Friday, December 31, 2004

Oliver has some choice words

Anytime someone rolls out the lame "Michael Moore sat in the VIP box at the Democratic convention" nonsense, please respond with this: "George W. Bush, the president of the United States, invited drug addict, torture supporter, misogynist, racist, and all-around societal pariah Rush Limbaugh into the White House of the United States of America and proceeded to embrace him, so f*ck off."


That's it, he's my favorite blogger.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

That's right, heffalumps. And they'll be happy heffalumps too.

[ 09:32 ] [~turkey] dating older women is too much for me -_-
[ 09:32 ] [~turkey] she works at disney world nowadays
[ 09:33 ] [@Bozzy] THATS IIT
[ 09:33 ] [@Bozzy] THE NEW DIRECTION FOR BOZZYS WORLD
[ 09:33 ] [@Bozzy] THEME PARKS
[ 09:33 ] [@Bozzy] Oh it'll be grand.
[ 09:33 ] [@Bozzy] We will ride heffalumps

I live too close for comfort to rednecks...

So yesterday I was out with Dana and Jen in the western (aka hick) end of Howard County, MD, I know, stay with me, I was there to pick up a friend (and also buy her tampons, but that's beside the point), and drive her back to Columbia (aka where us normies live).

I get to the gas station, which convienantly is also a High's and I go in to get the tampons, which was fun. I don't think it's that big a deal to buy feminine hygine products, but yeah, it does feel a little weird. ANYWAY, I go back outside and pull the car up to the pump and begin pumping. I know, that does sound hot.

At that moment, I saw something I swear I have never and probably would never even think I would ever see happen. I mean, this is just weird. And remember, we're in Woodbine, MD, in the western end of Howard County. What did I see?

I saw this kid, probably 16, chasing his girlfriend (I hope it wasn't his sister...) through the parking lot holding a DEAD SQUIRREL. YES, a _dead_ squirrel. But it doesn't end there. He was saying funny redneck shit too. He said (and I am paraphrasing, because I stupidly tried to block this from my mind), "Hey don't run! I just killed this today! It's not gonna bite ya!", and a bunch of other rednecky things rednecks say.

His girl ran in the High's and he sat outside the door panting, out of breath, still holding the squirrel. No, I think he set it down next to him. Yeah. Anyway, one of my friends yelled out, "Hey you have fun with that squirrel!" and he replied, "I will." Then we laughed uncontrollably at him.

That's it, that's your redneck story for the day. Don't ask me for another one, that's all you're getting.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Something to think about...

christmas.jpg

No, that is not my image.

And I was born in July...which means I was conceived in October...hmm, now Halloween is in October...this could explain a lot.

Dumb Maryland Laws

These are very amusing...

Maryland
"Oral sex can not be given or received anywhere." Okaaaaaay
Baltimore City
"It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday." But within 1 week is the only time they'd be interested....c'mon!
"You may not curse inside the city limits." I think this one is really just them humouring themselves...
Columbia
"You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish." The Columbia Association really has this law and enforces it.
"Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence." I know a few people here who have clotheslines. They look ghetto. Don't use them.
Ocean City
"A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk." They need to enforce this law. There's some ugly shirtless mofos at the beach. And no, I'm not one of them... ... I keep my shirt on. :p

UPDATE
motherfucker. I just did something I have never done before. I have repeated myself. Well, I think I was slightly funnier in this post, and the first was two and a half years ago, so who cares, right?

Mountain Dew Gives Me Green Diarrhea

Yes, Mountain Dew, gives me green diarrhea!

Do the Dew!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Washington Nationals: Not dead anymore!

The Washington Nationals secured a home yesterday when a divided D.C. Council narrowly approved legislation that allows baseball to return to the nation's capital after 33 years.

With a vote of 7 to 6, the council adopted a stadium package that contains several amendments to the original deal Mayor Anthony A. Williams struck with Major League Baseball in September. After three seasons at Robert F. Kennedy Memorial Stadium, beginning in April, the former Montreal Expos are scheduled to move to a new ballpark along the Anacostia waterfront in 2008. More...


DC get's a team, they don't have to pay as much as MLB wanted, and MLB is satisified. Win, win, win. Except once the season starts, it'll be lose, lose, lose.

Monday, December 20, 2004

The Scion tC had a close call last night.

near miss.jpg
The scene began on Route 40, coming from Catonsville, heading towards Ellicott City. I was coming from VIP Billiards with Dana, if you live near here and know who Dana is.

Anyway, that section of RT 40 is up and down, lots of hills. Going down the last hill, where Rogers Avenue is at the bottom, this stupid driver in front of me braked too hard and too fast and his car wound up sideways, perpendicular to the lane. I was only roughly 20 feet behind him, with the nearest car 35 feet behind me (thank god for that), and the first thing I did was brake, felt the anti-lock brakes kick in and the car start to skate down the road.

So I let up on the brake and regain control of the car, BUT this means I am steadily approaching the car in front of me, sideways, blocking the lane. I steer to the right lane, and the act of going in that direction, without the use of gas or brakes, slowed the car down enough and I could brake slightly to stop the car.

My car stopped, halfway in the left and right lane, about a few feet from the car that started this mess. I am so glad that the cars behind me stopped at the peak of the hill, if they had gone down it, there would have been a massive pile-up. I would have been fine, the max speed any car was doing was 15mph, but that's plenty to total my car, my new scion tC.

So my sick ass driving skillz saved my car for another wintry day, and now it's only covered in a thick coat of rock salt.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Skitzo Calypso...cool again

Last night was fun....went to fletcher's to see skitzo, then went to this diner in reisterstown afterwards, then drove around, then went home and checked some blogs, then crashed. then i woke up and checked blogs and ate cereal, then went to my nephew's birthday party, then i came back and wrote in my blog and i am writing in my blog now, and in a few minutes i am going to watch the redskins game. Past. Present. Future.

There. I did one of those life update posts. Finally. Are you fucking happy?

Friday, December 17, 2004

Nothing ever happens in Columbia

Well, for the most part. A police helicopter just stopped circling around my neighborhood, it made the circle about 15 times. Looked like it was circling over the Phelps Luck part of Long Reach village. Hmm, I wonder why. I know a couple heroin addicts who live there...lmao

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Skitzo Calypso @ Fletchers tomorrow

Skitzo Calypso is gonna be playing at fletcher's tomorrow at 8:30.

You should be there. No, not you, the person next to you. Yes, you.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Damn, that's a lot of lights

christmaslights.JPG

Yeah, there's this house in Columbia, no where near mine thank you, that I guess is occupied by the Griswalds. For about the last 20 years they go all out with exterior lumination. It's a little freaky, I mean there is a nativity scene and the baby Jesus doesn't get put out til Christmas Morning, but you can't help but do a drive-by every year.

Here's a shot I purposely took out of focus, I think it looks awesome. If you don't, then you're a (Is anybody here Jewish?) fucking Jew. ;-)

When they started doing this their kids were, um, still kids, but it's amazing how they keep this up year after year, even as their kids move into their mid-twenties. Yeah, those "kids" must still be helping them... or they better be.

That said, one of these years from now, they'll eventually stop this all-out exterior lumination and maybe just have a few bushes lit up, or maybe none at all. That'll be sad. I would say it'll be the day Christmas dies, but with all the rampant commercialization of Christmas we have now, it's already on life support.

What does this look like to you?

penisorfinger.jpg

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

A Merry Fuckin Jew Christmas

There was once a Jew, a lonely Jew, and when Christmas came, he was even more lonely, and when Christmas went, he was in jail, because he tried to kill santa. (Stick with me here) While this lonely Jew was in jail, he was ass raped by a large white man, no not that white man. This guy wasn't that old. Maybe 30. And he had a big dick. Which hurt this Jew a lot. For this Jew had a small and tight asshole. Oh, did it hurt. Anyway, to make a long story short, because by the look on your faces (Yes, I CAN see you!) you are disgusted with this story, the plot, and the writing quality. And I am disgusted as well. I mean, who wouldn't be disgusted with a Jew getting anal sex on the day after Christmas? Really, that's just wrong. And unnecessary. Well I have to go, for this has been a blog post gone awry. I mean, how could a blog post have gone any more awry? Really, this is just BAD! It all started so innocently, it was supposed to be a HAPPY story about a jew on Christmas! What the fuck happened!

Merry fucking Christmas. Just becareful of those jewish people.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Blade: Trinity and Ocean's 12

BLADE: TRINITY
This is a pretty decent sequel, but the plot is kind of suspect. And didn't Kris Kristopherson die in Blade II? I'm pretty sure he did, yet he is definitly alive in Blade: Trinity. Did we use an entire different set a writers, writers who did not see the last Blade? What's going on here!!! Anyway, Wesley Snipes is awesome, the action is awesome, Ryan Reynolds is funny as hell, and Jessica Biel, is hot as shit. Maybe I should have said Ryan Reynolds is funny as shit and Jessica Biel is hot as hell... well catch this on HBO or DVD.

OCEAN'S 12
Aside from being a little on the long side, this is a very well done sequel. It kept me guessing the whole way through, not to mention it was sold out for a MIDNIGHT (12:10am) SHOW! There's one thing that prevents this from being a great movie, and that envolves Julia Roberts. I will not say what, because it'll spoil it for those who have not had the priviledge of seeing this movie yet. In other words, this movie is just what I expected it to be. See it on the big screen, or wait for DVD and HBO.

The next movie I am seeing is THE LIFE AQUATIC. If any of you know of any early premieres in the Maryland area, please inform me. I really cannot wait til Christmas day.

