Monday, January 31, 2005

A night to remember

Last night started innocently enough, I left Columbia to go to Reisterstown to pick up Lily because we had plans to see Vyral at Thunderdome.

But I forgot to get directions before leaving the house. So we had to make a quick stop at Lily's to get directions, plus she needed to change out of her work clothes. Only, her friend Liz locked the bottom lock to the apartment and her boyfriend never gave her a key to that lock, so she called him and pleaded with him to come over, as we had to get to Baltimore by 8pm, and it was already 7.

Fifteen minutes later. We're on our way to her boyfriend's friend's apartment where he's at so we can get the key. We get the key, head back to the other apartment. We don't start on our way to Baltimore til about 7:40 or so.

The directions to Thunderdome were fucked up too. We wound up going the wrong way on 895 (on the right side, not that wrong way, silly) and because of this we had to go through the Harbor tunnel TWICE. Luckily I have an EZPass, but still, very annoying.

We got to thunderdome at 8:15, to find that it was...da da da...wait for it...wait for it....canceled. Due to snow that stopped HOURS ago. We hung around talking to people til 9, then decided to go to Sonar where we stayed til 2am, and then I drove Lily home, then went home myself. Fun times. Even if you do hit a few snags along the way.

And BTW, I was dancing last night at Sonar. And no, there is no video of it, for if there were, I'd have to kill the cameraman and destroy the tape.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

I'M NUMBER ONE!

Guess who's number one for the google search "ball fondling"?

ME! That's who!

Stripping can be a tough job

They get mauled by tigers. Name me one, just one profession in which you can get mauled by a tiger, and don't even mention Sigfried and Roy!

Don't feel sorry for the stripper (I know sympathy towards strippers, what a concept), she got some fat cash.

Can I get a collective "Ewww"?

Jenna Jameson now offers her moans and grunts for your cell phone for only $2.50.

That's just wrong. I have trouble explaining how my phone sings my name in a seductive manner (on Sprint, you can download a song that sings your name, they have all names, unless yours is Nimbanoson, then you may run into trouble) or the reason why I have the fraggle rock theme song in my phone.

Anyway, can just imagine the looks you'll get if your phone ring is a pornstar's moans and grunts? That's just too real.

Window masturbators everywhere rejoice!

Canadian judge says it's okay to masturbate in front of an open window!

Now, who would do that anyway, I don't know, but if you are a window masturbator, that's masturbating in front of an open window not jerking off glass, then you should be happy. But you can only be happy if you're Canadian. Sorry, that's the rules.

How do you fall off of I-95?

What exactly was the truck driver doing when he and his truck plunged 70-feet off a bridge on I-95? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?

Hold off on the blowjobs til after you cross the bridge.

Friday, January 28, 2005

oral sex: not your grandmother's game

Michele says to write a post about oral sex if you want some interesting email (and referrals from google), so here goes...

ORAL SEX.
*echo*

You should always practice safe oral sex, or your dentist will get really mad and you never want to go to a mad dentist!

and look at this, there's actually an art to giving a blowjob, receiving a hummer, having oral sex.

Hell, oral sex is great, everybody's doin it, even British school children, because they think kids will just suck each other off instead of having full intercourse... ha.

And now, the final oral sex link.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Did you know that Jim's Big Ego kicks ass?

You gotta watch the video for their hit "They're Everywhere!" It totally rocks.

Just acquired Harold & Kumar

I just bought Harold & Kumar go to White Castle. Don't worry, I didn't use real money.

77th Annual Oscar Nominations!

I know, I've been lazy about posting a "best of" list of films for 2004 like I have done every other year of this blog (2), but this past year, I saw mostly craptastic films, with a few exceptions. SIDEWAYS, for starters. That movie is so hysterical. Thomas Haden Church (yes that dude from Wings and Ned & Stacy) is up for best supporting actor for his role in that. He should win it and his career should be back on track!

