Thursday, May 29, 2003

Toilet Paper = Tissue Paper?

Question:
If you had run out of tissue "kleenex" paper to blow your nose with, is it disgusting to use toilet paper instead? Yes, clean toilet paper, sicko.

Furthermore, if you run out of toilet paper, is it okay to use "kleenex" to wipe your ass with? I've heard of people saying that latter is disgusting, but nothing like that about the former.

I could care less, it's all the same, but what do you think?

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

most randomly funny movie ever...

...is
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
, seriously, I recommend it, Terry Gilliam is the best. If you liked Monty Python and 12 Monkeys, see this. Hunter S. Thompson is one strange individual, but in a cool way.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Why do women have so many clothes?

You know you have too many clothes when your fucking clothing rod collapses due to the excess of clothes on it. I just had to come to the aid of mother who was screaming that her clothing rack fell apart...well I've got an idea, why don't you make a little trip to goodwill!

Why in the flying fuck do women need so many god damn clothes! They complain about not having money to buy other things yet they buy enough clothes to fit the entire Russian army. Seriously, it is ridiculous, and needs to stop.

To all the women out there, I have 3 pairs of jeans about 6 shirts that I wear pretty much year round. And you know what, I like it like that. Who the fuck cares about style or shit, as long as the clothes are in good condition, I'm not buying new ones! Jesus fucking christ, show some fucking restraint girls!

There would be no war if women didn't have so many clothes.

Monday, May 26, 2003

strange world

it's a strange world...

the best rapper is white
the best golfer is black
the french are calling us arrogant
germany doesn't want war
the cubbies are in first place

yeah, hell froze i think.

I just heard jimmy buffett say that on leno, but i heard it before...but i never thought to immortalize it on my own blog...well now i did.

question for you...

Is it disgusting to eat a bagel then lick the left over cream cheese off of the paper plate the bagel was on? I mean, to pick up the plate and really lick it. Disgusting? I don't care. Cream cheese is good.

Saturday, May 24, 2003

Risque Attire

While I was in line to get popcorn at the movies today I couldn't help but notice this hot ass girl who had the lowest of the lowest jeans on...I mean, I wasn't sure whether I was staring at her tummy or her thigh. Zing!

Bruce Almighty

This is one of Jim Carrey's best movies ever! Well nothing can compete with Ace Ventura, but this one is definitly his second funniest ever! I'm gay (as-in-happy-duh) that he's gettin back to these kind of movies...sorry, I never saw "The Majestic", heard it was great, but I mean, that's what we've got Harrison Ford for, we need Jim Carrey to be funny! You will laugh at (and with) Bruce Almighty, and if you don't, then you're dead inside, and I don't see dead people. Seriously now, this movie is riot, a little philosophical, but nothing like The Matrix (not saying that's a good or bad thing), so just go see it, unless you're an easily offended religious person, or is that easily religious offended person?

And oh yeah, saw the preview for "Dumb & Dumberer", it stinks. But I'll see it anyway. I love my Carrey. Gotta get my side split open every now and then, you know the drill.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

penii

dear bozzy,

what does penis mean?

bobby


Dear Bobby,

pe∑nis ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pns)
n. pl. pe∑nis∑es or pe∑nes (-nz)

1. The male organ of copulation in higher vertebrates, homologous with the clitoris. In mammals, it also serves as the male organ of urinary excretion.
2. Any of various copulatory organs in males of lower animals.


As you can see, I highlighted an important of that definition. Why is it important you ask? Because it proves that men are multi-tasking in nature and superior to women...bwhahahahahahahahaha

stay in school,

Bozzy

Got a question for bozzy? email him

You might be a redneck if...

Just thought I would share my favorite redneck jokes...