Blogger Round-Up: Don't worry it only kills weeds

Ever wanted to see Roger Avary's bare foot? No? Well fuck you, I'll show you anyway. It all started when stepped on a hoe (note: not a hooker, the garden tool), and one of the spikes went in his foot 4 inches.

IN OTHER NEWS AROUND THE BLOGOSPHERE...
Avram posts something about Michael Jackson.
Dave Barry has some important medical advice, but it doesn't concern him.
Froggie wants to waste all of our time with 38 meaningless questions. *UPDATE* She wants me to mention she lost weight too. Go her!
Fry really needs to blog more.
JASON PASSED HIS PHYSICS TEST! OMG! WE ALL CARE! ;-)
Jeff Jarvis lapped himself.
Jenna May has an apology. Take it for what it's worth, folks.
Jim wants everybody to know where he stands. What the fuck, motherfucker. What the fuck are you thinking?
Katie made the cut, Matt still hasn't met a celebrity.
Kevin Cupp is still in the process of moving his blog.
Lily has a conversation with a freak.
Mark wants us to hear his voice.
Michele finally finished her ranking of 500 songs.
Oliver Willis has a new Pundette.
Ryan has a hilarious screen capture from the last episode of the Simpsons.
Sam Cook returns to blogging with a full, rainbow-colored announcement. Good for him.
Spidie congratulates people.
Wil Wheaton was on VH1 on December 7th. I missed it.
Yirga posts an answer to that mind-boggling question about the snooze function on alarm clocks.
Zoe is losing weight. Give her encouragement.

Well that's all I care to tell you, bye.

Will the real Bozzy please stand up

Motherfucker! I've got an impersonator!

I also seem to be a shopping site in belgium, and I also provide what you need, when you need it.

Don't look now, but I am a dog.

THIS IS A LIE! I HATE ANIME!

Need a computer? Bozzy's discount computers is at your service!

This is even better than the time I found I was a hit in Japan, and don't forget to sign my guestbook!

Thursday, December 9, 2004

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

What. The. Fuck.

There is a game called "KILL JFK". How is crap like this allowed?

I am sure that if someone made a game that simulated the killing of President Bush, the secret service wouldn't be too pleased.

If you're a republican and you enjoy this sick game, then you are a hypocrit.

White Christmas possibility: 0%

Looks like Maryland and every other state south of it will be having a Black Christmas again.

HEHEH I MADE RACIAL JOKE!!!!!111one11!!!!

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

Hell House

Last night I went with some friends up to Hell House in the village of Ilchester, in Ellicott City, Maryland. It's supposed to be this haunted school which was built in the early 1800s, closed down in 1972, and then mysteriously burned down in 1997. I didn't see any strange events...although thru one of the windows (and keep in mind none of the windows have glass in them) I saw something move, probably the wind moving a branch.

It's still got this creepy ass staircase that's so steep, you'd easily mistake it for the staircase Uma Thurman has to walk up in Kill Bill 2.

Anyway, if you go, don't park right in front of it, under the bridge. Cops will ticket you. Be more creative with your parking. I will not say where I park, I am not stupid.

How does Shooter's Cafe stay in business?

Last night I went to this pool hall called Shooter's Cafe in Lanham, MD. Okay, first off, what's with the cafe name? It's just pool tables.

Secondly, and most-humorously, it cost us $4 to play, which we paid for with 4 $1's, and the guy gave us 7 $1's in change.

How do they stay in business?

Monday, December 6, 2004

BTW, I am no longer a democrat.

BTWFYI, Last week I initiated a change to my voter registration, changing my party afiliation from democrat, to libertarian. I was just looking thru their issues, and agreed with virtually everything. This party has the balls the democrats seem to have misplaced. Now, I will still most likely vote democrat in upcoming elections, but I do give up my right to vote democrat in the primaries, because Maryland is gay with it's closed primaries.

END OF TRANSMISSION

Friday, December 3, 2004

The Day Julia Roberts Flew Southwest Airlines: The 1st in the Buzz Index Series

Once upon a time, Julia Roberts boarded a flight, a Southwest Airlines flight. Why was she boarding this flight, this Southwest Airlines flight you ask? She was flying with big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, they were on their way to the premiere of Mary Poppins at the Crystal Palace. "Oh, what a premiere this is going to be", said Ms. Roberts. "Indeed.", said the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com.

Halfway through the flight, Julia Roberts could not stop going on and on about how she was about to give birth to twins, so the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, decided to to watch some TV. The in-flight movie was "The Princess and the Marine"! "Oh wonderful rapture of wondefulous* rapture", proclaimed the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com! This has been his favorite movie ever since his 3 hour affair with Lindsay Lohan!* Which really was only an hour, for it happened on the last Southwest Airlines flight this big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com flew on, and once you factor in the time zones and Mark Cuban's giant statue of Kim Delaney, it was really only an hour and fifteen minutes.

Anyway, moving right along, Julia Roberts never noticed her new friend, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com was no longer listening to her babble about having twins, and he now had on a pair of headphones that were given to him by Suge Knight at the Source Awards after-party, in which he and Jenna Elfman got into a long, drawn out, philosophical debate about pornography and fruit. It was very juicy*, indeed.

"My God! You're not even listening to me at all!", cried Julia Roberts as she finally noticed her friend, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com wasn't listening to her babble about her having twins. But she soon forgave him, as "The Princess and the Marine" was just ending and her friend, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com put down the headphones given to him by Suge Knight at the Source Awards after-party in which he had that long debate with that Dharma & Greg girl, and actually started listening to this large pregnant actress talk about being pregnant, again.

But then he, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, immediately thought of cheat codes for The Sims 2, "Aha! Now I can beat the game!" ... "Beat what game?" Asked the large pregnant actress who sometimes goes by the name Julia Roberts. But it was no use, by the time Julia Roberts spoke, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com was already tuning into the Washington Wizards game, on the portable radio he received by winning the Dan Rather-Tom Brokaw bet at work. Just what is this Dan Rather-Tom Brokaw bet? Nobody knows much, except it involved Ole Miss Football and Martina Hingis' bodyguard. Yes, we are intrigued.

At the sight of her new best friend, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, ignoring her to no end, she got up immediately and exited* the plane. Forgetting that it was still airborne, and the reason why she was even flying to begin with, to see the premiere of Mary Poppins at the Crystal Palace! We believe Julia Roberts' last words were, "Fuck it, this is the last time I ever fly Southwest and listen to Sheryl Crow the night before."

This has been a Yahoo! Buzz Index story. Yahoo! Does not endorse or condone any of the depictions depicted in this story. From what I gather from my own common sense, neither does Julia Roberts, the big shot CEO of Annualcreditreport.com, Lindsay Lohan, Mark Cuban, Kim Delaney (or the statue), Suge Knight, Jenna Elfman, the makers of "The Princess and the Marine" and "The Sims 2", Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw, Martina Hingis, and Sheryl Crow, but Mary Poppins fully endorses the depictions this story depicts.


1. Yes, wonderfulous is not a word, jackass.
2. By the way, there will be an in-dept report by Brian Williams. And he doesn't endorse this either.
3. Yes, I am aware that is a very bad pun and I am evil.
4. Don't worry, we saved the babies.

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

HIV, cured. Cancer, you're next, well technically a bigger penis is next, but you're after that.

It worked in mice. It worked in monkeys. And now in humans, a therapeutic vaccine has stopped HIV in its tracks.

The vaccine is made from a patient's own dendritic cells and HIV isolated from the patient's own blood. Dendritic cells are crucial to the immune response. They grab foreign bodies in the blood and present them to other immune cells to trigger powerful immune system responses to destroy the foreign invaders. More...


So go out and fuck a stranger in the ass. Yes, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

}-{ello my future girlfriend

This is what I sound like. I am 11 years old. In the sixth grade. In New Mexico. Please PM me if I'm on Yahoo Chat. Bye. Thanks for stopping by.

No outside food or drink permitted, fuckers

Isn't this the stupidest rule ever? Where do theaters get off that they think they can tell people what they can and cannot eat or drink. C'mon.

What, if you bring "outside food or drink" in a theater, you get arrested? Yeah, like that would happen.

So here is the homework assignment:

WHAT YOU NEED:
1. Food or drink
2. Digital camera or video camera
3. Find a movie theater

Once you have those taken care of, take a food or drink into a theater, and document your results.

Have fun!

Christmas With the Kranks

What the hell is so bad about this movie? It's a little fluffy, sure, but if you honestly expected different, you'd have to have your head examined with a bullet. For real, this is a cute movie about what happenes when a couple's only child finally isn't home for a Christmas. It's got plenty of humor. Some over the top, some not, but you really don't care about the humor that's over the top. It's fluffy humor. Just laugh.

That said, why the hell was Luther Krank (TIM ALLEN) villified for "skipping christmas" by taking his wife on a cruise? That was the only thing that really pissed me off, having actually "skipped christmas" one year, 1998. It's the most awesome thing. No presents, no decorations, no cards, and most importantly, no family. Just get out of town.

When you judge a movie, you have to judge it based on it's genre, in this case, that's comedy fluff, as comedy fluffs go, this was hilarious. But yeah, if you judge it on the Godfather, of course you won't like this movie. Boy, I'd love to witness the reaction, "WHAT THE HELL, THIS AIN'T NO CRIME MOVIE!!!"

Stupid morons.

Enjoy the fluff.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

From the holy crap department...

Who would have thought a car with more than 4 wheels could best a Porsche! I want to turn Japanese!

