Saturday, December 30, 2006

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


So what is going on with you all? Tell me or I be thrown into a vast pit of despair and depression and I'll never sell another phone again! Okay maybe that was an exaggeration.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Friday, December 8, 2006

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Turkey Day!

Instead of just saying happy thanksgiving or happy turkey day again, I will just say that Tuesday night at 11:10pm I drove all the way to Hanover, PA just to go to the 24 hour WalMart to buy some pants.

I like those pants.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Large Quantities of Mayonnaise

I was at the store yesterday buying food stuff and I mystically walked right to the mayonnaise aisle. After all, I did need some, just one of those little bottles, maybe the one with the squeeze-top, but much to my chagrin, I found a one gallon jar of mayonnaise. That's right. One gallon. The canister was larger than a gallon of milk. Did I buy it? Hell no. Why do I need a three year supply of mayonnaise when it'll expire well before that time?

Anyway, that's all for today. Just had to tell you about mayonnaise.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Daler Mehndi - Tunak Tunak Tun

This is the best video ever created. In fact, this is my second time posting it, it's that much of a bad ass. God bless Apu.

Get this video and more at


Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Monday, November 13, 2006

Friday, November 10, 2006

Neil Patrick Harris comes out of the closet.

"In an interview with People magazine Friday, the How I Met Your Mother star happily confirmed that he is gay, just two days after his rep issued a release saying the actor is "not of that persuasion.""

Heh. Didn't see that one coming.

read more | digg story

Lucas killed Indiana Jones 4

George Lucas rejects his own script (a script Steven Spielberg approved of) and consequently Indiana Jones 4 has been delayed indefinitely.

Bravo, George.

read more | digg story

Tuesday, November 7, 2006


Martin O'Malley is the next Governor of Maryland.

Eat Shit Bob Ehrlich and Cox.

Keep liking those puppies Michael Steele.

Democrats have taken over the House, and are threatening to do the same to the Senate.

I voted.

I just voted. Now I have to go to work and sell some phones.

O'Malley's gonna win.

But Michael Steele still likes puppies.

Monday, October 30, 2006

The Funniest Pictures of Cats You Will EVER See!

There we go. More cats on the Intarweb.

read more | digg story

Akeelah and The 100-Year-Old Bee?

Oh God, I see a sequel coming.

PORTLAND, Ore. - A scientist has found a 100 million-year-old bee trapped in amber, making it possibly the oldest bee ever found.

"I knew right away what it was, because I had seen bees in younger amber before," said George Poinar, a zoology professor at Oregon State University.

The bee is about 40 million years older than previously found bees. The discovery of the ancient bee may help explain the rapid expansion and diversity of flowering plants during that time.

On a random, slightly related note, I was twice stung by more than 10 bees! ...
I rock!!!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

What's the number again?

This can only end badly.

To find out what can only end badly, please dial a 1 before entering and dial again. To see it end badly, stay on the line. Your call is important to us.

Okay. That was retarded. I'm fucking tired. Anyway, you have nice shoes.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Blade going to jail?

That's right, Wesley Snipes has allegedly tried to cheat the government of $12 million dollars. In other news, scientists finally have created an invisibility cloak? YES!!!

Monday, October 9, 2006

Yup, still alive.

Busy as hell. Making money. Not nearly as much as I want, but that's always the case. I have no time do anything fun, but that doesn't really stop me. As a result, I am always tired. And the Redskins have to be sucking right now. Which isn't cool at all. They need to get their act together.

So anyway, anybody need a kitten?

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Finally. A Day Off.

Yesterday was my 11th day in a row at work. And the day ended perfectly: Seeing 7 Days Torn at Fletchers and then chillin at their practice studio off of Caton Ave. And Sunday was great too, I was able to see my Redskins put up 36 points against the supposedly great Jaguars Defense. You can't stop Santana Moss.

So I haven't decided what to do today... I think I may just keep it small and stay home and do laundry. Yes, laundry party at my house! Yeah, I'm boring.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play mAll work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. ake Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.

Yeah, I have to work tomorrow. On my day off. Yes, cue the Clerks reference. But it's okay. I need the money. I'm a trooper. Super trooper. What? Yeah! Okay.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Tell it like it is.

