Friday, November 28, 2003

Bad Santa

Warning, this is not a Christmas movie, and don't take somebody under 10 years old to see this. Don't be retarded.

"Bad Santa" is a heist movie, from the director of "Ghost World" and some not very good writers and the Coen Brothers, with a Christmas backdrop. Again, this ain't no "Jingle all the way" or "Elf". I think with a title with the word "Bad" in it, would make this fact obvious, but you never know these days.

Billy Bob Thornton and Tony Cox play a Santa and Elf con team. They've been working at Malls for the past seven years, and then robbing them blind every Christmas eve. They change cities and names each time. They haven't been caught. They are "in the zone", they are "at the top of their game", they are "I think you get the picture".

Other notable actors include the late John Ritter, and Bernie Mac. It's sad that this is the last role for John Ritter, because he and Bernie have some great chemistry and they're just hilarious together. Lauren Graham plays the Bad Santa's love interest, or fuck buddy, and Ajay Naidu plays, and I am not making this up, "Hindustani Troublemaker". Yes, this movie is full of DARK HUMOR.

I found myself laughing almost non-stop, and considering I had just eaten Thanksgiving dinner beforehand, well, it was painful. But it's the kind of pain you like, sorta. So if you do not like to laugh your ass off, then steer clear of this movie.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

'Happy' Thanksgiving.

Not like I'm trying to be scrooge, but have you seen Google's Thanksgiving logo? They have the turkey all happy and shit. That is such bullshit. Why the fuck is the turkey happy? It's the one being eaten!

Look, I'm not some PETA freak, in fact, I think we should all kill PETA freaks and cook their flesh, package it up, and send it to some starving tribe in Africa. But come on, what kind of sick fucks dress up their dinner and parade it around all the while forcing it to be happy? Just eat it, don't make it do stuff for you. Come on. It's a turkey folks, it's not happy, it's food. I just love it how Google and thousands of other entities focus on 'making the turkey happy', instead of the more--human--aspects: pilgrims and American Indians.

Have a happy thanksgiving, y'all.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Case of the Wednesdays

You know those days when nothing goes your way, or at least in your general vicinity? I am having one of those days. I could use hummer right about now, either definition would be fine. ;-)

Monday, November 24, 2003

Somewhere, there's a table...

Mann Coulter attacks Howard Dean's dead brother, way to show that compassion, Mann!

Read her article (I know, it's hard to stomach, pinch your nose), and see what that lady really is: just a blonde bimbo who has no business discussing politics.

Somewhere there's a table in need of a waitress...

Redskin Monikers

Oliver shares my pain that I suffered last night...uggggh one fucking point, anyhoo, oliver did a run down of all nicknames...


Daniel Snyder - The Danny, Mistah Snyder, Evil Genius
Norv Turner - A*hole, SOB, Dumbass, Norval
Joe Gibbs - Gibbsy, The Master, The Divine One
Doug Williams - FOUR TOUCHDOWNS. FOUR DAMN TOUCHDOWNS.
Art Monk - The Artful Monk, "He was robbed" (said every year when the idiot hall of fame doesn't let him in)
Charles Mann - Hungry Man!
Gus Ferrote - Gus Bus! (short-lived) Idiot Gus! Hammerhead!
Stephen Davis - "You can't stop #48. You can only hope to contain him." also, "SD"
Dan Wilkinson/Dana Stubblefield - "The Front" (this was after an idiotic poster I had, and very very very short lived)
Champ Bailey - Champion Bailey
Deion Sanders - "Jesus H, why is he on our team? Make it stop. For the love of God."
Brad Johnson - Bradley (for no reason). "BJ" when he started to... suck.
Patrick Ramsey - Ramzo, King Ramses
Tim Hasselbeck - Tim-ah! (a la South Park, this one was just intro'd yesterday)
Lavar Arrington - (guttural) LAH-Vaaaaaar!
Spurrier - Ballcoach Rules, "We're just gon' pitch it and we're gon' ketch it" (said with a southern accent)


My two most recent favorite idiotic things are the following:
Jeremiah Trotter - THEY CALL HIM JEREMIAH
Rock Cartwright - Gimme The Rock!