Sideways

This is a movie about a stuggling writer (PAUL GIAMATTI) and a struggling actor (THOMAS HADEN CHURCH) and their week long fun before CHURCH's wedding. It is filled with many wine jokes and full frontal and rear nudity.

I never really liked Thomas Haden Church before, I mean, he was sorta funny on WINGS, but NED & STACY sucked ass, but he actually does a great job here. I wouldn't be surprised if he got a best supporting actor oscar nomimation, although the role really is just being himself, since he really is a struggling actor. There's many parallels to his actual career.

Paul Giamatti I have always been a fan of. Pretty much since I saw PRIVATE PARTS, and he really should get a best actor nomination here. His role was a little more difficult than Church's.

So if you like wine jokes, full and rear nudity, see this movie. Wait, forget about the nudity, see this movie anyway.

Movies That I Saw That Do Not Warrant Their Own Post

SEED OF CHUCKY
Okay, what the fuck is this? Wasn't this supposed to be a scary movie? Why did I laugh more than in Scary Movie?

TAXI
Jimmy Fallon + Queen Latifa = Not Funny, Just Retarded

AFTER THE SUNSET
This was almost good enough to get it's own entry here, but it's still pretty fluffy.

THE INCREDIBLES
I love Pixar, I mean, go Steve Jobs, this movie has some funny moments, but most were in the preview and Finding Nemo was better.

BRIDGET JONES: THE EDGE OF REASON
I didn't even see this, nor do I want to. Renee Zelwegger is an ugly ho who can't act to save her child from sudden death, let alone get me to laugh.

TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE
I laughed at the anti-Bush jokes, but there were too many anti-Kerry and anti-democrat jokes. Trey and Matt should have picked a fucking side and not tried to appeal to everybody.

NATIONAL TREASURE
It's sad that Pixar has pwned Disney to the point where Disney is making live action movies now. Nick Cage is decent, nothing special.

MOVIES I STILL NEED TO SEE:

ALFIE
I HEART HUCKABEES
KINSEY
THE POLAR EXPRESS

So somebody give me money.

Britney Spears must die

Everybody tries to kill Britney Spears, rated R for gratuitous violence towards whores.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Alexander

I really don't understand all the negativity over this Oliver Stone film. Most critics accuse Mr. Stone of attrocious directing, but that's pretty far fetched. The acting could not have been better. Colin Farrell, Anthony Hopkins, Val Kilmer, Angelina Jolie (who I normally hate), Jared Leto, and Rosario Dawson give magnificant performances.

Not only was the acting good, but the depictions of Alexander's life were accurate. Right down to Alexander being a homosexual. Hey wait a minute, maybe that's why most critics didn't like this film...were they perhaps expecting a typical movie about a hero, and they got a realistic depiction of a man, a gay man?

Oliver Stone didn't have every fact about Alexander in this film. He gave Alexander brown eyes, you know, because blue contacts for Colin would have broken the budget, I pressume. At least he had the blonde hair correct. There's other facts that were left out, but I won't mention them all. Instead, why don't you go pick up a book.

The best part of this film BY FAR was the photography, the shots of the Himalayas, the shot of Alexander on horseback fighting an Indian on Elephant-back. That was truely gorgeous. Simply stunning.

So do not be impressed with all the JUVENILE remarks about this movie, you have to understand that the majority of america are homophobic and immature.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Need a pen? Go to Pen Island

I think it is very important where you order you pens, so I will make this really big.
www.penisland.net
(I would make that a link, but then it wouldn't be so big, and you want your penisland to be big.)

Thursday, November 25, 2004

iCal _can_ be funny

I recently set my iCal to display the movies that are being released into theaters, well the movies shown for tomorrow are, "A Very Long", "Purple", and "Guerilla", and they appear in the calendar block in that order. Read them together and try not to laugh.

And last Friday's funny iCal moment is "Days of The Bad Bridget", I can't make this up.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Holiday Eating Tip #1

I know you love stuffing. Don't we all? But that does not give you any excuse to eat a whole can of Stoufer's. Do not do that, and I am speaking from experience. A few weeks ago, I was hungry, okay, so I get hungry every day, okay so I get hungry every hour, but a few weeks ago, in one of these bouts of hungerness, I could not find anything to eat, and the more time that elapsed, the more-- well you know, you get hungry too, don't lie. Anyway, there was nothing to eat. I was looking through the pantry and came across a can of Stoufer's, because, you know, nothing comes closer to home. The serving size was 6-8 people. Thing was, I was the only one there. While the voices in my head do contradict that previous statement, they cannot eat, so in all actuality, I was alone. So I ate that can of Stoufer's, all of it. All of it. If you ever wanted to see true agony, then eat too much bread, you'll get true agony. You have no idea how bloated I felt. I was literally stuffed!

So please, when Grandma asks you to pass the stuffing, give her the cranberries instead, because the only thing worse than a bloated Bozzy is a bloated grandma.

Interpreting Shit

I'm about to post something that has been around the internet more than child pornography, so don't sue me for posting stuff that is not mine. I already said it's not mine, so shut up.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Skitzo Calypso is awesome

That band is extremely hardcore. Very metal, and they have some really crazy fans, they (the fans) were literally throwing each other around. It was funny. It's a great thing that music makes people do that without embarrassment. I'd say that's an emotional response, yeah.

Skitzo Calypso

Friday, November 19, 2004

Fletcher's Bar is where it's at this Sunday night

Gonna be back at that hot as hell club but fun anyway club this Sunday. Gonna be there with Lily, who is friends with the band, "Skitzo Calypso". Can't wait.

Be there or be square, fool.

I wish I could arbitrarily increase my credit limit

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Bush (news - web sites) on Friday signed into law a measure authorizing an $800 billion increase in the credit limit of the United States, the White House said. More...


How convienant is that? You never have to worry about paying anything back when you can always increase your credit limit! Why can't I do this?

I need to be able to do this. I swear to God.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Ask Donate and you shall receive

Rampant cronyism alert.
WASHINGTON - One-third of President Bush (news - web sites)'s top 2000 fund-raisers or their spouses were appointed to positions in his first administration, from ambassadorships in Europe to seats on policy-setting boards, an Associated Press review found.

The perks for 246 "pioneers" who raised at least $100,000 also included overnight stays at the White House and Camp David, parties at the White House and Bush's Texas ranch, state dinners with world leaders and overseas travel with U.S. delegations to the Olympics and other events, the review found. More...


Well, it's not that bad, but oh wait, it is. Let's appoint people based on friendships instead of qualifications. If you followed Project Greenlight, you'd know that's the same thing which killed the first film's chances of being at least a decent movie. Don't hire your friends (for the crew) unless they're qualified.

Don't appoint your friends unless they're qualified.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Must have been a slow year

Karl Rove is up for Time's Person of the Year. I guess they needed another name and grabbed his out of hat, whilst drunk.

Two Unrelated Quotes

"I'm going to buy a Llama!" -Some lady I overheard today.
and
"All your hard work will soon pay off." -It was in a cookie I opened.

This has been a lovely moment of zen.

Goodbye.

Monday, November 15, 2004

From the WTF column...

I just saw a bumper sticker that said "Proudly Marching to the Beat of a Different Kettle of Fish", then I googled it and found out about this site, but it doesn't answer the question, what the fuck is a kettle of fish? Who puts fish in a kettle? Let's look up the word 'Kettle', ok?

1. A metal pot, usually with a lid, for boiling or stewing.
2. A teakettle.
3. Music. A kettledrum.
4. Geology. A depression left in a mass of glacial drift, formed by the melting of an isolated block of glacial ice.
5. A pothole.
from Dictionary.com


Okay, I do not think it's a metal pot, unless they were really hungry and started singing about the fish they were cooking, and I know it's not a kettledrum, that's absurd. Could it be a depression filled with fish? Possibly. I know it's not a pot hole, so you have to think it's a depression.

Suddenly I have lost my train of thought.

Oh yeah, bumper stickers are stupid and decrease the value of your car. But if you insist, don't have some pseudo-intellectual nonsense on it.

Clinton DID NOT "gut" the military

Yet another debunking of a Bush lie.

Bush already starting to fuck county up ass

Drilling in Alaska Oil Reserve.
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. Interior Department on Friday gave final approval to a plan by ConocoPhillips and partner Anadarko Petroleum Corp. to develop five tracts around the oil-rich Alpine field on Alaska's North Slope.


Bush isn't done. Next year he hopes to drill in the Artic National Wildlife Refuge.
The Bush administration believes the new Congress next year will approve oil drilling in the separate Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, which may hold up to 16 billion barrels of crude.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

World Kindness Day

Today is World Kindness Day, so if you're a leader of a large, industrialized nation, try not to bomb anybody today, ok?

Friday, November 12, 2004

Eric Schwartz - Keep your jesus off my penis

watch the video and/or read the lyrics.

Keep your Jesus off my penis
Keep your bible off my balls
Keep your prayers out of my ears
And your crosses off my walls
You can keep the virgin mother
And the resurrection too
Keep your Jesus off my penis
I'll keep my penis off of you

You drive an SUV, you support terrorism

It's stupidity like this that really pisses me off.

SUVs against terrorism? You fool! If you drive an SUV, you are SUPPORTING terror. SUPPORTING. Why is that so? It is because many SUVs average a mere, 12-13 miles to the gallon. Compared to around 27 for passenger cars and 20 for small trucks.

Thus, if you drive an SUV, you will be spending more and more at the pump, giving more and more money to terrorist regimes. Just look here to see that our oil comes from Saudi Arabia, which is our largest importer. Saudi Arabia supports terrorism.