Little Miss Sunshine

Still working at The Mobile Solution, and still meeting more new people everyday than somebody with Alzheimer's... but yeah, things are good. I have more money now. Would like to have even more money, but I don't work in White Marsh. Meh.

I saw Little Miss Sunshine last night. Fuckin' hysterical. Especially when the door falls off the VW Bus. I didn't ruin it, you had to be there.

My Redskins are 0-2... what in the flaming fuck happened? We have so much talent, so I'm confused. I watched both games, but now I won't be able to watch any, because they all start at 1pm or 4pm. But I will be able to watch the last game of the season against the Giants... hopefully things are better the next time I get to watch them.

My car needs oil. May try to do it myself.

Gotta go, keep on doin what you're doin and quit being anal buccaneers.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Let's blog again!!!

I've been busy with my new job, The Mobile Solution, and this blog has kinda taken a backseat to things, but I'll try to post more often whenever I can...when I'm not working and today is my one day off so that's nice.

Friday night is open. So call me.

To finish out the weekend...Saturday night I'll be at the Stone Cellar in Ellicott City after work to see 7 Days Torn and Psycho Mike... and then Sunday night I'll be at Tom's Sports Tavern to watch the Redskins-Cowboys game.

I've got to go to Marshalls or Walmart now.

Thursday, September 7, 2006

The Kitty, The Bitch, and the Dresser.

It's my day off, so last night we all watched the Kitty, the Bitch, and the Dresser.

Yeah. It's a much better name. I also like the Kitty, the Bitch, and the Armoire.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Stripping to appease the Gods

Yeah, apparently the Gods love naked Nepalese women!

Kathmandu: Dozens of Nepali women stripped naked and ploughed their fields in west Nepal, hoping to appease the gods and get some much needed rain, a newspaper report said on Sunday.

About 50 women in two villages in Kapilvastu district, 190 km (120 miles) west of Kathmandu, resorted to the desperate move at night on Friday as days of prayers and Hindu ceremonies failed to bring rains for the parched paddy crop, it said.

"This is our last weapon, we used it, and there was light rainfall," Nepali daily Rajdhani quoted one of the women as saying. [source]

Saturday, August 5, 2006

I'm still alive.

Just wanted to let you all know that I am still alive. I'm just busier than usual. Continue eating your Corn Flakes with tap water.

Friday, July 21, 2006

I broke the lawn mower again.

Also the garage key broke off in the lock.

I had a job interview first thing this morning, which went great I think, but then I get back and the day goes to shit!!!

7 Days Torn @ Rams Head Live

Who: 7 Days Torn
When: Monday Jul 24, 2006 at 8:00 PM
Where: Rams Head Live / 20 Market Place / Baltimore, MD

They are opening for Candlebox and Driveblind. Tickets are $22 in advance and $23 at the door, plus a $3 surcharge for those under 21. Yes, this Rams Head show is ALL AGES!

Get your tickets from any member of the band (contact them via MySpace) or at VIP Billiards in Catonsville.

See you there!

Monday, July 17, 2006

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Oh right.

I turned 26... eleven days ago. Sorry I failed to mention.

Sweet tea!

Did you know that you can get fresh brewed sweet tea as far north as Winchester, VA?!!!! AWESOME!!!

But still not in Maryland. I want this explained to me now, God damnit.

I know I'm a little late in making this post, but whatever-- sweet tea!

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Annnnnnd We're Back!

That's right, I'm back from the trip to the ATL and Cherokee, NC. Went through six states: Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, and West Virginia. I was in North Carolina and Virginia twice. Don't worry, I am giving myself a prize for that one!

Monday, July 3, 2006

Stupid quote of the day

"Damnit James, the shower curtain rod is putting my relationship with my boyfriend in jeopardy!"

I had to post this, because it's really stupid. If an inanimate and insignifcant object can jeopardize something as serious as a RELATIONSHIP, then I think you've got larger problems than a broken shower curtain rod.

I love my friends.

Friday, June 30, 2006

I'm back

And I'm working on telling you of all my roadtrip exploits, but until I finish, just watch the snakes on the colbert report:

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Ehrlich Pest Control

Anybody else find it humorous that the first result in a Google search for Ehrlich is a pest control company, not the Governor of Maryland? Maybe it's all part of the plan.