So, in a prequel to my best of list, I will list the movies I still need to see:
FINDING NEVERLAND
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
THE AVIATOR
COLLATERAL
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
KINSEY
THE POLAR EXPRESS
THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES
SUPER SIZE ME
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS
RAY

That's about it, there are other movies up for Oscars that I haven't seen, but I don't really have a desire to see them.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Fletcher's again

Going to Fletcher's tonight to see Victory Twin. I'll be sure to bring my camera, but I probably won't upload anything, so don't hold your breath... but you never know. Maybe I'll see a midget and take a pic....or maybe I'll see a drug addict on the way there and stop to make fun of him or her, bumfights style.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

WHFS returns, but there's a catch

WHFS is now back on Baltimore's 105.7, but there's a catch. While Howard Stern and the Don & Mike show will still air in the mornings and afternoons, Ron & Fez has been dropped (but it is still on WJFK), as 105.7 will now play WHFS's alternative rock playlist evenings, overnights, and weekends. WHFS is also available as internet radio as part of American Online's Radio@AOL service. But it's not currently working for Mac users. WTF, AOL?

I really don't care, the real WHFS moved to 103.1 WRNR when Infinity bought the station, what just moved to 105.7 is just a Top-40 station, but they did bring back Tim Virgin.

And for those who don't know, The Sports Junkies is now on WJFK.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Looking for a hooker?

This guy is looking for a hooker to move in with him. This is the grown-up version of this.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Reflections on 2004

It's not too late for a little reflection, it's only 21 days into 2005. Here's the summary of the past 12 months...

January: Britney Spears gets married, then annulled. I bought 4lbs of banana runts. Ecstatic for the rest of the year when I find out Joe Gibbs came back to coaching the Redskins. Dean screams...TO BE ABLE TO BE HEARD OVER THE LOUD ASS CROWD.
Febuary: Janet's titty says hello.I tried to find a new job. Failed. Mel Gibson creates a stir.
March: Kerry takes the democratic nomination. Civilization as we know it ends, I get jury duty.
April: I got free pretzels. Kill Bill vol2 hits theaters. I see it three times.
May: I don't post much because of Jenna May. I know, that means nothing to you. Next month.
June: I find out Jenna is on heroin. Ronald Reagan dies, OJ goes on TV to say "it wasn't me". Julia and I meet 'freedomtickler' from the forums at Fletcher's.
July: Marlon Brando dies. I get drunk off my ass. Those two are not related. I get a flat tire. I want to go to Otakon, but don't.
August: NEW CAR! Vacation. Update Movable Type. It was a slow month.
September: Mac Culkin gets arrested for doin Mary Jane. Conan set to replace leno in 2009. I see movies.
October: What about Poland? I shocked the world; bought a PC. Jon Stewart pwns Tucker Carlson. Redsox win the series. Jenna got out of jail.
November: Fuck Bush. Dental implants procedure (started in 2003) completed.
December: Possible cure for HIV is found. I almost crash on route 40 in the snow, because of stupid driver.

There, if you want more detail read the monthly archives.

$2 Bill Revolution!

I'm going to start spending $2 bills. Instead of withdrawing $20 at the ATM, I'm gonna go in the bank and get 10 $2 bills...i cannot wait to see how people react. It's gonna be great!

YOU ALL DO IT TOO.

TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE THE TWO DOLLAR BILLS POPULAR!!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

You're not a student, you're just a fat kid!

This story comes from Texas. Wait, don't go, this isn't about cow tipping or deer hunting. The Texas school system wants to put a BMI on student's report cards.

and almost as if on cue, I think of family guy:
Security Guard: Alright son, we're gonna need those two hams back.
Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams.
Guard: Lift up your shirt, son.
Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris: Thanks.

The weather was inclement today!

It's snowing here, and you know what that means for Marylanders? Lots of crappy driving. Why is that when it snows all the idiots wake up from hibernation? People cannot drive. I saw people doing 60 in a 50 when you cannot see any asphalt! Fuckin dumbasses.

On a funny note, I did slide around abit and so did the 5-0 behind me, but we both have teh_skillz and drove out of it.

Monday, January 17, 2005

This is an outrage!

WTF! Why am I only ranked #20 for the google search send me money?!

Blogger Round Up 2: THEY KEEP POSTING, FUCK!