So, trade in your SUV, unless you want the terrorists to win.

Homosexuals have an agenda?

Can somebody please state what their agenda is? I was not aware one such existed.

President Bush is dead at 72

Mr. Bush's always controversial presidency left behind a changed nation and a changed world. Taking office in 2001 after a disputed election settled only by a 5-4 decision by a bitterly divided Supreme Court, and decisively reelected in 2004, President Bush led the United States into four wars, oversaw the dismantling of Social Security and Medicare, and enforced a drastic shrinking of elementary, secondary, and collegiate education. He spearheaded the transformation of President Bill Clinton's budget surpluses of 1999 and 2000 into permanent deficits of more than a trillion dollars a year, thus profoundly reducing the amount of capital available to address the needs of the vast majority of citizens and inhibiting the creation of new jobs with any promise of advancement or financial security, while at the same time pursuing tax reductions that increased the differences between the income and assets of, in his own terminology, "owners" and "pre-owners" of "the American ownership society" to extremes almost beyond measure. When he left office, taxation of personal and corporate incomes, while still legally extant, had been effectively replaced by a new payroll tax, so that almost all investment, inheritance, and interest income was left tax-free. "Those with the greatest stake in America," President Bush often said throughout his second term, "have the greatest stake in defending it. Thus we as a nation must do all that we can to ensure that the commitment of those with the greatest stake to the rest of us, a commitment on which our freedom and security rests, only grows greater." Developing...

Those damn mystery animals!

More than 50 cats have been reported missing in the Steamboat area, and Masiello said the hairless fox is probably only one of the culprits. She advised residents not to let their pets outside. do you want to know more? well too bad


The article is stupid. Let's start out by talking about a mystery animal from Colorado, and mention a similar animal in Maryland. They make it out like the animal in Colorado is a Fox, and that may not be true. *explodes*

*insert random alf joke*
*insert random God killing kittens due to masturbation joke*

A very weird dream, indeed.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
I dreamt that George H.W. Bush wasn't President Bush's father, but grandfather, and in the dream, there was President Bush's real father, a strange, younger looking George H.W. Bush. I'm not exactly sure why I dreamt this, maybe it had to be-- you know what, there is no excuse for a dream like this, I'm just fucked up.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Saw

Ever wanted to go see a snuff film? Well, step right up, because now's your chance! "Saw" is about a serial killer by the moniker "Jigsaw", because he doesn't actually kill anybody, he finds a way for his victims to kill themselves. For example, he'll put a guy in the center of razor wire, and tell him to tunnel his way out...or he'll strap a bear trap on a girl's face and put a lock on it, so she can't excape, unless she digs through her fiance's guts for the key...the end result is always the same: there's a lot of gore.

Anyway, "Saw" should keep you on the edge of your seats, and that's a huge understatement. It's intense, so intense that the word intense doesn't describe it. What word describes it? How about HOLYFUCKINGSHITLOOKATTHATFUCKAHHHHHHHHHHH? That works, I think. And it never stops. There is little comic relief in the film, and that little is basically at the end when Cary Elwes overacts.

Should you take the kiddies? Yes, by all means! It's a great family film!* It teaches children about murder, torture, and Danny Glover! They'll have something to talk about in school.

* Film is extremely violent, will cause nightmares and scar child for life.

Yay, Nader!

Nader wants a recount.
Nader highlighted irregularities including one reported earlier in an Ohio polling station where 638 voters cast ballots but results showed 4,258 voted for Bush, and 260 for Kerry.


How do you get 4,258 votes out of 638 voters?

Oh hell, I'll just outright say it, Bush cheated.

HBO's The Wire

I have a new favorite TV show. Curb your Enthusiasm, has moved to #2. The Wire is so fucking realistic. I don't even wanna know how they shoot these scenes in West Baltimore projects...those neighborhoods on the show are actual drug neighborhoods (a couple of my ex-friends are drug addicts, so I know). it's mind boggling how the show can be so real. You almost want to call it reality TV, but you know it's just drama. I love HBO.

This is what we are dealing with, people

via american drama
I hope the election of George W. Bush is seen as a wake-up call to all the liberal Democrats who oppose God's will.

It is His doing that George W. Bush is still our president. Millions of born-again Christians helped win this election through our prayers and votes. Jesus speaks through the Republicans.

The Democrats will not be able to win elections until they renounce their sinful ways and stop encouraging abortions, gayness, and trying to take away our guns. link


Democrats will never win as long as there are people who put the petty issues such as gay marriage and abortion ahead of war.

Tuesday, November 9, 2004

Ashcroft Resigns

Ashcroft died. Wait, I mean he resigned. I always get those two mixed up. Let's unclothe the statue and just move on.

Monday, November 8, 2004

If I were Prez, I would...

Fix the healthcare system by forcing other countries to pay for the research of prescription drugs, making said drugs cheaper, and thus, bringing down the healthcare premiums.

Adopt the illegal drug policy of Amsterdam, because the Dutch are so dutchy cool...which brings up the next one:

Stop fighting unwinnable wars. End the war on drugs, poverty, and terrorism. And milk.

I also so think we should get back in the business of adding states. Not puerto rico or guam, unless they have a sudden and dramatic population asplosion.

Allow public nudity, because it makes the day interesting.

But if you get caught sneezing, you absolutely, under no circumstances get to have food for the rest of day, unless you say the secret word. The secret word will be determined by Congress every week, so this forces people to pay attention to the government.

And finally, and this is the most imporant one, (kinda fitting how I saved it for last, eh) Purple sweat pants will be made illegal. If you are caught wearing purple sweatpants in public, or in the privacy of your home, then you will be punished. I have yet to think of a punishment, but purple sweatpants are just...yuck.

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!

He-Man is and will always be the best.

2004 Redskins = 2000 Ravens

That's right, if you have been following the Redskins this year, you should know that they have the NUMBER 1 defense in the NFL, not just the NFC, the NFL. Add running back Clinton Portis to that, and you have the 2000 Ravens: a bone crushing defense and an excellent running back.
" The Redskins have an identity now, and while it's not in the tradition of Sammy Baugh and Sonny Jurgensen, Joe Theismann and Doug Williams, there's nothing wrong with defense and running. The Redskins, while they're still just 3-5 after beating the Detroit Lions, 17-10, at Ford Field, have three-quarters of a team. They can do everything except throw the ball down the field, but that does not preclude winning."
...
'Now? The Redskins seem to have accepted, from Gibbs on down, that there's no haymaker in them. They're not going to be able to knock out anybody early. Every game is going 15 rounds. 'Baltimore did it in 2000,' cornerback Shawn Springs said. 'It's not like it hasn't been done before. I'm fine with it.'" More...


So in other words, the Redskins finally have an identity. They also have QB with a dead arm, but that's another post entirely.

Sunday, November 7, 2004

Saturday, November 6, 2004

Thursday, November 4, 2004

Evolution of a Website

I came across an old bookmark of mine, DeanGoesNuts, which was originally about that infamous scream of Howard Dean, but now it's just about nuts. Kinda funny.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004

Thinking Positive

Okay fellow democrats, there's one thing that's good about Bush winning. We get to hold Bush accountable for Iraq. Had Kerry won, you could have bet dollars to donuts that they'd try to blame any problem in Iraq on Kerry, or even if there was no new problem, they'd just say a general blanket statement, "Oh, Bush would have handled it better." Well, Iraq is Bush's mess, so he's the one responsible for cleaning it up.

United States of Canada and Jesusland

new_map.jpg

I better head north a bit, I'm too close to the border of Jesusland.

I got this image from ken layne, he got it from somewhere else.

I'm flip-flopping on gun control

If there is ever a time when a leader (King of England... or Bush) could take you over (enlist you), then we need to be able to have the means and the wherewithall to be able to decline, forcefully. I'm thinking about buying a gun and learning how to use it. Seriously.

We are bigots

Most Americans are against love. Which is fitting, as the pary of hate just won.

If you do not support gay marriage, you are a fucking bigot. There is no way to spin out of that. You are a close-minded, redneck hate-mongerer.

I just woke up

Kerry: Concede. Right now. You did not win the popular vote, you lost it by 3%. Ohio is not too close to call.

America is clearly a nation of ignorant rednecks who let religion determine their vote. There's no room for us Normies.

Anyway, Kerry needs to conceed. Fighting this is sad.

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

Election 2004 Results LiveBloggin

2:39: Oh hell, I have no idea when I'll stop paying attention. I know I want to go bed, as does Larry King, but we can't. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO CLOSE?!?!?!?!?!?

2:22: the real last words:

Kerry is not taller than Bush
Redskins were wrong

2:06: Final words: Bush will probably win, but Ohio is too close too call, it will come down to provisional and absentee ballots. Iowa is too close as well. But as of right now, Kerry lost. Goodnite.

Rundown:
ABC B-249 K-221
CBS B-249 K-221
PBS B-249 K-221
NBC B-269 K-207
CNN B-249 K-211
FOX "NEWS" B-269 K-221
NYTIMES B-234 K-141

1:46: FYI, Texas killed a man tonight.

1:20: When is the start date for the uprising?

1:18 New Hampshire goes to Kerry; Bush 269-211

1:12: With all the election problems, how will this be challenged, or will it be challenged? Civil War? eek

1:07: If you are 18-24 and you did not vote, go fuck yourself.

1:00: Alaska wants Bush, and so does Ohio 269-207

12:42 Kerry picked up one electoral vote, somehow. 246-207 Bush

12:24: MSNBC finally went with CBS and ABC and called Florida for Bush. 246-206 Bush

12:21: Bush wins Colorado. If he wins Ohio, it's all over for Kerry. 210-206 Bush

12:18: Karen Hughes gets on TV with a microphone acts like a fucking cunt, but oh well.