Martin O'Malley 2006!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Tomorrow morning I leave for Atlanta the ATL, to see my parents new house crib. I'll be driving and will be gone a week. Those who have my cell phone can still call me. This isn't entirely an escapist vacation, so if you wanted to call just to talk, go ahead.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Hope is Emo

This is funny because my parent's have a dog named Hope, who is definitely emo. But we love her anyway.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Avoid the Lombard Street Gatorade Guy

Being in Baltimore City a lot, you run the possibility of running into weirdos. For example, there's this one crack-skinny black lady (usually in Fells Point) who comes up to people asking for light rail / bus money, and if you say you can't break your 20 dollar bill, don't let her see it, because she will snatch it away from you like an angry seal. But I'm not talking about that dope fiend. Let her flop around Fells Point.

I'm talking about the Lombard Street guy. You usually see him anywhere between Pratt and Light streets, and he ALWAYS has a Gatorade bottle in his hands. The bottle of Gatorade also always looks like it has urine in it. You see him walk over to the car that's a few cars in front of you, and you think, "He won't come over here, the light will be green before that." But the light doesn't change, and you realized a little too late that your windows are down and you're now too afraid to hit the button that makes them automatically cut off your passenger's hair go up, because you don't want him to know you're scared. Little miss prissy pants you.

So he comes over to the car and the open window thanks to stupid, scared out of your wits you. He apologizes like we give a damn. He kneels down on the street right by your car door (but not close enough you could easily knock him out by suddenly opening your door), as if he's suddenly found religion in a Gatorade bottle, and he says that he is from Cockeysville, Timonium, or White Marsh, or some other city in that general vicinity. He may move around a lot and change his city, but damn, he'll always say his truck broke down and that needs money for a cab. He's still on his knees. People are looking. Babies are crying. Dealers are dealing. Cops are at Brick Oven Pizza.

DRIVE AWAY! I don't care if the light is red, you fucking punch it! I've seen him get aggressive with that bottle of Gatorade. It really could be a bottle of piss you don't know. While piss is pretty harmless, do you really want to be near a fellow who carries it around? It's fucking digusting and you shouldn't hang around those crowds. That's why you drive away. And hopefully clip his feet.

Kids, don't let the grifters keep you out of the city and from going to your precious clubbin' night at Iguana Cantina (or even Club Choices). Just remember of all the grifters running about the city, there's only one that possess a Gatorade bottle and kneel down and say they're from Cockeysville or Timonium or White Marsh or some other city that's nearby those. This is the most dangerous one. Avoid him like the plague Carmen Electra Wolverine Ben Stiller.

Thursday, June 8, 2006

Fucking gerbils.

I really wanted to say that. Fucking gerbils. Now I feel tons better. Which is good, because I'm going to Disney World Allentown, PA! Yeah, off to meet the Allentownians! Be back soon, hopefully with new human specimens.

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

Today's Moment of Zen

Ann Coulter = Soon to be Barren

Read this monstrosity and then track her down and punch her several times in the ovaries. All the advances woman have made in the last 100 years to be equal with men is in jeopardy because of this idiot.

Afterthought: Why does USAToday feel the need to let people enlarge their photo of this cretin?

Ann Coulter Is A Skinny Blonde idiot

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Waste of time.

Don't need to go to the theater to see "The Omen", just go and rent it. Fuck that, have Netflix send it to you. It may be 30 years older, but it's the same. The one that just came to theaters is basically done shot for shot. The only thing new are the death scenes. It was nice to have them in 21st century special effects, but that really isn't enough of a reason to remake the movie. They were cool though, and Lieb Schreiber is great, but Julia Stiles is laughable... literally. Everyone in the theater laughed as she delivered her lines. I highly doubt that was the intention.

Start the remaking of all the sequels, you can't just remake the first one and say screw it. You need that extra commercialization!

Sunday, June 4, 2006

Friday, June 2, 2006

Chili Peppers accused of plagiarism

A US radio presenter thinks they ripped the chords and melody from his song "Mary Jane's Last Dance" for their single "Dani California".