Enjoyed.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

Cleaned House

Literally and figuretively. Literally, I cleaned my house today, well it's not my house, but I helped clean it. Figuretively, I deleted like a dozen screennames I haven't chatted with in at least a month. Sorry, but being popular with me is a job. Shit, that line was in a movie preview I just saw before Gothica, what movie was it? Somebody tell me.

Gothica

Okay, here's the premise. You've got a female psychiatrist working in a woman's mental institution, who loses her memory and awakens as a patient. She has no idea why. She learns that she killed her husband, but she has no clue as to why she would do such a thing. She later learns that she is not alone.

Halle Berry stars as the said psychiatrist Miranda Grey, with Penelope Cruz playing her primary patient and later roommate, Chloe Salva. Then there's Robert Downey Jr who I hear took time off a rebab project to work on this very special film (sarcasm) in which he plays another pyschiatrist-- just a hunch, but I think we've got that type of character covered. Nope, I spoke too soon. There's Dr. Douglas Grey, who is a psychiatrist and also the previously said husband who gets axed. Okay, that's the last of the psychiatrist characters. The only other character worth a shoutout would be John Carroll Lynch's (who is known best as Drew Carey's gay-mimi-lovin bro on the Drew Carey show) Sheriff Ryan.

Have I said how Miranda is not alone? Well she isn't alone! She's not alone, man! She's being possesed by the ghost of a 12 year old girl, named Rachel! Holy hell, son of a monkey nut! That's scary! More sarcasm.

Actually, there are quite a few scary shots in this, which redeem the movie and make it worth spending $8.50 (or whatever you pay) on, but in terms of any other redeeming qualities...there aren't many. Penelope Cruz is WASTED, and I do not mean high like Robert Downey Jr! Her character is underused and pointless. We're led to believe that she's important to the story and she isn't.

The plot is decent, but only because of the semi-good twist towards the end, which I won't go into, because that totally make the movie useless to everybody. Yes, you should see this film. Wait until it's about to leave the theaters, which may be in 2 weeks, just so the room won't be so crowded. Go alone. Watch it alone. That coupled with a dark room will probably scare you. If it doesn't, then don't say I didn't warn ya.

Kevin called me last night

Yeah, he said he's ready to commit. Is this a good or a bad thing? Me personally don't think I am ready to commit to such a relatio-- okay fine, he was just saying hi.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Just to fucking (Hey, editor's can cuss too.) clarify, that above paragraph is a lame attempt by Bozzy at being funny.

See, I had gone down to the waterfront marriot in downtown Baltimore twice. Once friday at 3pm and once yesterday around 2:30pm. I stayed for about 30 to 45 minutes, but I never found him and since he doesn't have a fucking cell phone, I had no way of contacting him to let him know I was there.

So I drove home. While going 75mph I-95, my pocket rings. I was too busy driving to look, but when I did look, I didn't recognize the number so it had to be him. I tried calling that number, but no answer, so it was probably a pay phone. Still, a homeless guy could have just picked up to say "yo kevin not here".

I then just stayed home and did nothing and just watched my cell til it rung again. It didn't. (okay I did other stuff too) So at 10pm or so, I decided the day was over and there was no way I would be chillin with kevin, so I went to see Gothica. Ironicaly, he called around 11:03. 11:10. And 11:15. The last one was the funniest, OMG.

Anyway, here are his voice mails he left last night. (right click on the arrow or else you will get and error and I will laugh at you) No, he does not really sound like Alvin or any other chipmunk, that was the mp3 encoder. I know why it's doing that, I just don't know how to fix it.