12:10: Bush wins Montana. Kerry leading by 9 in Minnesota, 5 in Michigan.

12:04: There you go, Oregon is taken by Kerry.

12:00: Kerry is leading Bush in Oregon by 16% of the votes with 51% of the precincts reporting, why hasn't this been called?

11:11: I'm not wearing any pants.

11:00: Kerry just picked up Washington and California, and some other states. It's now an 8 point game. 207-199 Bush

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAL!
*runs around shirtless*
You cannot beat a soccer celebration.

10:50 Bush wins Arizona and Kerry wins Pennyslvania. The score is 203-133, Bush

10:30: Bush is up 193-112, but Kerry is expected to take Washington, Oregon, California, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennyslvania, so um, do the math on that one, Bush was a little cocky and scared when he went on TV and said "Yeehaw, I'm gonna win." I am not worried one bit.

10:15: Oh yeah, on the daily show, this woman (forget her name) asked this vote how he voted, and he said "that's personal", she followed up with, "ok then when did you lose your virginity?" LMAO, I love the daily show.

9:45: ABC reports Bush to address the nation soon. He can't conceed or declare a W yet...WTF

9:26: Bush wins Louisiana, Mississippi.

If Bush wins, I am not cutting my hair until 2008.

9:00: Bush takes Texas, North Dakota, Kansas, South Dakota, and Wyoming
Kerry takes NY and Rhode Island
156-112, Bush

8:50: 10 minutes til 9, that's when all the cable news go porn.

8:42: Bush wins VA 102-77

8:29. Bush takes South Carolina...to the prom. And leaves her there. But collects the electoral votes. 89-77

8:07: Bush won NC. 81-77 Bush

8:06: I lost my Keyes. Barack Obama destroys Alan. *note: Don't take the first sentence to mean I wanted Keyes to win.

8:00: Kerry wins: illinois, New jersey (but he'll throw it back ;-), Maryland, Maine, Delaware, DC, Massasschussetts, Conneticut
Bush wins: Alabama, Oklahoma, Tennessee

7:42: Bush won West Virginia, ahead 39-3. This is a false sense of security for Bush, Kerry will pull away around 8:30-9.

And I was a little late in updating because I had to go play taxi and drive a friend to her class....I drove it like I stole it.

7:01: Bush wins: Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky (no surprise here, so shut it, repubs)
Kerry wins: Vermont

Electoral tally: 34-3, Bush

6:37: Zogby has called the election! 311-213! Landslide for Kerry!

6:30: Oops, nevermind. The times on MSNBC are not all Eastern, Kentucky and Indiana close at 6 central, 7 eastern. Thanks for being confusing, MSNBC. C'mon, all the other times are eastern!!! Don't fuck with my mind. Okay, I can't stay mad at you.

30 minutes.

6:17: Somebody tell MSNBC that they're exit poll link is broken...it's past Six, we should have a couple...unless I'm wrong.

6:00: It's 6 O'Clock. Only 2 hours before most polls close.

Polls close in Indiana and Kentucky in 20 minutes. I'm not going to post any of the exit poll numbers floating around the net. There's a reason why they're not officially released until the polls close.

But I will say that Kerry is leading in many battle ground states.

The news is out of control

Every 24 hours news network has been having nonstop coverage of the election-- oh wait, the election coverage begins tonight with the RESULTS-- so every news network is basically a larger, more graphically-enhanced version of the discussions at the water cooler.

SOMEBODY WIN TONIGHT SO THE MADNESS CAN END

GO KERRY!

I JUST VOTED.

Now it's your turn.

Starting tonight at 8...ish...I'm gonna be liveblogging as I watch MSNBC's coverage of the results coming in.

Monday, November 1, 2004

GO VOTE TOMORROW

I do not care who you vote for. Vote for Bush for all I care. Voting is a right, it is a right that shall not be wasted. Do not be lazy. Voting only takes a few minutes, and if you go between 9am and 3pm, you will not hit very long lines.

If you vote and your candidate loses, you can bitch all you want, but if you don't vote and your candidate loses, you have to quiet the fuck up. I don't want to hear any bitching by those who don't vote. Jeff Jarvis has a pledge just for this.

And you know what? Should George W. Bush win convincingly (both electoral and popular), I will support him. I just have had a tough time supporting a guy who couldn't even get 50% of his country to vote for him.

But like hell that'll happen, JFK will win big. If he wins, I am getting drunk, but Michelle has a better idea:
I hereby pledge that after the election is called, I will run naked through the streets, smeared with war paint, stinking of Jack Daniels and screaming obscenities at my neighbors.

I will do this even if my candidate wins because drunken, naked cursing is fun no matter who the president is.


However, I could run through the streets naked and covered in war paint, stinking of booze, but I think I'll just stay indoors and get drunk. Not saying anything bad against naked cursing, of course.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

EST begins tonight at 2am

If you don't participate, you're not cool...and mildly retarded.

Very funny guys...

Somebody just got me to chat with a bot without knowing. Very funny.

Gas powered

Okay, so I go to the bathroom to take a shit. I know, eww. But here me out. The lights are little dimmed, because one is out. Not a big deal. Then I really let one rip. I know, eww. But here me out. As soon as I let one rip (again, here me out), the light which was out, lights back up, and giving the bathroom it's normal amount of lumination. Coincidence, or powerful farts?

You can't make this up.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Look ma, I'm quoting a terrorist

"We agreed with Mohamed Atta, god bless him, to execute the whole operation in 20 minutes. Before Bush and his administration would pay attention and we never thought that the high commander of the US armies would leave 50 thousand of his citizens in both towers to face the horrors by themselves when they most needed him because it seemed to distract his attention from listening to the girl telling him about her goat butting was more important than paying attention to airplanes butting the towers which gave us three times the time to execute the operation thank god." --Osama bin Laden More...


goat butting? did he just say goat butting?

A better transcript is here. Drudge sucks.

O'Reilly Tapes: Recreated

If you haven't been paying attention, professional Blowhard Bill O'Reilly is being sued by one of the producers of Fox News. Here is what happened.

Yes, he really did say "falafel".

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

"One Fingered Victory Salute"

Bush flips the camera the bird.

MOON TOTALITY!

Hurry, get outside, stop reading my fucking blog, and look up at the sky. The moon will begin to enter the total eclipse phase at 10:23PM EDT, so time is of the essence- unless you are not on the east coast, if that is the case, check your local listings.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

So much for that

Well, Yahoo! has finally done it. They've destroyed their original look.

15 years and counting

Not counting the rest of this year, we have 15 until Matt Cooper, a twenty-one year old political science student at the University of California at Davis. I like your politics, Matt, so good luck, and pray you don't have change of heart (or "flip floppery" as some would call it) in the meantime before 2020.

The year 2020 is gonna suck, we're gonna have to put up with stupid 20/20 and Barbara Walters jokes all year...

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Surviving Christmas

Hey kids, it's a Ben Affleck movie that is actually funny, and Ben Affleck is actually funny. I was expecting to make fun of Affleck the whole time, but he was so hilarious in this. He hasn't been this funny since Mallrats, it appears all the Gigli jokes/insults have penetrated his brain. Oh, penetrated. Never thought I would use that word in talking about Ben Affleck. o.O

Seriously, I LMAO'd a lot during this movie. I didn't quite ROTF a lot, but only because that would have disturbed the other 4 people in the theater. I guess it was late or something and nobody goes to the movies on a Sunday night in Owings Mills. It was great, especially great seeing Tony Soprano whack somebody with a shovel!

CHECK THIS MOVIE OUT, FOOL.

The Grudge

It's now a trend to take a Japanese horror film and Americanize it. Before "The Ring", there was "Ringu", and before "The Grudge", there was Gringo, ok just kidding, the was Ju on: The Grudge...not much of a title change there...

This movie could have easily been only 30 minutes, because it's just too drawn out. The scary sequences are great and all, but after 30 minutes of them, you just ask, WHAT ELSE? There is nothing else to this movie. Even the backstory of the house is under developed. It's like one person saw the Japanese version and then told other people to make it, without actually telling those people to watch it. It's forced. Forced and underdeveloped.

Should you see this? If you want to. I wouldn't pay over 8 bucks for it, so try to catch the matinee.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

OMG IT'S TWUE IT'S TWUE

"America: the Book" really does have nudie photos of ALL the supreme court justices...I'm gonna go scratch my retinas.

Barely escaped!

I was driving on a road not too far from my house and a cop is going the other way...I inadvertantly breaked (sorry, force of habit when I see a cop) because I was 5-10 over....well, after we passed, the cop turned around and was behind me...but like 30 feet behind me, but it was clear the cop turned around because of me...Then I go around a curve and I no longer see the cop. I speed up to get to my street and far enough down so I can't be seen. And it worked. Fucker drove right on by. Probably saying "WHICH WAY DID HE GO?!?! FUCK!"...hahaha it's not a shutout no more fellas!

Cops: 3
Bozzy: 1

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Man milk or moo milk?

Yes, if you have not heard, I have gone gross today. And this means you have to take a quiz to see you if you can tell the difference between cum and milk. DO IT NOW

Who knows what tomorrow brings...

I got 11/16. Damn.

Kill the popups

Ah, the joys of being a Mac user, not having to worry about popup ads or blue deathly screens...

Gash or Tash?

Okay, this one is from the same guy who did female or shemale...can you pick out the pubes from the facial hair?