Michele is trying to quit smoking and also thinks today's yutes have it easy.
Final Cut Pro Versus iMovie? Roger Avary examines.
Matthew Yglesias discusses The Medicare Crisis.
Oliver Willis thinks "Superman" is going to suck.
Mark pimps my site, so I return the favor.
Fry Still needs to post more.
Wil Wheaton gives a preview of his MacWorld presentation. (It's already happened, but still a good read.)
Avram talks about all his previous cars.
Froggie lost 75lbs and has the pictures to prove it
Zoe has lost 23lbs and her underwear is baggy. A little TMI, there.
Ryan: Dell sucks.
w00tah has this neato image thing
Billy Ray Brewton posts his 20 favorite directors of all time.

And I'm a libertarian, socially speaking.

Broke Ass Philanthropist or how I am tired of being the savoir to the world

Apparently my purpose in life is to be the savior to everybody. Every one of my "friends" is fucking poor and they just expect me to fucking take care of them. And I have. When they need to be somewhere, I drive them, willingly, because I care. When they are hungry, I'll take them to get some fast food, willingly, because I care. I do so much for everybody.

Nobody does a damn thing for me. Oh man, do I wish there was someone I could always get gas money from, or someone to take me out to eat and cover the check, or someone to just hand me money, but alas, when you are the savior to the world, nobody will be your savior.

I want to just give up and stop helping other people, but then I'd just get called an asshole, prick, jerk, younameit. What the fuck am I supposed to? I'm not rich. I don't make a million gajillion fucking dollars, what the fuck am I supposed to? And why do my so-called friends expect me to do everything for them? Possibly because I have been.

How do I stop the generosity and make them help themselves? I have no idea how, I could just start saying no and being an ass about it, but that makes me look bad. Again, I don't want to be an ass. One of my other friends who was somewhat generous recently just said "enough!" and stopped helping everybody, but we all thought he was an ass.

If I had money, this wouldn't be a problem. That's just it. I'm the broke philanthropist: world savior. Only thing I'll have when I die is good karma.

World's Oldest Mom

66 year old woman got knocked up... by a syringe.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Remember? I'm a libertarian now

Almost two months ago, after being fed up with the democrats stupid "GOP Lite" plan and losing to Bush AGAIN, I sent in the change of affiliation form to my county's board of elections. (I still haven't got my new card yet, but I called two days ago and they said they just started processing and mine should be processed by next week.)

Why did I change? Two reasons.

1. I was browsing their website and I agreed with at least 80% of their issues. Crime, drug prohibition, privacy, freedom of speech, the internet, gun laws, and welfare to name a few. The one that I'm not thrilled about is their stance on social security, but hey, you can't win 'em all. If you are a democrat, you should really go look at their stances. You may be surprised.

2. Again, I am fed up with the democratic party's "GOP lite" defense. If that party knew what was good for them they'd be more aggressive. Howard Dean understood, but the Daschel and Gephardt wing of the party just ignored him. Fuck Daschel. Except not literally, that's kinda gross. Eww, dirty politician sex.

IMPLICATIONS

1. I cannot vote democrat in the primary. Big whoop. I don't care. I trust the democrats in my county to pick the best man... or woman. Whatever.
2. I may still very well vote democratic in the regular elections, depending on who's running of course. I'm not going to turn into some nut who throws his vote away every damn election. Or maybe I will. Fuck you, it's my choice.

Sorry about that last line. You know I love each and every one of you.

update: took the quiz, so you know kinda how i stand

Your PERSONAL issues Score is 100%.
Your ECONOMIC issues Score is 60%.


another update
here's a plethora of info on libertarianism.

yet another update
here is another quiz I took and I got 67, which makes me a medium-core libertarian.
You are a medium-core libertarian, probably self-consciously so. Your friends probably encourage you to quit talking about your views so much.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Armstrong Williams

Wow. I am usually better at posting the latest news, but something just wasn't right here...I just never cared. But I suddenly care now. Why? BECAUSE I WAS NEVER OFFERED MONEY TO PIMP SOMETHING.