I just downloaded his song and don't feel they sound similar enough for him to have a case. But hey, any publicity is good publicity, right? Especially since the Chili Peppers sold 442,000 copies of "Stadium Arcadium" in it's debut week.

Tom Petty has no comment.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Don't think I'm getting WarpedTM

Of all the bands, I only care to see NoFX and Rise Against. So, are those two bands worth $30 of my money? That's the question.

I feel obligated to post this...

Buy this house, damnit.

The Elevensome.

They're a gang 6 "drinking and golfing buddies" looking for 5 women for an elevensome!!

The things you find on around midnight but are too tired to post about it so you go to sleep and then wake up and almost forget to post about it, but you don't and you do post about it. The elevensome. Wow.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Invisibility Cloak!

Oh hell yes! I can use this device to my advantage. Goodbye Radio Flyer Wagons!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

This was really cool.

The guy running the Texaco station actually looked like he was from Texas. That's never happened to me before!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Stadium Arcadium

So it's been a week since Stadium Arcadium came out, and I still don't even know where to begin in describing it other than it's 28 songs of total bliss. I want to list the songs I've fallen in love with, but I'd just be listing the entire tracklist.

Go and buy this, it pays for itself.

Monday, May 8, 2006

Lily sqeaks.

This blog does not comply with daylight savings time. It's morally wrong. Think of the children.


Editor's note: Hey guys, I'm baaa--- AHHHHHH! Fuck this shit.

I only had an incident with mustard!

Yeah, I've been silent for awhile, but I have a good fucking awesome reason. I had an incident with mustard, but that's all gone now. Well, there's a faint bit of yellow on things, but I'll deal with THOSE mustard remainders very shortly. Don't rush me, only I can deal with MY mustard remainders. And you wouldn't want to mess around with me. Like LL, this mama will so knock you out. I've always wanted to say that.

<small Editor's note: Out to lunch.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Joyful Day of Joy

I get to sleep in tomorrow. Gotta get to that, Bye.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

It's 4AM and I just got home.

The All Mighty Senators show was kickass. They played from 11pm to 12:45am, and I know it's too late for math, but that's nearly 2 hours. If you haven't heard them, their tempo is super fast, complete with a trumpet and a trombone (in addition to the guitars and drums). The lead singer is the drummer, with the drum set at the front of the stage, it's really awesome. As soon as their set was over though, I high-tailed it to Canton or wherever the fuck it is, to 7 Days Torn's studio and hung out with Mykal & Anthony, who were already chillin' with Lily & Liz since they went to their show at the 8 X 10... freakin' awesome night. But I need to wake up at 7. Not smart, James, but who gives a fuck?

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Too strong for my own good...

Damn lawn mower pull strings!2314-90uqpldfjkscf;ldaskjf;'Q3TI[24K  ∏EFTWEAFG;LKERWFTP[R9-[EQWPDFKSAD;LCD

I have to go to Sears tomorrow.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Mindless Piss Drinking

The lead singer of Mindless Self Indulgence drinks his own urine. Go look it up if you don't believe me. I'm not making this up. You know what the worst thing about the lead singer of Mindless Self Indulgence drinking his own piss is? Their bassist does it to; not his own, the lead singers. MSI has no talent whatsoever.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

The poll.

Who the hell is voting for Diana Ross? Skeletor is the master of the universe! Look who dominates Google's image search for "master of the universe"! It's Skeletor. Diana Ross can't even compare... but maybe she knows how to fight afterall. She must be efficient with the carrots. Alright, I put too much thought into this. Gotta go.

I live in a sauna.

Minus the hot coals and naked guys in a towel. Well, I suppose I could just wear a towel... that may annoy the other occupants though.

Well, gotta go sweat to the oldies!
(That means do something whilst I wait for my laundry to finish, then wait around til I go to the Stone Cellar tonight.)

Thursday, April 13, 2006

John Boswell?

I decided to log into 7 Days Torn's MySpace to see if there were any new friend requests to approve and whatnot, and one of the friend requests was from this guy named John Boswell. He definitely looks like a Boswell.

Could be my long lost 4th cousin, lol.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

My cat's name is Samsonite.