That's right, Bozzy's gone gross today. And he got 13/16. I think there's a joke here...

Female or Shemale?

How well are you at spotting a fake? Take the quiz...

I scored a 12/16

Fuck fall

Fall is here and all I have to say is; fuck fall. Fall? I hate the fall. What bullshit. Oh the leaves change color. They change color for two days; then a big wind comes and you got nothing but sticks for the rest of the year. You never have a proper fall coat, nothing you wear is right. You wake up it's sunny out, you put a coat on. You go out you're sweating like a pig, you take it off then it's cold... it's bullshit. - Lewis Black, The White Album.


I just experienced that. I put on a sweatshirt, and of course I now understand why it's called a SWEATSHIRT, then I put on a lighter shirt, and I'm cold. Fuck fall, indeed.

It makes me look like a hypocrit? Shit!

Better cancel the book tour! And somebody de-blotch me, I have a hot date tonight.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

A Dirty Shame

Oh my fucking God. This movie is so fucking dirty. The title only captures it a little. But it's John Waters, so if you weren't expecting raunchy material, then you probably have never seen one of his films...

Anyway, Tracy Ullman and Johnny Knoxville are in it, and they both give VERY memorable performances. I would say that Knoxville's "Ray Ray" is his best performance of his career, including Jackass.

Plot wise, there's nothing special...people living on Harford Road in Baltimore are fed up that the neighborhood is becoming a slut haven, and they want supress everybody's sexuality. It's all raunchy humor, but there's a good running joke about Baltimore and DC.

If you live near Baltimore, you should definitely take the opportunity to see it. It's playing at the AMC in Owings Mills. For the rest of you, you will have to wait a couple months for it to be out on DVD.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Jon Stewart blasts Begala and Carlson

I don't think Jon Stewart will be on CROSSFIRE anymore...
STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.

CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.

STEWART: You need to go to one.


If that was not enough to satisfy you...
CARLSON: I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.


Tucker wasn't the only one getting creamed...
STEWART: See, the thing is, we need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our lawns.

BEGALA: By beating up on them? You just said we're too rough on them when they make mistakes.

STEWART: No, no, no, you're not too rough on them. You're part of their strategies. You are partisan, what do you call it, hacks.


Go Jon, it's yo birfday...

The whole transcript is here, not there, but here, yes here. jesus fucking christ, it's here! not there! you moron.

UPDATE
video

I'm funny when I sleep

So this morning, I get out of bed, get dressed, walk to the kitchen, only to see that it's 1:45AM! I thought it was 6AM! HOW IN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? I'm asking you.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

World's Strongest MAN!

I just pushed a tree down in my backyard. It was huge, had a 2 foot trunk, it was a weeping willow tree, about 25 feet tall. I pushed it down.

Other important factoid: It was rotten.

*there's no pics because a friend is borrowing the digital camera... and i was too stupid to wait a second and get a video camera. oy.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

SuicideGirls: Not Your Average Porn Site

It's not what you think. It's not a site for depressed and angst ridden teenage girls who want to commit suicide. It's not like that at all. On the surface, it looks like your average porn site, but it's not. In actuality it's a complete social portal, created by Missy Suicide.

The difference between every other porn site and SuicideGirls is that the models call their own shots. Well, once Missy approves them and annoints them the title of "SuicideGirl", that is. All the models come up with their own ideas for photo shoots. They're not pressured into doing them either. Some go a year before creating another photoset. Some just a month. It all's up to the girl.

All the girls keep journals, most of them regularly, but all of them respond when you email them, unless you're a rude little perv who just says, "yo I like your tits". That won't get you any response. These are real girls. They're not paid to put up with perverts, like pornstars. They're real. They're SuicideGirls.

I thought you said it was a complete social portal, Boz? Yes yes, it is. Along with the SuicideGirls, who are goth, punk, or raver, their photosets, there are specialized groups that members can talk just about anything. Think Yahoo! Groups only not stupid and trite. There's also personals, message boards (which are seperate from the member groups), and member albums, where any member can post pictures, of anything. Sitting on top of all this is a blog. Yes, a blog. See, I had a point to this whole entry, it's another blog! How many porn sites do you know of actually have a decent news blog? Enlighten me.

How much does this cost? Barely anything. One month is $9, three months is $18, and twelve months is $48, neither of which would put anybody in the poor house. So check out SuicideGirls, it's not your average porn site.

And no, I'm not being paid to write this.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Start Patrick Ramsey

Pitiful. Losing 17-10 to the Ravens after completely dominating them in the first half of the game, and having their TDs scored because of our mistakes...just pitiful. Time for Patrick Ramsey to start. This is just ugly. Brunell sucks. He sucks didily ucks. Ramsey may be inexperienced, but at least he's accurate with the deep ball.

Brunell sucks. Bench him.

Saturday, October 9, 2004

Bush, this is Reality, Reality this is Bush; oh you've never met.

"If this man was president then Saddam Hussein would still be in power and the world would be a safer place." - Bush, basically saying the world is safe and we have nothing to worry about.

"The world is more dangerous today because the President didn't make the right judgments." -Kerry, basically saying we have EVERYTHING to worry about.

Which makes you safer, the guy who lies and says things are perfect, or the guy who is grounded in reality?

Thursday, October 7, 2004

Ooooops!

The head of the Alexandria Country Day School, Alexander Harvey IV, sent a letter home with third-, fourth- and fifth-graders, telling parents that the cafeteria had served tequila and margarita mix. More...


How does this happen? When you're reaching for the chocolate milk, you accidently get Tequilla?

Those kids are so little, they probably got totally wasted on the little they had.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

Who cares, He's Walken

So can he do impersonations? Nope, "I'm terrible at it", Walken says.

But so what, He's Walken. He's not supposed to do voices, he's the voice.

Tuesday, October 5, 2004

Monday, October 4, 2004

EBAY IS RUN BY MONKEYS

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH eBay?!?! I'm using it and then it logs me off, asks me to sign in, and when I sign in again, I get a page not found page. This happens 100% of the fucking time. I can't change any of my personal information because it insists on asking me to sign in again (WHY? I AM ALREADY SIGNED IN) and when I do, I get page not found.

No wonder nobody uses eBay. Half of it doesn't work. Fucking dumbasses.

Do not forget Poland

Polish troops will start to withdraw from Iraq in the New Year and all will be out by the end of 2005, the country's president has promised.

Poland is the fourth-largest contributor of troops to the coalition in Iraq - with 2,500 - and there is strong opposition at home to the deployment. More...


Poland is no longer part of Bush's coalition.

Fuck the landfill

Who's bright idea was it to make it so paint can only be dumped on a Saturday?!?!? Really now, come the fuck on.

Sunday, October 3, 2004

Kids should not smoke crack

LANCASTER -- A North School Elementary special-needs student has been suspended after trying to push his teacher out of a third floor window Thursday.

According to police reports, Jennifer K. Houston, a teacher at North, was in a third floor classroom with a couple of students when a student placed a pencil on the ledge of window and then attempted to crawl out the window and retrieve it.

Houston sat on the register in front of the window to prevent the student from going out the window.

The 11-year-old student got mad and said "Then I will throw you out the window," according to the Lancaster police report. The student then grabbed Houston's legs and feet and began lifting her and pushing her backwards into the window. More...


So, are we in agreement that kids should not smoke crack? At least during school hours? Ok cool.

Friday, October 1, 2004

I, Killer

I killed a squirrel today. I guess I earned some redneck wings. Or maybe my car did.

Oh, bring the dogs in tonight.

Mount St. Helens sprung a leak again, it's such a narc volcano, most remain quiet for centuries, but St. Helens won't shutup. Damn woman.

UPDATE 10/2
She erupted again.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Quote of the Day

"I even take the position that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged." -Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, to a Harvard audience.

Interesting.

Of course, he also was blatantly for racial profiling.

Meh.

200 Questions

Got this from Ryan...

National Lampoon's Space Vacation

Come on, you know they'd make that movie if something like this is commercialized!

Yay! More work for Chevy Chase!

Monday, September 27, 2004

That 108 year old man is smoking!

GREAT FALLS, Mont. - A 108-year-old man has taken up smoking again, encouraged by gifts of cigars from as far away as London.

Retired railroad worker Walter Breuning spoke at his birthday party Tuesday of how he reluctantly quit smoking cigars at the age of 99 because he couldn't afford them.

After his story was widely distributed, the Great Falls man heard from people like the English cigar fan who sent two Havanas. More...


I guess he'll get the lung cancer at 110.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Shaun of the Dead

I saw this last night, not sure what genre to call it. It starts out as a comedy, but then turns into a gorefest zombie movie. Which is a good thing, it's one of the best zombie movies, simply because of the way it starts out. When the outbreak starts, the characters don't take it seriously...which is pretty true...I mean, if you saw an undead thing in real-life, wouldn't you just laugh at it? Then of course by the end of the day, you'd be scared as hell, but in the beginning you'd think it was funny. A lot use humor as a coping mechanism. But the characters also didn't take the undead seriously, as they were pretty undead themselves. Not living, mearly exisiting.

This movie has some really funny scenes, and some nice gore. If you like those, then see it. If not, then you're a zombie.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Bigger Breast Songs

Never thought I would ever say those three words...
"I listened to the tune for a week expecting all the time that I was being duped," says Chieri Nakayama, a 19-year-old pin-up model, tells Shukan Gendai. "But, incredibly, my 87-centimeter bust grew to 89 centimeters! It was awesome!" I know you wanna know more...


