Saturday, October 30, 2004

EST begins tonight at 2am

If you don't participate, you're not cool...and mildly retarded.

Very funny guys...

Somebody just got me to chat with a bot without knowing. Very funny.

Gas powered

Okay, so I go to the bathroom to take a shit. I know, eww. But here me out. The lights are little dimmed, because one is out. Not a big deal. Then I really let one rip. I know, eww. But here me out. As soon as I let one rip (again, here me out), the light which was out, lights back up, and giving the bathroom it's normal amount of lumination. Coincidence, or powerful farts?

You can't make this up.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Look ma, I'm quoting a terrorist

"We agreed with Mohamed Atta, god bless him, to execute the whole operation in 20 minutes. Before Bush and his administration would pay attention and we never thought that the high commander of the US armies would leave 50 thousand of his citizens in both towers to face the horrors by themselves when they most needed him because it seemed to distract his attention from listening to the girl telling him about her goat butting was more important than paying attention to airplanes butting the towers which gave us three times the time to execute the operation thank god." --Osama bin Laden More...


goat butting? did he just say goat butting?

A better transcript is here. Drudge sucks.

O'Reilly Tapes: Recreated

If you haven't been paying attention, professional Blowhard Bill O'Reilly is being sued by one of the producers of Fox News. Here is what happened.

Yes, he really did say "falafel".

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

"One Fingered Victory Salute"

Bush flips the camera the bird.

MOON TOTALITY!

Hurry, get outside, stop reading my fucking blog, and look up at the sky. The moon will begin to enter the total eclipse phase at 10:23PM EDT, so time is of the essence- unless you are not on the east coast, if that is the case, check your local listings.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

So much for that

Well, Yahoo! has finally done it. They've destroyed their original look.

15 years and counting

Not counting the rest of this year, we have 15 until Matt Cooper, a twenty-one year old political science student at the University of California at Davis. I like your politics, Matt, so good luck, and pray you don't have change of heart (or "flip floppery" as some would call it) in the meantime before 2020.

The year 2020 is gonna suck, we're gonna have to put up with stupid 20/20 and Barbara Walters jokes all year...

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Surviving Christmas

Hey kids, it's a Ben Affleck movie that is actually funny, and Ben Affleck is actually funny. I was expecting to make fun of Affleck the whole time, but he was so hilarious in this. He hasn't been this funny since Mallrats, it appears all the Gigli jokes/insults have penetrated his brain. Oh, penetrated. Never thought I would use that word in talking about Ben Affleck. o.O

Seriously, I LMAO'd a lot during this movie. I didn't quite ROTF a lot, but only because that would have disturbed the other 4 people in the theater. I guess it was late or something and nobody goes to the movies on a Sunday night in Owings Mills. It was great, especially great seeing Tony Soprano whack somebody with a shovel!

CHECK THIS MOVIE OUT, FOOL.

The Grudge

It's now a trend to take a Japanese horror film and Americanize it. Before "The Ring", there was "Ringu", and before "The Grudge", there was Gringo, ok just kidding, the was Ju on: The Grudge...not much of a title change there...

This movie could have easily been only 30 minutes, because it's just too drawn out. The scary sequences are great and all, but after 30 minutes of them, you just ask, WHAT ELSE? There is nothing else to this movie. Even the backstory of the house is under developed. It's like one person saw the Japanese version and then told other people to make it, without actually telling those people to watch it. It's forced. Forced and underdeveloped.

Should you see this? If you want to. I wouldn't pay over 8 bucks for it, so try to catch the matinee.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

OMG IT'S TWUE IT'S TWUE

"America: the Book" really does have nudie photos of ALL the supreme court justices...I'm gonna go scratch my retinas.

Barely escaped!

I was driving on a road not too far from my house and a cop is going the other way...I inadvertantly breaked (sorry, force of habit when I see a cop) because I was 5-10 over....well, after we passed, the cop turned around and was behind me...but like 30 feet behind me, but it was clear the cop turned around because of me...Then I go around a curve and I no longer see the cop. I speed up to get to my street and far enough down so I can't be seen. And it worked. Fucker drove right on by. Probably saying "WHICH WAY DID HE GO?!?! FUCK!"...hahaha it's not a shutout no more fellas!