And scroll down to the entry right below, I still can't believe that dude is dead!!! I had a perfect role for him!!!!!!

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Actor Jonathan Brandis Dies at 27

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Jonathan Brandis, who from an early age appeared in a string of roles on television, commercials and film, including the starring role in 1991's "The Neverending Story 2: The Next Chapter" and two seasons on Steven Spielberg's "SeaQuest DSV," has died. He was 27. More...


Oh. My. God.

BREAKING NEWS! 11/23/03 1:20pm He hung himself!

Police said a friend of Brandis' called 911 from the actor's apartment just before midnight on November 11 to report that Brandis had attempted suicide by hanging. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital but he died the next day. More...

Friday, November 21, 2003

Easier Said Than Done

Today was fun. Today was the day I would hang out with Kevin while he was in Baltimore for some school thing. Except I couldn't find the Waterfront Marriot hotel at first; where they were staying, but eventually I did, but then I had to track down kevin, and that proved to be easier said than done, hence the title.

I had no problem finding the inner harbor, I go down there all the time, however, I have never been to the hotel he was at, so I had directions from mapquest from the inner harbor to the hotel. I found the mariott, tried to find parking for god knows how long, walked around to see if I could find him, but I never did. I just decided to go back, maybe he'll call me (hint hint if you are reading this but you probably arent) and tell me where he's gonna be tomorrow.

On a funny note, while I never found Kevin, I did drive past one of the red light districts, it was around Baltimore St. I think. That's something Columbia should have, haha.

update 11/22/03 3:41pm I just got back from trying it again, but I still didn't see him...he's probably off doing one of the tourists things in baltimore, I bet. oh and right by the hotel, there's this construction sign or something that says "bozzuto", how sweet of them to think of me.

update 11/23/03 12:31am I just got back from seeing "Gothica", I was in the movies from 10:20 to about 12:10 or something, and somtime around 11 my leg started vibrating. I didn't look, but I knew who it was.

Yes, sure enough, it was Kevin. I just listened to three hilarious voice mails. I have to get them on my computer as an mp3 or something, you all HAVE to listen, it's the funniest shit ever. So anyway Kevin, sorry for not answering, but I was "indisposed" or whatever you want to call it, but I appreciate that you cared enough to give me vibrating pleasure. o_O

yet another update--just minutes after the last, you do the math
Why is he using a calling card? How the hell do I call him back? Kevin, you need a cell phone. I went down to the marriot twice, I would have found you if I could have called to tell you I was there. Anyway, glad to hear from you, and those messages are great. Roast beef.

Sigh, so tired, it's 2:14am Kevin hasn't called back...I think he's asleep...but I did encode his message as an mp3...I must say, the encoder did not do his voice justice (he doesn't always sound like a chipmunk). I am too tired to figure out what's wrong, so just enjoy Chipmunk Kevin. Right click on the download arrow thing or else you will get a not found error page and i will laugh at you.

Btw, Kevin, Gothica was fuckin scary. Call me again, just so my leg vibrates. *rawr* Yeah, that was dumb.

What do I do?

I have a friend who keeps going behind my back to borrow my $400 iPod, without asking me. 8 our 10 ten times she does not ask me, 2 out 10 times she leaves a note...which is also bad, a note does not stop the unasked deletion of my music. She already took my iPod the day my iMac got corrupted and she wiped out my entire digital music collection. She has a boyfriend, which isn't me, but should I assume that she wants to go with me? I mean, she's borrowing my shit without asking me, she must think we're in a relationship, right? Thank God she doesn't have a driver's license (she's 18), because at least I don't have to worry about her taking my car.

Or am I wrong? Is it okay to borrow somebody's expensive stuff without asking? Keep in mind an iPod is used as a backup for all your mp3's. Kinda hard to do that when somebody else keeps erasing it.

Next time I see her, I'm going to ask, "When are we going to have sex?", then watch in awe as she is offended.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

The Justice System in this Country is in SHAMBLES.