No, no, I do that for free.

Anyway, the FCC is getting in on this now, which can't be good. They really need to cease to be, right now.

Is this really non-lethal?

THE Pentagon considered developing a host of non-lethal chemical weapons that would disrupt discipline and morale among enemy troops, newly declassified documents reveal.

Most bizarre among the plans was one for the development of an "aphrodisiac" chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. Provoking widespread homosexual behaviour among troops would cause a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale, the proposal says. More...


Make soldiers sexually attracted to each other. Bloody brilliant.

Of course, the US military already has this... *poke*

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

"We support the war on terror, but don't get carried away"

Introduced as Boraq Sagdiyev from Kazakhstan, he was said to be an immigrant touring America. A film crew was with him, doing some sort of documentary. And he wanted to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" to show his appreciation, the announcer told the crowd.

Speaking in broken English, the mysterious man first told the decidedly pro-American crowd - it was a rodeo, of all things, in Salem, of all places - that he supported the war on terrorism.

"I hope you kill every man, woman and child in Iraq, down to the lizards," he said, according to Brett Sharp of Star Country WSLC, who was also on stage that night as a media sponsor of the rodeo.

An uneasy murmur ran through the crowd.

"And may George W. Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq," he continued, according to Robynn Jaymes, who co-hosts a morning radio show with Sharp and was also among the stunned observers. the rest from the Roanoke Times


So all people want to hear is the blind mantra of "WE SUPPORT THE WAR ON TERROR! GO BUSH!" But if you actually say you support what the war on terror entails, then people hate you.

I hate hypocrisy.

No WMD For You!

Yes, fuck infinity broadcasting. But there is good news. The US ends it's search for WMD because it couldn't find any.

This is gayer than gayest

99.1 WHFS is now El Zol 99.1. WHFS is no more. They have ceased to be.

After close to 35 years as a cutting-edge rock 'n' roll radio station serving the nation's capital, Infinity Alternative WHFS/Washington signed off the air today at noon. The station is presently stunting by playing liners for both Spanish AC KXOL (El Sol 96.3) and Regional Mexican KLAX (La Raza) in Los Angeles and Puerto Rico trimulcast "La Zeta 93," followed by songs that best typify each station's presentation. However, Infinity has announced that the station will flip to Tropical as "El Zol 99.1." R&R has learned the move will be made at some point tomorrow under the assistance of Spanish Broadcasting System National PD Pio Ferro.


What the hell is going on?

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

What's all the ruckus about?

Randy Moss is likely to be fined for "pretend mooning"!

Yes, you read that correctly. PRETEND MOONING.

Let's break it down. Pretend means "to give false appearance of", "false" is a key word here. "Mooning" is slang for baring your buttocks ass. So Randy Moss gave a false appearance of his ass.

I guess it just goes to show that society is deathly afraid of black people that they don't even want to tolerate the suggestion of a black man's naked ass.

WTFMFWTFAYT!

Look, Randy Moss may do stupid shit like leave the field early, but being punished for taking your clothes off WHEN YOU DID NOT TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF is fucking absurd.

Society hates black people, they don't want to even have the thought of seeing their naked asses.

Btw, I used the word ruckus.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Sunday, January 9, 2005

Open Letter to HBO Executives

Dear HBO bigwig,

Do not cancel the wire.

Thank you,

The boz

UPDATE
I found a great site with loads of information. Save The Wire

Saturday, January 8, 2005

Moving Tip #32: Do not pack dog and cat in same box.

My friend just moved to Richmond, Va., and this was on the truck he rented.

Note: This is not my picture, it's A picture I found thanks to Google. I stupidly do not always take camera with me.

moving tip.jpg

Great boredom remover!

Why yes, this boredom remover is great! It's a real space saver! It's economical too. Are you curious?

Thursday, January 6, 2005

Never Race Me

That's right, never race me. Even if we're only going the speed limit.

Yeah, so earlier tonight (or this morning, whatever) I was on this road in Reisterstown, MD with Lily and the speed limit was 40. I'm in the right lane and this Mitisubishi (I know I raped the spelling, but it's late) Eclipse is the in left lane. We're neck and neck, and I nudge in front and then he does, and all this while going the speed limit.