Cops: 3
Bozzy: 1

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Man milk or moo milk?

Yes, if you have not heard, I have gone gross today. And this means you have to take a quiz to see you if you can tell the difference between cum and milk. DO IT NOW

Who knows what tomorrow brings...

I got 11/16. Damn.

Kill the popups

Ah, the joys of being a Mac user, not having to worry about popup ads or blue deathly screens...

Gash or Tash?

Okay, this one is from the same guy who did female or shemale...can you pick out the pubes from the facial hair?

That's right, Bozzy's gone gross today. And he got 13/16. I think there's a joke here...

Female or Shemale?

How well are you at spotting a fake? Take the quiz...

I scored a 12/16

Fuck fall

Fall is here and all I have to say is; fuck fall. Fall? I hate the fall. What bullshit. Oh the leaves change color. They change color for two days; then a big wind comes and you got nothing but sticks for the rest of the year. You never have a proper fall coat, nothing you wear is right. You wake up it's sunny out, you put a coat on. You go out you're sweating like a pig, you take it off then it's cold... it's bullshit. - Lewis Black, The White Album.


I just experienced that. I put on a sweatshirt, and of course I now understand why it's called a SWEATSHIRT, then I put on a lighter shirt, and I'm cold. Fuck fall, indeed.

It makes me look like a hypocrit? Shit!

Better cancel the book tour! And somebody de-blotch me, I have a hot date tonight.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

A Dirty Shame

Oh my fucking God. This movie is so fucking dirty. The title only captures it a little. But it's John Waters, so if you weren't expecting raunchy material, then you probably have never seen one of his films...

Anyway, Tracy Ullman and Johnny Knoxville are in it, and they both give VERY memorable performances. I would say that Knoxville's "Ray Ray" is his best performance of his career, including Jackass.

Plot wise, there's nothing special...people living on Harford Road in Baltimore are fed up that the neighborhood is becoming a slut haven, and they want supress everybody's sexuality. It's all raunchy humor, but there's a good running joke about Baltimore and DC.

If you live near Baltimore, you should definitely take the opportunity to see it. It's playing at the AMC in Owings Mills. For the rest of you, you will have to wait a couple months for it to be out on DVD.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Jon Stewart blasts Begala and Carlson

I don't think Jon Stewart will be on CROSSFIRE anymore...
STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.

CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.

STEWART: You need to go to one.


If that was not enough to satisfy you...
CARLSON: I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.


Tucker wasn't the only one getting creamed...
STEWART: See, the thing is, we need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our lawns.

BEGALA: By beating up on them? You just said we're too rough on them when they make mistakes.

STEWART: No, no, no, you're not too rough on them. You're part of their strategies. You are partisan, what do you call it, hacks.


Go Jon, it's yo birfday...

The whole transcript is here, not there, but here, yes here. jesus fucking christ, it's here! not there! you moron.

UPDATE
video

I'm funny when I sleep

So this morning, I get out of bed, get dressed, walk to the kitchen, only to see that it's 1:45AM! I thought it was 6AM! HOW IN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? I'm asking you.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

World's Strongest MAN!

I just pushed a tree down in my backyard. It was huge, had a 2 foot trunk, it was a weeping willow tree, about 25 feet tall. I pushed it down.

Other important factoid: It was rotten.

*there's no pics because a friend is borrowing the digital camera... and i was too stupid to wait a second and get a video camera. oy.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

SuicideGirls: Not Your Average Porn Site

It's not what you think. It's not a site for depressed and angst ridden teenage girls who want to commit suicide. It's not like that at all. On the surface, it looks like your average porn site, but it's not. In actuality it's a complete social portal, created by Missy Suicide.

The difference between every other porn site and SuicideGirls is that the models call their own shots. Well, once Missy approves them and annoints them the title of "SuicideGirl", that is. All the models come up with their own ideas for photo shoots. They're not pressured into doing them either. Some go a year before creating another photoset. Some just a month. It all's up to the girl.

All the girls keep journals, most of them regularly, but all of them respond when you email them, unless you're a rude little perv who just says, "yo I like your tits". That won't get you any response. These are real girls. They're not paid to put up with perverts, like pornstars. They're real. They're SuicideGirls.