A spokesman for the Santa Barbara County sheriff's department, Chris Pappas, said Jackson now faces a Jan. 9, 2004, arraignment date in Santa Barbara Superior Court to answer formal charges in the case. Officials said he will be charged with "multiple counts" of felony child molestation, reportedly for incidents at his Neverland Ranch involving a 12-year-old boy. Read more...


This is nothing but another extortion attempt on Michael Jackson. There has never been one shred of evidence that he has harmed a child, only hearsay, but you need hearsay if you and your child are going to falsely accuse a billionaire just to settle out of court. It is disgusting.

Michael Jackson EARNED all of his money thru his own hard work. It is disgusting how people constantly try to extort money out of him just because they are too LAZY to earn money the honest way.

Michael settled out of court a decade ago, to avoid further embarrassment, but I will guarantee you that he will not settle this time. He is more than just annoyed that people still try to extort money out of him. He will not settle. He knows he was wrong in giving into the extortion attempt the last time, and he won't make that mistake again.

He added, "Michael is in very strong spirits because he is innocent." He asserted that "my brother is not eccentric" and vowed that "we will fight" the child molestation charges.


You cannot win a trial on HEARSAY, especially when it's the ONLY form of evidence.

Jesus fucking christ, we go after Jackson on heresay and OJ Simpson gets away scottfree when there's a pile of real evidence pointing right at him.

When will people get it thru their heads that there is a difference between love and sex. You know, I love my dog, but that doesn't mean I believe in beastiality. Loving a child that is not yours does not make you a pedophile, sexually abusing them does. Michael Jackson has never sexually abused a child.

Sweeeeeeeet.

The third system ever to exceed the 10 TFflop/s mark is Virgina Tech's X Cluster Institute measured at 10.28 TFlop/s. This cluster is built with the Apple G5 as building blocks. It uses a Mellanox network based on the new Infinband technology as interconnect. Read on...


This is why I need to get me a G5.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Matrix: Revolutions

My God, I'm Surrounded by Retards.

I just got back seeing The Matrix: Revolutions, yes, for the first time. I chose to wait a couple weeks to let the hype and the stupid little poser punks die down. I have no idea what people thought was wrong with this movie. It is, quite simply, the best of the series. The only explanation I can partake is that these little poser kids are too attached to the glitz and glamour of the matrix. And that isn't capitalized, because I do not mean the actual movie. They don't seem to grasp that the matrix is not real, that Zion (or where it was) was what this story is about. Perhaps if Neo and crew hadn't spent so much time in the matrix, giving power to Smith, they could have actually stood more of a chance against the machines.

Now that I've got that off my chest, let me tell you that the effects and martial arts in Revolutions out-do the previous two films. Not only that, but the third installment, made the second one better. I had no idea where the Watchowski brothers were going after I saw the second one, but now I do. The whole series has meaning.

Sigh. I am still ranting. Who cares, all you motherfuckers who hate this movie are fucking retarded--

I have heard some people say that the beginning is too long, that it could have been done in 10 minutes. Jesus-fucking-nailed-to-a-cross-Christ, do you not understand how plots are supposed to build? All that you little poser punks want is to see non-stop action. The battles at the end are so great because the movie LED up to them. Is this a foreign concept? It shouldn't be.

Hugo Weaving deserves some kind of award, he is just awesome. My god, the way he talked during the battle with Neo, just brilliant.

Man, I cannot wait for the DVD.

They're Everywhere!!!!1

I'm a paranoid schizophrenic
with surround sound speakers

they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!

I hooked my cell phone
to a megaphone
to my headphone
and I'm still alone

they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!

and I'd like to talk to you right now
but it's me on the other line
I'll call you back
when the weather man
on the news gives me the sign
and I know you think
they're all out to get you
but they're really out to get me
can't you see

they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!

