that prank called me this evening, the same one you got a call from in april. that relay number is a number you can find online somewhere, and use your computer to make relay calls. usually you have to have a certain phone to use relay, but this company lets you do it through a computer, thus allowing non-deaf people to make relay calls to other non-deaf people. i found out that it was my boyfriend's little brother calling me, so chances are someone you know found the number and used their computer to call you. so its not some crazy person calling you. just thought i would let you know, that way you can maybe post a comment in your entry to let others know what is going on when they google and find your site. thanks!

-danielle

Ann Coulter is a Dirty Skank

That's right, I went there. She's dirty. If she was from Maryland, she'd be from Dundalk. That's right, I went there as well... and came back with the smell.

TIME magazine has just made the leap from News to Porn. For more information on starlet Ann, head over to Media Matters For America.

I need another white russian.

Ann Coulter Is A Skinny Blonde idiot

The Dude Abides

Today I had to drop off my car at the shop to get the window fixed. Apparently it stopped going up, then wouldn't go down, and then we had to slap it. It's covered by the warranty, and that's a good thing, considering the whole door needs to be replaced because it involves a welded part.

So I'm car-less (again), and for the first time in I don't know long, I know for sure that I am not going out tonight. So I'm sitting here enjoying a white russian. Maybe I'll pop in The Big Lebowski...

Why does this never happen when I need to fly?

US Airways sucks at the Internet, sells flights for only $1.86 plus fees. Way to go US Airways, way to go. You're the suckiest suck that ever sucked.

IN OTHER NEWS...
Indians married two trees, need not fret, Tom DeLay, they weren't both male.
Patient dies during heart surgery of heart failure, but we want to point out that it wasn't because he caught on fire during the surgery.
Police officer: God damnit, who the fuck replaced all my cocaine with sugar?!
Worst written article of the year: Did they arrest the fans or the crew? It doesn't say!!! BAD, WRITER, BAD!
This surfer doesn't stop for sharks.
Soon you will be able to lick the screen and actually lick a porn star.
Update on the Wendy's chicken finger story: Woman apparently got too close to a leopard, then decided to blame it on Wendy. (Thanks Jason)
Where the fuck is the red key?
This is the ultimate beer bong. I guess it is, I mean, who really knows?
Take me to your bugs: Or shall I say, Agathidium bushi Miller and Wheeler, Agathidium cheneyi Miller and Wheeler and Agathidium rumsfeldi Miller and Wheeler.

Again, keep doing whatever it is that you're doing.

Mr. Rebbins, The Attack Giraffe!

A giraffe is going to come after me and kill me. You think I am being unreasonable, fuck you! You are being unreasonable, or at the very least, NOT BELIEVING! You did not have the encounter with Mr. Rebbins the attack giraffe! You have no idea what the fuck you are talking about! Mr. Rebbins is of super quality enigmatic porportions! Mr. Rebbins can run fast too, much faster than a measly human; 358.3 mph versus about 5. But we humans have the brains, right? Not so! Mr. Rebbins can read, in fact, he loves Ernest Hemingway and Ellen DeGeneres the best. He thinks Rosie O'Donnell is a fat cow, and he eats cows, so he likes her, "she tastes like yummy." Or so he told me before he threatened to killed me for not doing making his makeup the way he wanted it. Well played, Mr. Rebbins, well played.

But anyway, not only can Mr. Rebbins read, he can also do other complicated mind tasks like: alphabetizing, laundry, washing the car, googling, feeding the cats and/or dogs, getting you past that level in San Andreas, and many other virtuoso-capable things. He can paint, be he would rather make other people paint. I was made to paint. That's why I'm still alive. Mr. Rebbins said I had to paint his portrait or else! "He had to paint my portrait, or else!" So I painted Mr. Rebbins, and he said the nickname that his crew always called him was "the attack rebbins", I told him that was stupid and he looked at me menacingly and told me to shutup and paint, but I changed it to "the attack giraffe" anyway...

... Oh my God, he found me, I don't know how but he found me! I never told him I changed his nickname. Oh my God on a shit stick, he looks pis--

BLOGGING DIFFICULTIES.... please stand by.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Ehlich Losing to O'Malley

A recent poll has Baltimore Mayor Martin O'Malley (D) ahead of Maryland Governor Robert Ehrlich (R) 45-39% (+- 3%) in the possible matchup for Governor in 2006. LINK.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

A finger is worth $100,000 dollars

That's right, Wendy's needs to find out who it belongs to! If you or anybody you know has any information, regarding the whoabouts of this finger, please call 1-800-EAT-WENDYS.

Thank God this man lives in Korea, or I'd have to give him a big head start...

In other news, this chimpanzee is SMOKING!

NEVADA to the hornys: You gotta pay us to jerk off.

If you're 45, woman or man, please don't expose yourself in public. Thanks. We've got teens and twenty-somethings for that purpose.

Yeah, but did they use baseballs?

I know a lot of stuff is considered art, but an umbilical cord?

I guess you can't say the government never did anything for the ducks.

A fifteen year old girl can climb a mountain quicker than her daddy, because oh I dunno, she's fifteen and he's FORTY-EIGHT.