Yeah, Lily gave me one of her cats. The one she called 'Sammy'. I obviously changed the name a bit. It suits him. Damn, that was pretty bad. I apologize.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Another reason I don't go to Denny's anymore

The other reason was it gives me gas, but I've never walked away with a toilet seat inadvertently. The flatulence was never that bad.

These people don't go to Denny's anymore either.

And now, pretty clouds.

Oliver pointed his camera at the sky.

I need a new digital camera. This is killing me.

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

Dani California!

I got it! I pre-ordered the album on iTunes, and I got the first single, Dani California, plus I'm entered into a contest to win a limited edition Chili Peppers iPod! FUCKIN' A!

Saturday, April 1, 2006

Show was huge.


Pretty funny that they had "7 Days Torn" on the sign which was on the ground, but they can't do numbers on their street sign. Anyhow, I'm pretty damn sure I've never seen a bigger crowd there for 7 Days Torn!

Remember to set your clocks forward an hour or I'll come to your house in my skivvies and do it for you... for some, that'll be wanted; others, not so much. :P

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Monday, March 27, 2006

I Hate Manure!

So I took my Scion tC to the shop and got a rental car, a Chevy Colbalt. First time driving an American car. It's weird.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

That's pretty cool, and you can find out more facts about Chuck Norris.

Damn fucking cowardish assholes.

So I go to Players Club to play pool with Lily and Liz last night around 9pm and we come out an hour later and find that half of my rear bumper is smashed... and no fucking note. Fucking asshole hit & run. Yes, I filed a police report. Yes, I have uninsured motor vehicle coverage.

Whoever hit my car doesn't know how to fucking park and is most likely retarded. They're probably 35 and aren't educated past the fifth grade.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

LiveJournals suck.

The other reason why I switched from Movable Type to Wordpress* is because of those goons at Six Apart had to go and assimilate the crappity crap of crapola that is LiveJournal, which means they bought them out.

The only thing good about LiveJournal is that I can go to the movies just to get that delicious popcorn and then come home and be entertained for a few minutes which seem like hours because the snooze button on the LiveJournal time clock broke.

Then I move on to the next best thing: MySpace and wonder how in the hell 16 year old girls have 35 thousand friends. Look folks, if you have that many friends ON THE INTERNET then chances are, you have 0 friends that you can actually talk to face to face. It's just called logic: Spend an ass amount of time trying to get 35,000 people to add you on MySpace = Less time for you talk to real people face to face. Twirl on that for awhile.

To sum up LiveJournal, it is nothing but drama, and when it is not drama, it is nothing.

* The other reason I switched to Wordpress is because it's better, you dingleberry.

I can't drink Gatorade again, thanks.

Apparently, there is a giant conspiracy involving sports drinks...

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

American Man

So Lily tells me that there is a magazine and they are looking for 25 year old males who have lived in Maryland for several years. I say cool and submit my info. It would be awesome to get something written about me in a magazine.

But you don't know the half of it. I tried searching for them on google.


Okay, so that really doesn't have anything to do with the magazine, but it's creepy as hell.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Tired as fuck.

Okay, so getting to sleep at about 2:45 in the AM when I knew I had to wake up at 5:45 in the AM was not that good. I was not in today. Yes, I tried not once, but twice, to use my the keyless entry device for my mom's car to open her front door. Go me. I was out like something that is out.

[being tired effects analogies in a negative manner]

Friday, March 17, 2006

Happy 92nd Sammy Baugh!

St. Patricks Day is also the birthday of the greatest Redskins player of all time, Sammy Baugh. Now 92 years old.

Reverse Racism is still Racism.

This text has been floating around MySpace and probably the entire Internet, I've seen it here and there, but I guess it's my turn to share it. There's some epithets, but there's actually a really good point behind it: reverse racism is still racism.

You call me "Cracker", "Honkey", "Whitey", "Casper" and you think it's OK.

But if I call you nigger, towelhead, sand-nigger, camel jockey, beaner, wetback, saltwater nigger, gook, or chink it's not ok because you call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi
You have the NAACP.
You have BET.

If we had WET(white entertainment television) we'd be racists.

If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.

If we had white history month, we'd be racists.