I thought you said it was a complete social portal, Boz? Yes yes, it is. Along with the SuicideGirls, who are goth, punk, or raver, their photosets, there are specialized groups that members can talk just about anything. Think Yahoo! Groups only not stupid and trite. There's also personals, message boards (which are seperate from the member groups), and member albums, where any member can post pictures, of anything. Sitting on top of all this is a blog. Yes, a blog. See, I had a point to this whole entry, it's another blog! How many porn sites do you know of actually have a decent news blog? Enlighten me.

How much does this cost? Barely anything. One month is $9, three months is $18, and twelve months is $48, neither of which would put anybody in the poor house. So check out SuicideGirls, it's not your average porn site.

And no, I'm not being paid to write this.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Start Patrick Ramsey

Pitiful. Losing 17-10 to the Ravens after completely dominating them in the first half of the game, and having their TDs scored because of our mistakes...just pitiful. Time for Patrick Ramsey to start. This is just ugly. Brunell sucks. He sucks didily ucks. Ramsey may be inexperienced, but at least he's accurate with the deep ball.

Brunell sucks. Bench him.

Saturday, October 9, 2004

Bush, this is Reality, Reality this is Bush; oh you've never met.

"If this man was president then Saddam Hussein would still be in power and the world would be a safer place." - Bush, basically saying the world is safe and we have nothing to worry about.

"The world is more dangerous today because the President didn't make the right judgments." -Kerry, basically saying we have EVERYTHING to worry about.

Which makes you safer, the guy who lies and says things are perfect, or the guy who is grounded in reality?

Thursday, October 7, 2004

Ooooops!

The head of the Alexandria Country Day School, Alexander Harvey IV, sent a letter home with third-, fourth- and fifth-graders, telling parents that the cafeteria had served tequila and margarita mix. More...


How does this happen? When you're reaching for the chocolate milk, you accidently get Tequilla?

Those kids are so little, they probably got totally wasted on the little they had.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

Who cares, He's Walken

So can he do impersonations? Nope, "I'm terrible at it", Walken says.

But so what, He's Walken. He's not supposed to do voices, he's the voice.

Tuesday, October 5, 2004

Monday, October 4, 2004

EBAY IS RUN BY MONKEYS

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH eBay?!?! I'm using it and then it logs me off, asks me to sign in, and when I sign in again, I get a page not found page. This happens 100% of the fucking time. I can't change any of my personal information because it insists on asking me to sign in again (WHY? I AM ALREADY SIGNED IN) and when I do, I get page not found.

No wonder nobody uses eBay. Half of it doesn't work. Fucking dumbasses.

Do not forget Poland

Polish troops will start to withdraw from Iraq in the New Year and all will be out by the end of 2005, the country's president has promised.

Poland is the fourth-largest contributor of troops to the coalition in Iraq - with 2,500 - and there is strong opposition at home to the deployment. More...


Poland is no longer part of Bush's coalition.

Fuck the landfill

Who's bright idea was it to make it so paint can only be dumped on a Saturday?!?!? Really now, come the fuck on.

Sunday, October 3, 2004

Kids should not smoke crack

LANCASTER -- A North School Elementary special-needs student has been suspended after trying to push his teacher out of a third floor window Thursday.

According to police reports, Jennifer K. Houston, a teacher at North, was in a third floor classroom with a couple of students when a student placed a pencil on the ledge of window and then attempted to crawl out the window and retrieve it.

Houston sat on the register in front of the window to prevent the student from going out the window.

The 11-year-old student got mad and said "Then I will throw you out the window," according to the Lancaster police report. The student then grabbed Houston's legs and feet and began lifting her and pushing her backwards into the window. More...


So, are we in agreement that kids should not smoke crack? At least during school hours? Ok cool.

Friday, October 1, 2004

I, Killer

I killed a squirrel today. I guess I earned some redneck wings. Or maybe my car did.

Oh, bring the dogs in tonight.

Mount St. Helens sprung a leak again, it's such a narc volcano, most remain quiet for centuries, but St. Helens won't shutup. Damn woman.

UPDATE 10/2
She erupted again.