I will end on a sad note about Mike the headless chicken:
"He was a popular attraction until he choked to death on a corn kernel." Too bad Mike couldn't be revived.

Alright, I'm out, keep doing whatever it is that you're doing.

Wanna be startin' somethin'!

capt.mjt10204151849.michael_jackson_mjt102.jpg

"Security officers at the Santa Barbara County Courthouse search Michael for any metallic objects, because he said he wanted to be startin' somethin'."

Friday, April 15, 2005

APRIL MADNESS!!

If you are like me, then you probably don't care, but for shits and giggles, you may want to use this to you figure how the next pope will be. My bet's on Duke.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Britney Spears is Pregnant with Septuplets

That's right, the doctor gave her too many fertility drugs. See, I warned Britney about teh drugs, but she didn't listen to me. Oh no, nobody ever does. That's alright, I get to laugh and she get's fat, because she's pregnant with SEVEN babies! That's fat x 7 = Britney!

Fritos Don't Break

"Yes, Fritos do not break."

I hope I remembered the quote right, but today at MPT while we were waiting to start the show we started talking about potato chips, then dip, and somehow Fritos got tossed in. Well, not somehow. Fritos never break off in the dip.

It's a good show. If you're in Maryland, tune to Channel 22 on Comcast Cable (22 on Network too, I believe) at 7:30 tonight.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Send money or the bunny dies.

If you don't send money, Toby the rabbit is going to die.

Is this a joke? One site says yes, but MSNBC interviewed the webmasters and they say it's not.
Asked whether the Web site was a joke, he responded, "No, not at all. As a matter of fact, it's very serious. If we don't get $50,000, we are going to eat the rabbit."

So, how do you save Toby from being put in a cooking pot on June 30? The Web site says you can either buy merchandise, such as T-shirts and coffee mugs, or you can simply donate money to the cause. But after animal lovers besieged PayPal, the online payment company shut down the "save Toby" donations link.


Wait a minute... Paypal stopped the site from making money? They cannot legally do that. This may be a joke and a sick one at that, but c'mon, PayPal does not have the authority to be a censor.

This is just a clever idea to make money.

Nobody seems to have caught on to the website's flagrant reference to Con Air...

The Past, Present, and Future of Blogging

In another month, I will have been at this little thing called blogging for three years. Whoa, three years. Yes, three years. Which is usually the amount of time I quit doing something and focus my short attention span on some new shiny thing.

In the three years I have been blogging I have gone from having a day-to-day journal blog, to a tech blog, to a political blog, and most recently to a general comedy and rant blog. I guess I have a pop culture blog now, I really don't know. Everytime I try to pigeonhole my blog my head begins to hurt and I start to cry. When I cry, things just happen to break or otherwise stop working... on their own. Yeah.

Saturday, April 9, 2005

HFS'tival 2005

I just ordered my ticket to this year's HFS'tival, and no, it is not merengue either!

I was at The Recher Theater last night to see Victory Twin win the big break contest, but they didn't, these crappy fucks called Gold Mind Squad won. Their music is shit. And I did not say "the shit", but "shit" as in their music fucking sucks. "fucking sucks" is not the new way of saying cool, either. They were fucking audience whores. And their fans are fucking insane, starting these stupid mosh fights. Come near me again and I'll rip out your heart, motherfucker.

Anyway, this is my first HFS'tival, I was scared when they changed to spanish that I'd never be able to go to one, but they're doing it anyway! I can finally lose my HFS'tival virginity...you know, have sex at the HFS'tival.... Yeah. That really was funnier in my head.

GOTTA GO BYE

Friday, April 8, 2005

I can't wait to turn 25

I just found out that when I turn 25, my car insurance will be $72, it's about $142 right now. Sweet.

But the whole 'quarter of a century' thing kinda scares me a tad.

Stupid Star Wars Freaks

Lining up outside a theater 7 weeks in advance to see a movie is bad enough, but doing it outside the wrong theater?

And get this
Still, the resolute Star Wars die-hards aren't moving on. Beneath a makeshift awning, 11 people refused to relinquish their spots in line.


Hello, Earth to Nerds, you're outside the wrong fucking theater, which means your coveted spot in line isn't coveted anymore.

Tards.

There's a Laurel in Delaware!

OMG THERE IS A LAUREL IN DELAWARE!!!

btw, there also was a shooting there.

Thinned Skinned Bitch

Oooh mommy someone called me a bad word! That is what Michelle Malkin all but said.

LOL someone called her a cunt and she flipped out. Fucking internet n00b.

Thursday, April 7, 2005

$2 Tales of Funny

I've got a followup to the $2 bill revolution post!

The first one, a man tried to pay for a $114 cd player at Best Buy in Baltimore County, MD with 57 $2 bills. Yes, Fifty-Seven. The dumbass blue shirted wonder thought it was counterfeit and alerted security. Hilarity did not ensue. He was in handcuffed and ankle shackled.

The other incident took place at a Taco Bell. It doesn't say where this Taco Bell is, but for all we know, it could have been in Mexico. Gotta be someplace that doesn't recognize legal American tender.

You'd think this were deter me from paying with $2 bills, but it doesn't, it encourages me. Fucking dumbshits.