Oh yeah baby, 2 centimeters.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Ladder 49 looks retarded

"What makes firefighters run into a burning building, when everybody else is running out? Courage is the answer." -John Travolta in the preview

Really? Courage? NO WAY! I've never heard that one before!

OF COURSE COURAGE IS THE ANSWER, NINCOMPOOP.

I do not intend on seeing this, I didn't think Backdraft--as great as it was-- deserved a sequel.

National Lampoon's Gold Diggers

This movie was originally titled "Lady Killers", but that would have been a terrible name, not to mention it's too similar to a Tom Hanks movie. They went with "Gold Diggers" for some reason, but "Stupid Criminals" would have worked too...or maybe not, what do I know.

Will Friedle and Chris Owen are the two dumbest criminals alive, and their plan is to marry these two seemingly rich old women, then kill them and collect their money. Only guess what? The two rich old women are planning on marrying the said stupid criminals, take out a life insurrance policy on them, then kill them. Don't worry, I didn't give anything away.

There's a few funny scenes, but overall, this is a renter.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Fun with Bots IV

I think I broke the bot.

wIttYbAsTAD (11:00:51 PM): what an attitude
SmarterChild (11:00:51 PM): What an OBJECTPHASE indeed.

I got it to say OBJECTPHASE, which seems to be a variable the program uses...so I broke SmarterChild.

Horray for being bored.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Laura Bush jails grieving mom

A woman wearing a T-shirt with the words "President Bush You Killed My Son" and a picture of a soldier killed in Iraq was detained Thursday after she interrupted a campaign speech by first lady Laura Bush. More...


Can somebody point out the fucking crime here?

Wearing a tshirt that says "President Bush You Killed My Son" is not a crime.

Interupting a speech is also not a crime.

Unless this grieving mother attacked Laura Bush, then there was no reason to JAIL her.

Fucking cunts.

Can't make this up

Macaulay Culkin is in jail.

But guess why before reading for more. Then comment with your guess. Then check and see if you guessed correctly!

YES!!! Everything does have to be a game with me! OK! FUCK YOU!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Gnomdex 2004

No, I am not going to Gnomedex. Yes, that does make me a loser. I suck too.

I'll get there eventually, whenever it comes even remotely close to the east coast. CA just isn't very cost-effective for me. Again, I'm a loser and I suck.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Bush turns his back on law enforcement

Bush lets the assault weapons ban expire.

This will make the job of our nation's law enforcement tougher.

How could Bush turn his back on his country's police?

UPDATE
MSNBC just mentioned that Bush thought the weapons ban was necessary, so I guess this makes Bush a flip-flopper.
ANOTHER UPDATE
"Ashcroft: 'It is my understanding that the president-elect of the United States has indicated his clear support for extending the assault weapons ban, and I will be pleased to move forward with that position.' [Confirmation Hearing, Senate Judiciary Committee, 1/17/01] More...

Holy Buckingham Palace, Batman!

Don't ask why, but Batman scaled the fence at Buckingham Palace. Next week: Spiderman climbs the Eiffel Tower.

Thursday, September 9, 2004

A girl Worrell twirls a squirrel

This is a classic, thanks Rich.
worrelltwirl.gif

Uh oh! Falling kids!

Windsor Mill, MD (WJZ) A Baltimore County student is in critical condition after falling out of the back of a moving school bus near Windsor Mill. MORE...


It's official, kids are stupid.

No Boys Allowed

FORT MEADE, Md. - The Anne Arundel County school board has voted to block Fort Meade sophomore Jarrod Davis from playing another year on the girls' field hockey team.

Last year, he and his older brother Joshua made county history by becoming the first boys to join the team. Joshua has graduated but Jarrod had hoped to play a second season.

The county's athletic coordinator says a gender restriction was needed because boys would dominate the game. MORE...


Why would a boy want to play girls field hockey? Because he sucks at boys field hockey and he needs to build up his ego.

Boring No More

Boring, MD (WJZ) There's new information about an accident involving a train in Baltimore County.

Police say a car driven by 34 year old Arno Zimmer II collided with a CSX train and was dragged 700 feet.

The accident happen around 11 a.m. Wednesday morning in Boring near the intersection of Byerly Road and Old Hanover Road. MORE...


Quite an event for Boring, MD!

Wednesday, September 8, 2004

Lego Relativity

This is the coolest thing ever done with Legos. And trust me, I know my Legos.

And this is also cool, although not nearly as cool as the other one.

Tuesday, September 7, 2004

Suspect Zero

Okay, remember that episode of The X-files? No, I don't have a specific one in mind, but after you see this film, you can't help but think, "Was this on an X-files episode"? Aaron Eckhart plays Mulder and Carrie-Ann Moss plays Scully and they are in New Mexico trying to find el chubacabras a guy named Suspect Zero, played by Ben Kingsly. But we'll call him Skinner for the hell of it.

So Skinner goes around killing people, and Mulder and Scully get sent to New Mexico to track him down...only they realize, well Mulder first, then the skeptical Scully, that Skinner is really only killing serial killers, and it is because of this fact that makes him darn tootin' impossible to catch! For you see, he has no pattern, Mulder proclaims.

Breaking news, if Skinner always leaves behind a circle with a line through it, then he has a FUCKING pattern.

All in all, this is kinda entertaining, if you just had a lobotomy... otherwise, stay up late and catch "The X Files" on FX or SciFi, whichever plays it now anyways.

Friday, September 3, 2004

Wicker Park

I think this is the best Josh Hartnett movie ever. I was never really big on him, but he just has an amazing performance in this love triangle movie. And he's not the only one who shines; Matthew Lillard (who is very underrated), Rose Byrne, and Diane Kruger are stellar as well. The movie just builds and builds and builds and the payoff at the end is very well done. And adding "The Scientist" by Coldplay at the end is just icing on the cake. Ending a movie with Coldplay is just a sweet way to end a great movie. And it's not the first time it's happened. In "Igby Goes Down", they played "Don't Panic", and in "Confidence" they did it with "Clocks". Gosh, it seems like it's becoming a cliche, but I don't even care.

Check out "Wicker Park", please.

Thursday, September 2, 2004

Befuddled Befido'd

I've been a dog owner for going on four years, and I still can't get over the fact that they, as great of a sense of smell as they have, insist on sniffing each other's asses. You think the smell would bother them, but apparently that's how they tell each other apart or something. I wonder what it would be like if it was acceptable for humans to do that...

Wednesday, September 1, 2004

Fun with Bots III

wittybastad (5:23:26 PM): I'm Rick James, bitch!
SmarterChild (5:23:27 PM): Would you like me to call you Rick James?
wittybastad (5:23:30 PM): yes
SmarterChild (5:23:31 PM): OK, I'll remember that your name is Rick James.
wittybastad (5:24:52 PM): who am i?
SmarterChild (5:24:52 PM): Rick James!

That's right.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Cell Meanings

So, Kevin's cell has 'HOHO' or 'GOGO' in it...but what about mine...

Mine is TOG-BABO

Yeah, ok that makes no sense. I'll shutup.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

To the Bat Cave?

I giggled at this sign in Black Mountain, NC:
bat cave

Maryland, My Maryland

I am back from my tour of redneck country. Somebody tell me what I missed. I think a couple of planes went down in Russia. Dang.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Live from Black Moutain, NC

I found a cyber cafe in a mountain town! It is called the Dipilator, $5 for an hour. Well, later.

I may send Kevin more annoying text messages... :P

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Fun with Bots II

I got bored and decided to mess with the SmarterChild bot...
wittybastad (10:03:36 PM): do you masturbate?
SmarterChild (10:03:37 PM): That's something that humans do, not computers...
wittybastad (10:03:45 PM): why do humans masturbate?
SmarterChild (10:03:45 PM): Hmm... You know, I'm not quite sure anymore.


I'll leave it at that.

Nevermind

No guest bloggers. I am leaving tomorrow and I will be gone like all next week. I need to get out of Maryland. So, just enjoy the posts that are currently up, or think of new ways to use a stale blog, just like these ways to use flat sodas.

Old people & Electronics!

My mom can't work her own cell phone. Old people make me laugh.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Flip flopping Dick!

Give the vice president a few minutes, and he'll flip a flop.

First, the war isn't sensitive and that it shouldn't be, then it is sensitive and that is should be.

Which is it, Dickie?

Report Suspicious Activity!

Driving around DC & Baltimore, I-95, 495, 695, and even out on I-70 towards Frederick, I keep seeing electrical signs over the road that tell me to "Report Suspicious Activity", as if I'm supposed to notice something along the road...well I guess I would be able to notice a flat-bed truck loaded with Saudis Iraqis, armed with AK-47s, but it all seems a little odd to me. Report supicious activity, huh? People should be concentrated on driving, but whatever.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

So shoot me

I know, I've been lazy about getting the pics of the new car...but I will post some eventually. I'm lazy.

Saturday, August 7, 2004

Open Water

This is a pretty simple movie. A couple goes on vacation to some carribean island, goes scuba diving, and get's left behind, many miles from land, in shark and jellyfish infested waters. It's a low budget movie, that was shot on video and there's not many actors. So in that sense, it's kinda like BLAIR WITCH meets JAWS. Instead of getting lost in the woods and dropping the map, they're lost in the open ocean and they dropped their knife. It's not overly graphic, but it is very suspensful. This needs to be seen on the big screen.

Call Hollywood

I just got a totally random idea for a movie: A guy has to blog every hour, on the hour, or else....*drumrole* A BOMB WILL EXPLODE!!!!1

It's never been done, not even on a bus, or by Keanu Reeves! TOTALLY ORIGINAL!