Saturday, November 15, 2003

I love Apple.

I just started a 60-day trial of .mac. I never thought it was worth it, but the backup and sync utilities it provides (not to mention a kickass email domain, ^_^) is obviously something that may be useful to me, lol. I am pretty sure in the next week or two I will become a full member, and I may also buy the biggest iDisk, so I can keep my whole Home directory backed up.

Oh and I gave Ryan a referral credit, he'll get 20% off his annual bill. Now, who wants to do that to me? :D

Thursday, November 13, 2003

I'm gonna get Mr. Wizard on ya asses

For some reason, my friend and I were talking about trenches last night...so, here's some stats:
What is the deepest area on Earth? This trench is 1,554 miles long and 44 miles wide. Near its southwestern extremity, 210 miles southwest of Guam, lies the deepest point on Earth. This point ó referred to as the Challenger Deep ó plunges to a depth of nearly 7 miles. In 1960, the Trieste, a manned submersible owned by the U.S. Navy, descended to the bottom of the Mariana Trench. There, the pressure from the weight of the vast ocean above is tremendous. At more than 8 tons per square inch, itís the equivalent of an average-sized woman trying to hold 48 jumbo jets!


Wow. 48 Jumbo Jets. Here is another read on "Challenger Deep".

Ya know, they can make a seaship that can transmit data from the bottom of the Mariana Trench, but they can't make my cell phone work in the mall.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Bush's campaign takes a major blow!

Pfizer Donating 135 Million Doses of Anti-Blindness Drug

Great, if they're not blind, how will he-- okay, joke's run it's course.

Elf

I saw this yesterday, despite that I'm not a real big fan of Will Ferrel. I did like his Bush impersonation, but his only other role I loved was the Federal Wildlife Ranger in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back...I will add Elf to that list. He is so funny in it and really get's into the character.

I was also VERY surprised and delighted when, about halfway thru, Andy Richter (Late Nite) and Kyle Gass (Tenacious D) appeared. They have just about as much chemistry as Kyle Gass has with Jack Black. But when I got home, I checked IMDb, and neither of them were listed for this film, but I just checked again, and THEY ARE!

Also, Zooey Deschanel is fucking hot. I need to find a pic and put her in the rotating babes on my title graphic. hehehehehe

This was a good christmas film, with a rudolph theme going. Ed Asner is great as Santa and Bob Newhart is just hilarious as the narrator/papa elf.

I did have a slight problem with this tho...SPOILER

Monday, November 10, 2003

What is an African-American?

Read this Carlin excerpt about politically correct language, and then tell me why we use the term 'African-American'. Is it because they have dual citizenship in the USA and Africa? Silly me, I was unaware one could hold citizenship to a continent. Where in Africa do they have citizenship, and furthermore where in America? North, South, or Central? Inquiring minds want to know.

So, what are we supposed to call them? People of color? Coloured people? Negros? Black? What about just a person? I will use it in a sentence, Hey, look at that person over there. It all seems rather silly. I would love to hear a linguist's explantion about this.

Not trying to come off racist, I'm not one, but I have always just used 'Black' or 'White', or sometimes even more descriptive terms as 'Brown' or 'Tan'. It's at least accurate.

African American implies that the person you call that is African and American as if all black people are African and currently reside in America. Way to stereotype, jackass.

Me? I'm a white guy, but I think George Carlin has a point, so from now on, I will refer to myself as a pinkie. Because, unless you're Lucy (Peanuts), you are not white.

Sunday, November 9, 2003

Pop Quiz

Okay, you're in a football game and you're on offense on your own 20 yard line, with the score tied at 20, with about 5 minutes in the game. What do you do? Do you punt? Do you go for it? If your name is Steve Spurrier, you go for it. Besides, it's 4th and inches, did I mention that? All you have to do is get back to the line of scrimmage and you've got the first down.