If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us.
But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.


But, you call me a racist.

Why is it that only whites can be racists?

Now watch, I'll be a racist for posting this.

Like I said, I have no idea who wrote that; it's floating around the Internet.

Nobody should be proud of their heritage.

Happy St. Patricks Day!


I will have a bottle of Midori by the end of the night. It's going to be a blast. And if I see you not wearing green or other Irish charms, you will get pinched, motherjumper.

I'm a little Irish anyway, but everybody is today, including all my Jew friends, so happy St. Patricks Day, Shalom!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Birds of a Feather Runnin' with the Wrong Flock

The other day I downloaded a few tracks off the All Mighty Senators' new album. I cannot get over how fucking awesome they are. If you know what's good for you, you'll listen to them. It's going to be a pre-requisite for reading this blog. There will be pop quizzes and a research paper.


Karma is a bitch. There is actually a reason for this post, but I will try not to gossip...

I'll say that I got a new keyboard, which should be obvious, but it has nothing to do with this post. This post is about karma. And a person. But mostly the karma. It's such a beautiful thing.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Sunday, March 12, 2006

The Redskins needed some WRs.

And they got 'em.

Yesterday is was Brandon Lloyd of the 49ers, and today Antwaan Randel-El of the Steelers!

From last nights Wizards game:
Cooley and Campbell
From left to right: Chris Cooley, Adam Archuleta, Jason Campbell, and Antwaan Randel-El

update: march 13th
Redskins signed Christian Fauria and Adam Archuleta!

Thursday, March 9, 2006

7 Days Torn in Gaithersburg tomorrow night!

Olde Towne Firehouse Cue
317 East Diamond Avenue
Gaithersburg, MD 20877



Be there by 8PM.

So if you are under 21, just hit on the door guy to get in.

You could also say you're Anthony's long lost cousin, I hear that works.

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Word of the Day

Today's word is from the Baltimore City Paper (Vol 30, No 9), and it's from the 'Massage and Relaxation' section...


I can't use that in a sentence because it's not really a word, but it's in the City Paper as some escort's masseuse's name.

If you can use it in a sentence, then I'll give you another word to put in a sentence. I'll stump you yet!

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

I'm Sorry

I left another dent in space-time. I'm still trying to get the hang of WordPress. I don't know why they put something like that in the options. They really should change that, causing black holes is not WordPress is about!

MySpace is down.

I'm pretty sure my life is going to end if it is not brought back up. Sad face. Sad face.

Sad face.

Monday, March 6, 2006

28 Fucking Songs

May 9th. Mark your calendars.


I cannot fucking wait. I need a time machine.

Saturday, March 4, 2006

I'm 100% Certain Bricks Break Toilets

Because I broke a toilet with a brick. I'm also 100% certain that toilets break bricks, because... the brick broke as well.

Thursday, March 2, 2006

Most Sexually Suggestive Lines from Star Wars

I got this from John Thomasson's blog... I'm a somewhat big fan of Star Wars, but an even bigger fan of sexually suggestive lines, so I had to post this as well.

Most sexually suggestive lines in Star Wars
10. “Get in there you big furry oaf, I don’t care what you smell!”
9. “Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?”
8. “Put that thing away before you get us all killed.”
7. “You’ve got something jammed in here real good.”
6. “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?”
5. “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.”
4. “Sorry about the mess…”
3. “Look at the size of that thing!”
2. “Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!”
1. “She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.”

The Empire Strikes Back
10. “I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.”
9. “Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?”
8. “There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.”
7. “But now we must eat. Come, good food, come…”
6. “That’s okay, I’d like to keep it on manual control for a while.”
5. “Control, control! You must learn control!”
4. “Hurry up, golden-rod…”
3. “I must’ve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?”
2. “Possible he came in through the south entrance.”
1. “And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!”

Return of the Jedi
10. “Hey, point that thing someplace else.”
9. “I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.”
8. “I never knew I had it in me.”
7. “There is good in him, I’ve felt it.”
6. “Grab me, Chewie. I’m slipping—hold on. Grab it, almost… you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me Chewie.”
5. “Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me—now I owe you one.”
4. “Back door, huh? Good idea!”
3. “She’s gonna blow!”
2. “I think you’ll fit in nicely.”
1. “Rise, my friend.”
And the best of them all…
“Wedge! Pull out! You’re not doing any good back there!”

