Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Damn mad cows!

How to tell if your cow has mad cow disease, it's very useful, you never want to eat a mad cow, despite that mad human disease is not related to eating a mad cow.

Oh yeah, it's drunk night!

Curb your Enthusiasm

I've been watching a lot of this HBO series lately. I just love Larry David's sense of humor. Watching him perform just goes to show how great Jason Alexander did on Seinfeld, as Larry David is the real life basis for George Costanza, if you didn't already know. Jason had Larry down to a T. Anyway, season 4 of Curb your Enthusiasm premier's on Sunday.

Sunday, December 28, 2003

Somwhere's There's a Joke

I'm bored so I'm going to create an original peice of comedy.

Ann Coulter...somewhere there's a table in need of a waitress...
Brian Dawkins (Eagles DB, who bodyslammed a redskin last night)...somewhere there's some cotton, in need of a pickin'...somewhere there's a bananna, in need of a peelin'...somewhere there's an ass, in need of a wipin.
King George W...somewhere there's a book, in need of a burnin...somewhere there's an election in need of a fixin....somewhere there's a compost pile, in need of a shiftin'...somewhere there's a redneck...that's all, somewhere there's a redneck.
Bill Clinton...somewhere there's an intern...okay this is too easy.
Wil Wheaton...somewhere there's a dead body, in need of a findin.
Kevin Cupp...somewhere there's a voicemail system, in need of a message. (inside joke, well not if you regularly read this website)...somewhere there's his blog, in need of a post.
Donovan McNabb...somewhere there's my fist, in need of a fight....somewhere there's a mad scientist, in need of somebody-to-experiement-on. (okay that was a stretch, but it would be cool)
Rush Limbaugh...somewhere there's pain, in need of being killed...somewhere there's a television, in need of somebody to go on and shout about stupid shit..(that didn't come out as beautifully as the others, but I liked it, and that's all that matters).
Osama Bin Laden & the Al Qaeda Street Band...somewhere there's a commerical airliner....in need of a....don't get ahead of me...bubble bath!!! hahaha you weren't expecting that!

Thank you folks, that's all the time I have, be sure to tip ann coulter your waitress...oh and remember to spay or neuter your limbaugh.

Friday, December 26, 2003

Favorite Movies

I want to take the lists off the sidebar, as they've been up forever and it's just boring now, but I don't want to lose the content, so I am making an entry about it...I will explain my lists too.

Thursday, December 25, 2003

Cold Mountain

I saw this movie today. If you haven't heard, it's up for 8 golden globe awards, and it deserves each one...well I haven't checked which categories it's nominated in, but Jude Law, Nicole Kidman, Renee Zellwegger, Ray Winstone, Brendan Gleesan, Phillip Seymour-Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Ethan Suplee, Jena Malone, god the cast is endless. They're all good. You gotta go see this. Then tell me if you also think Michael Sragow is an idiot. I think he is one. Michael Sragow must be a fucking pre-teen, he doesn't understand drama; if it's not action packed, he gets bored. What a retard.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Happy Fucking Holidays

Happy fucking holidays and I hate you. I hate your fucking guts. Go to hell. Go to hell for adding to the fucking traffic all around town. Go to hell for the long fucking lines in the stores. Go to hell, you fucking cuntrag. Yes, I am talking about you Santa. And don't give me this bullshit about you not existing, I know you exist. I saw you at the fucking mall, don't play games with me. You're a fucking fat fuck who discriminates by only giving presents to good little boys and girls, you worthless pile of filth. How dare you call me a bad boy, how dare you Santa! I'm not the child fucker that you are! Calling me a bad boy, what nerve. OH what was that last part? Don't you ever talk shit about my grandma like that, ya hear, punk? Yeah, keep eating cookies, go die of high blood pressure. Hey fatass, ever hear of the atkins diet? GO ON IT! Stupid fucking Santa. Yeah, you better run....oh btw, Rudolf and his gay ass red nose is a fag and a queer too. Call me redundant? Go suck prancer's testes.

Happy fucking holidays; now, eat my shit.

Stuck on You

I saw this last week, during my mandatory sabbatical from the Internet (while I waited for my new computer to arrive, old died)...it's one of the best Farrelly Bros movie ever...right up there with "There's Something About Mary". I like how their latest films have traded the pure gross aspects for the high morals aspects. Both "Stuck on you" and "Shallow Hal" actually have very good messages, and Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear have awesome chemistry. The only thing odd is that they are not the same age, but the movie has a pretty good explanation for this, which sorta works, well works enough for a comedy, that's all this is. Who cares if it makes sense, it's funny, and it has a good message.

Monday, December 22, 2003

Gollum Rap

If you haven't seen this gollum rap, prepare to laugh.

Heeeeeee's Baaaaaaaaccccck

viggo-mortensen-aragorn.jpg

Yes. It is truely a return of the King.

Now, who misbehaved?

More importantly, what have I missed?
hint hint, now is the time to tell bozzy what he missed.

update 7pm
So yeah, I have the G5 now, I snapped some pics...but let me get settled in with it, get my files back and stuff, then I'll post some...

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Saddam: Chooses the Blue Pill

6.saddam.jpg
Saddam captured in a 'rabbit hole', insisted on choosing the blue pill.