That's what happened. The Redskins did that and went all the way down to the Seahawks 20 yard line, Ramsey thru a screen to Gardner, but waitaminute sonnyboy, suddenly the ball's being caught in the endzone by Trung Canidate. Yes, that's a TD pass by WR Rod Gardner. Yeah, that came straight up I-95 from Gainesville, FL.

If you are thick headed and stupid, and didn't follow a word of that, just peruse the boxscore, of the game that snapped the 4 game losing streak of the Redskins. Boy, am I relieved, I was running out of ways to blog, "we suck".

Saturday, November 8, 2003

The Sponge Effect

I have noticed that whenever I go to the movies and just order a coke (usually a medium cherry), I always have to piss really bad, but when I order popcorn in addition, I never have the urge to pee in the middle of the movie. The only explanation I can fathom is that the popcorn acts as sponge, hence why I just coined the term, the sponge effect. No, I was not inspired by the butterfly effect. Okay, yes it was.

Alien - The Director's Cut

Hey people, I just got back from the movies, and if you read the title of this post, then you know what I saw. Now, I must apologize, I never saw this movie (I did however see Alien 3 and 4, but who cares) when it first came out, but I think I've got a good excuse-- I wasn't born. It was nice to finally get the full effect of this movie on the big screen, but I was never scared, as despite the size of the screen, I still had seen it before and knew who was and when they were going to die.

I saw the previews for Alien V. Predator, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, and the Butterfly Effect, I have to see those last two. I'll see them all, but those last two just look awesome.

So if you're like me, and weren't born when Alien was originially released, go see it now. There's nothing like seeing a young Sigourney Weaver half naked on the big screen.

Friday, November 7, 2003

Well, when in Rome...

Fuck that, I don't like the direction that cliche is taking the post, if you can't beat em, join em fits much better.

Go Orioles.

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

More Americans do not want Bush again

The survey by Marist College's Institute for Public Opinion found that 44 percent of the voters questioned said they planned to definitely vote against the Republican president while 38 percent said they would support his re-election. continue reading...


Now, my math is rusty but I do believe that 44% is a higher number of voters than 38%.

Monday, November 3, 2003

Get this to the President

Somebody with connections pass this webeo to the President, I think it's dumbed down enough for him to understand it. Who knows, maybe they need to remake it with Pauly Shore as the V.O. or something.

Thanks to Kevin for the link.

Tomacco is a real thing now!

Life does indeed imitate art and crossed a Tobacco plant with a Tomato plant.

"Daddy, this tomato tastes like Grandma."

Say whaaaaaaa, Rosie?

Rosie O'Donnell has some serious issues about her sexuality. If she's proud enough to publicly say she's a lesbian, why the hell is she uncomforable about a picture of her hugging another woman?

"She said, 'As a lesbian, I'm uncomfortable being on a magazine cover holding another woman or touching another woman,'" Toepfer testified. "I said, 'You know Rosie, that would never have occurred to me in a thousand years.'"


Makes no sense to me.

Saturday, November 1, 2003

Halloween was eventful

Started out with the usual annoying kids ringing the goddamn bell. For the love of God, Allah, Buddha, and any other deity, WE ARE RIGHT BY THE DOOR, JUST KNOCK!!! It's not like the house is huge, please don't ring the bell on Halloween! Any other day it's fine to ring it, but on Halloween, hearing the damn bell every 4 minutes or so gets annoying very fast.

Then this 13 year old but looks 10 kid comes to the door asking for candy and he doesn't even have a costume! He said his dad didn't let him trick or treat this year, or something, I didn't buy it, but watching him beg was very amusing, so afterawhile, I gave the poor boy one threemusketeer's bar. Don't worry, just a fun size one.

That pissed me off so I drove down to MoCo (Montgomery County, MD for you out of state lamewads) to pick up a friend, then came back to HoCo (can you guess?) to wait for other friends to show up, then we went looking for spirits. Sounds corny, but it was cool.