Monday, February 27, 2006

Laughing Out Loud!

Who actually does laugh out loud when they type "LOL"? Who actually says "Laughing out loud" or even "Lots of laugh" in real life? This needs to be changed, because they really mean "Hey, I thought that was mildly amusing, keep it up, send me more amusing anecdotes!"

And for that matter, if you think you change it by just typing "haha", how does that work? Did you really laugh? So even you think you thought it was mildly amusing and that you wanted them to keep sending you amusing anecdotes. Don't lie.

Can we just make it an effort, and I mean it this time, to only say "LOL" or "haha" if we actually laugh, and "LMAO" if we actually laugh our ass off, or "LMFAO" if we actually laugh our motherfucking ass off?

If we don't really do any of the above, let's just say "MA" or "MAA" if you wanted to throw in anecdotes to the abbreviation. This might just work. It may just change the size, shape, smell, and texture of the Internetwork.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

"Fucking insane."

What was insane? Last night at The Ottobar. The first act was the human beat box, Shodakeh. The second act was this crazy dude with a mic and a strobe light-- Dan Deacon, I can't even describe it. But then the third act, Peelander-Z, a "Japanese Action Comic Punk" band from NYC, rocked the fucking house. The audience and the band were completely one at certain times. They'd have people come up on-stage, sometimes giving them little instruments, and once they let three people take over the bass, electric, and drums. The band would come into the pit and play bowling with real pins and a band member. Honestly, I have never seen an act like Peelander-Z before! They're amazing.

Next up: Grand Buffet

Headlining and the reason I went was to see Grand Buffet, a hip-hop/punk duo from Pittsburgh, PA. They're about to be off the charts, and if you haven't heard of them yet, you're going to soon! Well, I just told you, but besides that. So check em out. Go to their website and download some of their mp3's, it's free. Here's one: Candy Bars. It was such an esoteric night.

Here's a quote from one of the Grand Buffet songs last night:
"We think abortion is pretty messed up, if you don't want a kid, then don't be a slut."

Friday, February 24, 2006

Wannabe Gangsters

In case anybody still doesn't know, I moved from Columbia to Randallstown, which is still in the great state of Mary's Land, and closer to Baltimore City than Columbia is, but it is still not a ghetto. Let me elaborate.

What makes a ghetto is the thugs and gangstas that live there. Well, you've got different degrees of thugs and gangsters. Columbia is too far from Baltimore or DC to really be affected, it's mostly full of suburban kids who think they're hard. They're not hard at all. I mean, look at me. We have a word for this group: posers. You can walk up to them and kick their ass, and they just cry and run home and play Everquest.

Randallstown is closer to Baltimore City, but in the end, it is still a suburb, albeit an older suburb, but you still have caldesacs and driveways and whatnot. You see people that look like thugs, who may talk a lot of shit, and sometimes back their shit up, which is something that the poser gangstas never do. So they're a little harder than those Columbian kids, but they're still suburbanites. We will call these the wannabe gangsters. You can walk up to them and kick their ass, and they'll just run home and play Grand Theft Auto and kill some strippers to get their hard back.

The real thugs can be seen in Baltimore City neighborhoods, such as Brooklyn, Dundalk-- no that's just disease-ridden prostitutes, Druid Hill, Park Heights, and Highlandtown. Those are places where you do not dare walk around when the sun has gone down. You stick to Downtown, where you can see crackheads on Lombard Street pushing a lawn mower while waiting for a bus. These are the bad ass motherfucker gangstas. You even approach these thugs with any sort of disrespect and they'll make you cry and run home and play something so far beyond Everquest... that's right, you'll play Furcadia.

Let's recap:
Columbia = Poser gangsta
Randallstown = Wannabe gangsta
Baltimore City = Bad Ass Motherfucker gangsta

Alright, remember to chew your spaghetti.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Dick Cheney Shot

A fellow quail hunter!

But the joke's on him, Cheney did not fill out the legal mumbo-jumbo!

