Monday, February 27, 2006

Laughing Out Loud!

Who actually does laugh out loud when they type "LOL"? Who actually says "Laughing out loud" or even "Lots of laugh" in real life? This needs to be changed, because they really mean "Hey, I thought that was mildly amusing, keep it up, send me more amusing anecdotes!"

And for that matter, if you think you change it by just typing "haha", how does that work? Did you really laugh? So even you think you thought it was mildly amusing and that you wanted them to keep sending you amusing anecdotes. Don't lie.

Can we just make it an effort, and I mean it this time, to only say "LOL" or "haha" if we actually laugh, and "LMAO" if we actually laugh our ass off, or "LMFAO" if we actually laugh our motherfucking ass off?

If we don't really do any of the above, let's just say "MA" or "MAA" if you wanted to throw in anecdotes to the abbreviation. This might just work. It may just change the size, shape, smell, and texture of the Internetwork.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

"Fucking insane."

What was insane? Last night at The Ottobar. The first act was the human beat box, Shodakeh. The second act was this crazy dude with a mic and a strobe light-- Dan Deacon, I can't even describe it. But then the third act, Peelander-Z, a "Japanese Action Comic Punk" band from NYC, rocked the fucking house. The audience and the band were completely one at certain times. They'd have people come up on-stage, sometimes giving them little instruments, and once they let three people take over the bass, electric, and drums. The band would come into the pit and play bowling with real pins and a band member. Honestly, I have never seen an act like Peelander-Z before! They're amazing.

Next up: Grand Buffet

Headlining and the reason I went was to see Grand Buffet, a hip-hop/punk duo from Pittsburgh, PA. They're about to be off the charts, and if you haven't heard of them yet, you're going to soon! Well, I just told you, but besides that. So check em out. Go to their website and download some of their mp3's, it's free. Here's one: Candy Bars. It was such an esoteric night.

Here's a quote from one of the Grand Buffet songs last night:
"We think abortion is pretty messed up, if you don't want a kid, then don't be a slut."

Friday, February 24, 2006

Wannabe Gangsters

In case anybody still doesn't know, I moved from Columbia to Randallstown, which is still in the great state of Mary's Land, and closer to Baltimore City than Columbia is, but it is still not a ghetto. Let me elaborate.

What makes a ghetto is the thugs and gangstas that live there. Well, you've got different degrees of thugs and gangsters. Columbia is too far from Baltimore or DC to really be affected, it's mostly full of suburban kids who think they're hard. They're not hard at all. I mean, look at me. We have a word for this group: posers. You can walk up to them and kick their ass, and they just cry and run home and play Everquest.

Randallstown is closer to Baltimore City, but in the end, it is still a suburb, albeit an older suburb, but you still have caldesacs and driveways and whatnot. You see people that look like thugs, who may talk a lot of shit, and sometimes back their shit up, which is something that the poser gangstas never do. So they're a little harder than those Columbian kids, but they're still suburbanites. We will call these the wannabe gangsters. You can walk up to them and kick their ass, and they'll just run home and play Grand Theft Auto and kill some strippers to get their hard back.

The real thugs can be seen in Baltimore City neighborhoods, such as Brooklyn, Dundalk-- no that's just disease-ridden prostitutes, Druid Hill, Park Heights, and Highlandtown. Those are places where you do not dare walk around when the sun has gone down. You stick to Downtown, where you can see crackheads on Lombard Street pushing a lawn mower while waiting for a bus. These are the bad ass motherfucker gangstas. You even approach these thugs with any sort of disrespect and they'll make you cry and run home and play something so far beyond Everquest... that's right, you'll play Furcadia.

Let's recap:
Columbia = Poser gangsta
Randallstown = Wannabe gangsta
Baltimore City = Bad Ass Motherfucker gangsta

Alright, remember to chew your spaghetti.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Dick Cheney Shot

A fellow quail hunter!

But the joke's on him, Cheney did not fill out the legal mumbo-jumbo!

Happy V Day everyone... That sounds too much like VD day.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Burn dust... eat my rubber!

I'm quoting a Chevy Chase movie, guess which one...

Anyway, there was another point to this post, well really the only one, and it's that I am sick and tired of the no-good kids smelling the smell that occurs when tires burn.

Well that's all. You're free to go.

Thursday, February 9, 2006

I ate too many beans

I know that I'm hungry, and it tastes good, but I think eating an entire 6-serving can of Bush's baked beans was overdoing it a bit...oh well, when I want beans, I guess I really want beans.

Monday, February 6, 2006

Get it, the GRAMMY awards!

I do not know why, but when I heard the TV say the Grammy awards I actually thought that it would be cool if we had an award show for grandmothers.

This was funnier in my head.

Friday, February 3, 2006

Oh no, not Human-Animal hybrids!

Yes, our President actually talked about human-animal hybrids in the State of the Union address...

Wow. Just wow.

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

Snorting Honeycomb

A friend once influenced me at Fletchers by snorting Vodka... and I always wanted to try that... except I didn't feel like going to the liquor store (curse you Maryland) and also snorting a liquid (I'm not hardcore enough to snort liquids), so I did the next best thing:

You know when there's only one bowl left in a box of cereal and you get all this crushed up cereal along with it? Well apparently, it feels really good when taken up the nose. My mind works in mysterious ways...

I think I invented a new drug.