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- After eluding coalition forces for months and vowing never to be taken alive, a disheveled Saddam Hussein was found hiding in a hidden hole near a farmhouse and was captured without firing a shot, coalition authorities announced Sunday.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

End Prohibition Now

I am watching the best news/policitcal show. Jesse Ventura's America. He is the celebrity personification of myself. (if only you don't think I am a celebrity, but I know you all do, :P)

Here's a quote from Gov Ventura from the segment about marijuana:
"how many people do you know who smoke pot, then go home and beat their wife? how many people do you know who abuse alcolhol, then go home and beat their wife"

"I've done marijuana. There, I admit it. I've done all of the big three. I've done tobacco, marijuana, and alcolhol, and let me tell you, marijuana is the least of the three."


I could not agree more. Ventura is the man.

Dean has to pick him as a running mate. Screw Wesley Clark and his bars.

So, like I was saying...

VICTORY IS MINE!

Friday, December 12, 2003

New Mac

I just bought a new mac. A powermac. It was on apple.com, so I must wait. I hate waiting. Which is why I didn't wait a month til the MacWorld expo. So what if they could be releasing a Dual 2.6Ghz G5 then, I am happy with my newly acquired (well in 3-5 business days, plus how long it actually takes to get here) PowerMac G5 Dual 2Ghz. Oooh I will miss out on .6Ghz...okay that's 600Mhz, but if I did wait for the Dual 2.6Ghz, it would just mean I would be missing out on some future G5 or G6...that's the thing with technology, they always evolve and they evolve fast.

Specs will be posted later. If I have to wait, you have to wait. Muahahahhahaha.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Lionel Tate finally gets a new trial

WEST PALM BEACH, Florida (AP) -- A Florida appellate court ordered a new trial Wednesday for a teen-age boy who is serving a life sentence for killing a 6-year-old playmate when he was 12-years-old, raising questions about the Florida law that allows child murderers to be locked away with no hope of parole.


Tell me this...how is it that a 12 year old is mentally an adult when it's about murder, but a child when it's about sex? What is the point of even having the 'age of consent' law, if a preteen is deamed an adult? Isn't the kid accusing Michael Jackson of molestation (which he did not do, btw) 13? According to Florida, a 13 year old is an adult, so what is so wrong about having sex with one? I hate all these inconsistancies. Tastes like cardboard.

Tuesday, December 9, 2003

Family Guy quotes emporium

I just can't get enough of family guy...here's an example from the episode in which Chris gets a job as a paperboy and some old guy tries to get to lure Chris into his basement to...um....play chess? yeah, let's just say that. XD

Anyhoo, that guy just leaves a few messages on the Griffin's voicemail when Chris stops delivering the paper. the setup has completed...

Guess whooo... sorry to leave u so many messages... just lonely here thinking 'bout the mussley arm paper boy...wishing he'd come by and bring me some good news... oh you're starting to piss me off you little piggly son of a bitch... call me!


Okay now it's your turn, comment with your favorite quotes. If you don't, I shall kill you.

Thursday, December 4, 2003

Miserable Failure

Go to Google and enter in "miserable failure" and hit "I'm feeling lucky". Go on, do it. It's funny.

via hoopty

Wednesday, December 3, 2003

Bush: Saving Trees

By cutting them down and killing them!

More timber and brush can be cut and cleared with less environmental scrutiny under a "Healthy Forests" law President Bush (news - web sites) signed Wednesday. He said it will help protect communities from devastating wildfires. More...


Did I just read that right? Bush just said he's going to protect trees from burning by cutting them down and thus killing them. Wow. What a fucking redneck. No no wait, that's insulting to rednecks.

The difference between a democrat and a republican...

Democrat: shit, throw some of that water on em, jezzebel.
Republican: fuck it, cut em all down larry, they wont burn ever again. Now I'm going to go fuck my wife.
paid for by the republicans are bad people commission

Apple needs me

I just applied online at jobs.apple.com for a job at the Apple Store in Towson, MD. I would love to work there...it's only 40 minutes from here, plus I am probably going to be getting an apartment in Towson in the next 1-2 months, with some friends. Apple is the bestest company in the whole wide world of sports and I would love to work for them!

Monday, December 1, 2003

Cat in the Hat

With a whopping 2.8/10 on that other movie site, the one owned by that company named after a rain forest, "The Cat in the Hat" appears to be a bad movie. But that is not the case. Maybe this is just my inner child writing this, but I enjoyed it. A lot.

Mike Myers plays the infamous Cat, yes, the Cat who wears that infamous Hat. Alec Baldwin plays some guy named Quinn, who just can't seem to win...the heart of the Mom, played by Kelly Preston. But wait, there's more, Sean Hayes has two characters, the Mom's boss, and the children's Fish!

Speaking of those children, Dakota Fanning (Sally) and Spencer Breslin (Conrad), I saw Dakota on Leno recently and she was actively flirting with Hugh Grant! But was he flirting back? Yes! He was! Can we get a collective, YUCK?!?!?

Anyway, I enjoyed this movie, because it's got something for everybody. It's animated, so right away kids will see it, It's got some wit to it, so the parents don't have to sleep thru it, and there's even some adult product placements like a 6-pack of Miller Lite, for all those guys out there!

I have no idea why people have thoroughly bashed this movie, my only explanation is that there's some "dirty" dialogue; for example, when the Cat calls the garden hoe a dirty hoe. I thought that was cute, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.

I recommend this movie to everybody because it's funny and Mike Myers can't seem to lose, his facial mannerisms are just awesome.