Happy V Day everyone... That sounds too much like VD day.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Burn dust... eat my rubber!

I'm quoting a Chevy Chase movie, guess which one...

Anyway, there was another point to this post, well really the only one, and it's that I am sick and tired of the no-good kids smelling the smell that occurs when tires burn.

Well that's all. You're free to go.

Thursday, February 9, 2006

I ate too many beans

I know that I'm hungry, and it tastes good, but I think eating an entire 6-serving can of Bush's baked beans was overdoing it a bit...oh well, when I want beans, I guess I really want beans.

Monday, February 6, 2006

Get it, the GRAMMY awards!

I do not know why, but when I heard the TV say the Grammy awards I actually thought that it would be cool if we had an award show for grandmothers.

This was funnier in my head.

Friday, February 3, 2006

Oh no, not Human-Animal hybrids!

Yes, our President actually talked about human-animal hybrids in the State of the Union address...

Wow. Just wow.

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

Snorting Honeycomb

A friend once influenced me at Fletchers by snorting Vodka... and I always wanted to try that... except I didn't feel like going to the liquor store (curse you Maryland) and also snorting a liquid (I'm not hardcore enough to snort liquids), so I did the next best thing:

You know when there's only one bowl left in a box of cereal and you get all this crushed up cereal along with it? Well apparently, it feels really good when taken up the nose. My mind works in mysterious ways...

I think I invented a new drug.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

This weekend!

Superbowl! Steelers vs Seahawks! Hotttttttttttttt! Not. :(

Anyway, the real event on Sunday is that 7 Days Torn will be on 98 Rock's (97.9 fm baltimore) Noise in the Basement show, so tune in, and listen to their music. If you know them already, then you better call in and request a song! Just call 1-800-767- 1098 and request either 'Pressure", "Bound", or "Useless" by 7 days torn.

Then the next day, Monday, 7 days torn will be at Fletchers for the other half of Noise in the Basement, the LIVE concert half. Those of you in Baltimore need to show up for this. :)

This Friday I will be at Club Orpheus in Baltimore for Kele De's birthday bash thingamabobber.

peace out homies

Friday, January 27, 2006

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

7 Days torn show next Saturday (Feb 4th)

D'oh! I got the date wrong! It's Feburary 4th, not January 28th!

7 Days Torn has a show in Gaitherburg, MD this Saturday. It's free, you all should come.

Olde Town Firehouse Cue
317 East Diamond Avenue, Gaithersburg, MD 20877
301-977-POOL (7665)

See all you folks there! Or else I cut off your johnson!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Gay old time: 33-year old law is no more!

Yeah my Redskins lost to the Seasawks, but we did knock Shawn Alexander out early! That's sometime to be proud of! I'm only kidding.

Gays & Lesbians are closer to being able to marry!

Not each other, I really shouldn't have used that ampersand. That was really a poor choice of punctuation.

Thursday, January 5, 2006

Oh right, I remember

Before I die, I want to crash into all those cars who nudge out a little too far when they try to make a turn. Fucking get out of my way and off the road!


I just realized that I forgot something and I don't remember what it was but I know I forgot it. I don't even know if it's an it, it could be a thing or a what, definately not a who, but you never know.

I need to remember this. I mean it. Something.


Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Very Important Post

I just moved from Columbia, MD to Randallstown, MD... but wait that's not very important.... this is....


Many teams have been thinking about hiring him as a head coach, but now they cannot do that... Well they can, but they'll have t0 give the Redskins a lot in compensation, ala, it will not happen.

This 3 year extension perfectly syncs up with Joe Gibbs' contract expiration, which is in three years. Has Gregg Williams already decided to stay Defense Cordinator until his boss retires? Looks pretty fucking likely.

Anyway, this shot of Jager is to the Redskins beating Tampa on Saturday. Okay, there is no shot of Jager, but there is this website and it will make the Redskins win!

Sunday, January 1, 2006

Philladelphia sucks

Redskins beat the Eagles 31-20, forcing 6 turnovers.

Dallas plays tonight, but it does not matter what they do, the 'Boys are already out of the playoffs! Haha!

My New Years Resolution

In the year 2006 I resolve to:
Stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning.

Get your resolution here