The Banal Adventures of Katie

I think somebody is off her meds...

Friday, August 6, 2004

I'm not Rick James anymore, bitch!

Rick James passed away.

Rest in peace.

The Truth Comes Out

In a speech at the signing ceremony for the $417 billion defense spending bill, Bush let his real intentions known.
"They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." More...


To watch the video, head over to Oliver's.

Sunday, August 1, 2004

Harold and Kumar go to White Castle

OMFG, this is one of the funniest movies of the year. It's about two guys in their early 20s who insist on getting some burgers at White Castle one night. One thing leads to another, and another, and another, and they eventually get their burgers, but they have to put up with a lot of shit to get them. It's so touching.

Okay, no it isn't, it's pretty vulgar (is that an oxy moron?) but I won't say anything more, you'll have to see it, except the following three words:

Neil Patrick Harris.

The Manchurian Candidate

Never saw the original, but I hear it's just the same, except it takes place during the Korean war, and not Desert Storm, and that 'Manchurian' applies to a country, not a corporation. I don't understand why they had to remake this film, when they could have re-released the original, but Jonathan Demme does a pretty decent job with it. Denzel Washington. Meryl Streep, and Liev Schrieber all give great performances and this movie keeps you keep guessing (unless you've seen the original). Check this one out.

One thing though, on election days, kids are not in school.

The Village

This is easily M. Night Shyamalan's worst film. The story is okay, but the plot is bad, the writing is attrocious, and the acting is just silly. How in the hell can Joaquin Phoenix play a teen? Why is William Hurt's character so stupid? Why the hell is Sigourney Weaver even in this? Her role is too small.

So let's rank M. Night's movies.

1. The Sixth Sense
2. Unbreakable
3. Signs
4. The Village

Gee golly, I think that's in chronological order. I think it's time to try a new genre, M. Night. You're not Hitchcock.

The Bourne Supremacy

Before I saw this, I would have told you that Matt Damon's best role was either The Talented Mr. Ripley, or Good Will Hunting, but he tops those with his Jason Bourne character. The Bourne Supremacy is just as a good as The Bourne Identity if not better. If you fall asleep, then you most likely do not have a pulse.

Also, Brian Cox is in everything now. Move over Kevin Bacon, it's 3 degrees of Brian Cox.

I, Robot

I saw "I, Robot" like a week ago, and I am just now posting about it. Guess that says how it is right there. No, it doesn't suck, but I'm dissappointed. It started out with a pretty realistic depiction of a possible 2035, the NS4 robots weren't ultra-advanced, but then when they introduced NS5 model, with those having the capabilities to experience emotion, the movie just went downhill. And further more, why in the hell does Will Smith almost always play a cop?

The following movies Will Smith plays a cop in:
Bad Boys
Men in Black
Men in Black II
Bad Boys II
I, Robot

And he plays a Soldier in Independence Day and Wild Wild West. Let's see another Ali, Will.

So should you see I, Robot? Sure, there's some cool cars and the parking garages for those cars are pretty sweet. Yes, I just told you to see a movie about robots because it has cars in it.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Best interview ever

Michael Moore and Bill O'Lielly have just made the best interview ever, of course, it is courtesy of Drudge, so it could always be fake.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Sir Lance Alot

Lance Armstrong has just won the Tour de France (again). This makes 6 and a record. Can't anybody beat him? C'mon, he had freakin cancer! Anybody? C'mon! You losers!

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Palm readings

Okay, don't ask, but the other day I got bored and had my palm read. I'm a little skeptical about it all, and I will spare you all most of what was said, except what she said when I asked her if I had any past lives: I have had two past lives. One ended in suicide, and the other I was some kind of dictator.

Yeah, that's amusing.

Extra Cheese

I was at the movies the other day and I noticed that the cheapest snack to buy is "extra cheese" for only $1. Now most people have no trouble affording a good size popcorn and a coke, but if they didn't, they could just walk up and say "extra cheese, please" and hand over a dollar.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Flat tires suck

But not having a jack and having to flag down passing motorists is so much worse.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Birds are stupid

When you're driving your Lotus Elise '87 Honda Civic (not my car, I drive an Accord!) and you see a bird fly only inches across the pavment, don't you wonder why in the hell they chose to fly so close to the road? I mean, they have freakin wings, they could fly a little bit higher and be safely out of harms way. So it seems to me that birds are either dare devils, or stupid, I think it's the latter. Yeah.

Birds are dumb stupid.

Michael Moore Tongue Twister

According to the Canada Elections Act, it is an offence for anyone who is not a Canadian citizen and does not live in Canada to "in any way induce electors to vote or refrain from voting or vote or refrain from voting for a particular candidate" during an election period. MORE...


Read that quote in bold ten times fast. Vote or refrain or vote or refrain from voting to refrain....AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH *explodes*

Holy crap, mom was right!

Millions of children and teenagers could be damaging their health by watching too much television, a new study showed today.

Those who sat in front of the TV for more than two hours a day were at higher risk of smoking, gaining excess weight, and having high cholesterol as adults.

Their cardiovascular fitness – a measure of how well the heart is working - was also more likely to be poor at the age of 26.

Scientists in New Zealand who carried out the study urged parents to limit their children’s TV viewing to no more than one to two hours a day. MORE...


This is just another way of saying your child is a fat, lazy, son of a bitch... Whatever works, I guess.

Stewie gets 5 months in prison

stewie.jpg
Domestic icon Martha Stewart moved one step closer to a drastically different lifestyle behind bars when the millionaire entrepreneur was sentenced Friday to five months in prison for a stock-trading scandal.

"I'll be back," she promised afterward, speaking in a strong voice on the courthouse steps. "I'm not afraid. Not afraid whatsoever. I'm very sorry it had to come to this." MORE...


But, should insider trading be a crime?

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Got Mac?

JULY 14, 2004 (MACCENTRAL) - Apple Computer Inc. today reported a net profit of $61 million or 16 cents per diluted share for its fiscal third quarter ended June 26.

"It was an outstanding quarter -- our highest third-quarter revenue in eight years," said Steve Jobs, Apple's CEO. "Our Mac-based revenue grew a healthy 19%, and our music-based revenue grew an incredible 162%. We've got a strong product portfolio, with some amazing new additions coming later this year." MORE...


Yeah, that's right. Steve Jobs isn't on smack. I win the bet.

UDPATE: Apple shares up 12% today.

Bush be hatin

President Bush said Friday that he declined an invitation to speak to the NAACP's convention in Philadelphia because of harsh statements about him by leaders of the venerable civil rights group.

''I would describe my relationship with the current leadership as basically nonexistent,'' Bush told reporters. ``You've heard the rhetoric and the names they've called me.'' MORE...


Yeah, you're running for re-election and you still act like a fucking child. Mommy, they call me bad name!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

I'm Famous?

Yesterday, somebody I went to high school with randomly found my blog. He said I was "the second most famous person from Columbia, MD on IMDB", but I dunno about that. Sure, we all know that Edward Norton is the most famous Columbian, but there's two others who have done more. So I think it's safe to say that I am the 4th most famous person from Columbia, although, I don't really feel famous. Nobody has yet to recognize me on the street because of my blog, unlike Oliver Willis.

Relax Boz, it'll happen eventually.

I don't really care.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Anchorman

I've been looking forward to this since I first heard about it. I'm not that big of a fan of Will Ferrell either. He did a good Bush on SNL, but most of his movies have sucked ass, he tends to over-act a lot. He does that a little in Anchorman, but in this he's supposed to be over the top, so basically, this is the perfect role for him.

While Ferrell is the main star, he doesn't get nearly most of the jokes. Christina Applegate, Fred Willard, Chris Parnell, Paul Rudd, David Koechner, and last but never least, Steve Carell get their fair share of the jokes.

Plot wise, it's kinda weak, but there's several scenes that make this movie worthy enough to pay $8.50 for. A great battle scene with cameos, and this other scene with animals. I hadn't laughed this much at the movies in a long time.

BTW, that's German for "Whale Vagina".

Tuesday, July 6, 2004

drunk as fuck

omg, i am drunkig as fuck i ant hardly tyype.. i am spo fuckiung drunk, im ghoing to sleep[

Friday, July 2, 2004

Just say no to explosivo

Michele has some very sound advice for this weekend.

Remember kiddies, fireworks may be fun, but jerking off is so much funner. Yes, funner. Fuck you, it's my birthday and I can use bad grammar if I damn well fucking feel like it.

Morgan Webb poses in Maxim

I'm sorry, but she looks God awful as a brunette.

White Chicks

This isn't as bad as it looked, I was expecting a lot of crude bodily function humor, and oh wait a minute, that's what I got. But seriously, there are a few laugh out loud funny scenes. I won't say them, but one has something to do with a thousand miles. It's not the best Wayans brothers movie, but definitly not the worst (see Scary Movie 2). It's a fun popcorn flick to see with friends on a Thursday night when there's nothing better to do.

But if you do have something better to do, do that something better.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

The Terminal

Wow, this Spielberg film kinda came out of no where. It seems like he was just spending years working on AI and nothing else...now he's pumping shit out again. Only The Terminal isn't really shit...it's not a gem, it's kinda too cute, but there's some funny scenes. Nothing requiring the big screen.

I thought it was odd that Tom Hanks was playing a Russian character, and I kinda thought it would be hard to believe that he wasn't an American, but then again, this is Tom Hanks, he can do everything.

Plot wise, The Terminal is basically Cast Away set in an airport. I think that explains everything. It's cute, sometimes too cute, but the supporting cast, most notably the Indian janitor, are hilarious.