Well, after is quite obvious what we were doing, his girl looks at my car, and then I see their car pull ahead really fast, probably topping out around 60. He makes a turn not too far head, doesn't use his turn signal or (this is the biggie) doesn't slow down much. He goes up onto the curb and hits a tree.

They seemed to be okay, they drove away right after it happened, but man, was that stupid. So fellas, showing off is not a good thing. When your girl says "yo yo you can take this guy, speed the fuck up", you gotta slap that bitch and tell her it's your car and you don't wanna fucking crash it. Yeah, slap that bitch. Well, only metaphorically, fucking ass.

SOMEBODY HATES ME!

Your website, the blog, and everything else in your life sucks. Not only is the supposed humor on your website unfunny, but literally every single character that you place on your website is a waste of space. Honestly; who gives two shits if your car was scraped by 12 year old boys? As if your life were significant. Dream on. And not to mention your picture on the website. Could you have possibly picked a more stupid face to give yourself in addition to your already aspiring quality of hideousness? No. You couldn't have.

So if your website spontaneously shut down, no one would care. You are that insignificant. I hate you, and your midget humor too. Find a better hobby because no one cares about your worthless life.


This guy, we'll call him Dr. Worm, because THAT'S HIS NAME, thinks I'm worthless, and not just worthless... INSIGNIFICANT! W00t! Go me!

But hold on a sec, maybe this isn't true. Dr. Worm actually takes the time, and he sounds like a busy and happenin guy I might add, to reply to the most unfunny, worthless website, created by someone equally worthless and insignificant. I must be a little significant, afterall. NOOOOOOO!

Dr. Worm, if you really are a doctor (I have my doubts about your medical practice), you say I am insignificant, but I'm obviously significant enough to garner the attention of an astute medical pratictioner like yourself. So what does that say about you, Doctor Mar-- Worm (sorry)? You must be pretty insignificant yourself to spend your time posting on websites you yourself think are insignificant!

Go suck some cock, you conflicted faggot.

Tuesday, January 4, 2005

Smarter People Vote Democratic

Smart people vote democratic.

I stumbled across this, it couldn't be more true.

So, what does this mean? This means we need to get smarter in the red states. No wonder Bush wants to cut the education budget, he'd lose his base.

I'm bored

I'm really bored; wanna ride bikes?

Hey, I'm up for that, anything except more shopping. JUST SAY NO!

Sunday, January 2, 2005

Latest Movie Reviews

FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX
This is pretty decent, Dennis Quaid and Giovanni Ribisi are great, but there really is no reason to see this in the theater.

DARKNESS
What the hell is up with the ending? When the movie ends, everybody was like "You gotta be kidding me!". This is a creepy film, but it needs a better ending.

THE LIFE AQUATIC
Funny, original, and horribly deadpan. I can take deadpan for awhile, but by about the hour mark, it gets really boring.

LEMONY SNICKET'S SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
I liked this. I don't know what is so bad. Everybody said this movie is terrible, but it's pretty good. Only thing, Jim Carrey is wrong for the role. He's playing like he's in the movie Ace Ventura: The Retirement Years...he's just off. Other than Carrey, it's a decent movie. Could have been a little bit more on the dark side, but oh well.

Til next time... keep doing whatever it is that you're doing.

Saturday, January 1, 2005

I hate kids, I wish they would fucking die of SIDS

I was just driving down the street which my street is off of, and suddenly I hear this loud boom on the back of my car, I turn around and I see these kids standing on this hill by the street, and then they start to run. I park the car and get out of my car to see the damage and there is this big ass scrap on the top of the trunk, right under the rear windshield. I then drove around the kids neighborhood, but didn't see them. If I saw them, I would have chased them down on foot and drop kicked those hooligans. Don't think I would have? They were only 10, maybe 12 at the oldest. Nothing a grown man can't kill.

That's about all there is to say about these children who are going to wish they were dead, because I will FIND them. And they will pay. With many many rocks to the skull.