...your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
...on thanksgiving day you decide which pet to eat.
...youíve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.
...you canít visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.
...you know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.
...you grill spam.
...youíve ever stolen toilet paper.
...your kids trip over the Christmas lights while hunting for Easter eggs.
...you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
...you've ever killed a deer, period.
...youíve ever hollered, "You kids quit playin' on that sheet metal."
...your favorite mixed drink includes Yoo-Hoo.
...your screen door has no screen.
...you own half a pickup truck.
...your wife has a set of earrings that you use as a fishing lure.
...you ever say "oh yeah I can fix it".
...you're naked on laundry day.

No, I didn't make those up, those are my favorites...either hearing them or reading them somewhere on the net.

Got one to share?

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

D'oh!

I finally figured out how to have the random title images without the blank space underneath them!!! See, I was using div tags, when I should have been using span tags...I am so fucking stupid. I also fixed the glitch with the two vertical blue lines...all I had to do was move the div="middle" tag up above the span tag that contains the images...unfuckinbelievable...why didn't this come to me sooner?

is it safe?

it's 3:20pm... do you know where your monkey is?

Saturday, May 17, 2003

No more monthlies

That's right, I disabled the monthly archives as they were kinda pointless...categories are much easier to go thru. I only need those and the individuals, so just don't come to me screaming, "the monthlies are gone, THE MONTHLIES ARE GONE!" I won't reply to your email, I won't respond to IM, and I will delete any voice mail without returning it. Ha!

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iCock and iPlug not sold in stores or any known website, iCock comes with no warranty, the following people should not use iCock: children, elderly, pregnant, teenagers, white males 20-25, any fuzzy creature, and old cat ladies. If you come into contact with the iCock contact applecare immediately and seek refuge in your bomb shelter.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

The Matrix Reloaded

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. That movie was so not what I was expecting it to be...the Wachoski bros are very excellent writers (said like keanu's character in bill & ted...which one was he in that? lol) and their movie has everything: sex, violence, and extreme superman-esque flying...oh yeah, and one last thing: lane splitting.

That is all I can write right now, it was a lot to digest at once...I totally feel like Morpheous did at the end...all I will say...g'nite

Shaaaa-wing

Guess who just bought tickets to the matrix reloaded....ME!!!! It's a 9:45 show. This is the first time I have ever purchased tickets online, but I had to, I don't want it to sell out while I am looking for a place to park! LOL that has happened to me before. Not fun.

But I am seeing it!!! SO FUN FUN!!!!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Jim Rome is a moron.

I saw part of his show last night, and at the end he started going off on skaters. No, I don't skate, and I don't smoke the wacky weed, but for him to say that all skater's live in their parent's basement and play video games all day is simply wrong. Here's a hint, Jim: Never use the words 'all' or 'never' or 'none' in a generalized statement. It will always be false and you will always come off looking like an uneducated, elitist ass...unless of course that is your intention. And to say that all skater's know no stress is also WRONG.

multivitamins

I wish they made those flintstones multivitamins chewables for adults. I loved those. They were my crack. That is all.

Monday, May 12, 2003

Car Saves Truck

Around 8 my brother's friend came over and said his truck was stuck in the mud up at the ol' farm (not his nor ours, just some land that is no longer farmed, and thus is used for paintball), so we grabbed a shovel, some nylon rope, and went over. when we got there, my car almost got stuck, it is really muddy there, (it's been pouring a lot lately) but that wasn't much of a problem. We hooked up the nylon rope to our cars, he went in reverse, and I floored it in drive. It took less than a minute to get the truck unstuck.

The bitch was gettin the nylon rope off...as neither of us had the foresight to bring a sharp thing such as a knife...but he used a crowbar to free his truck of the rope and I used the shovel.

That was the cherry on top to a big day. I was at school from 9am to 6pm (with a brief lunch break) workin on the thing i was storyboarding last night....I wasn't the shooter, I was the gaffer, the electrician/lighting guy. I was also the boom mic operator towards the end. Fun fun.

ta ta

Sunday, May 11, 2003

A Mighty Wind

This is a pretty weird movie, and it's not as funny as "Best in Show" was. There are some real hilarious scenes, but only like 3 or 4, the rest is just too-detailed characters talking...and Eugene Levy, who kicks ass in everything he does, was ANNOYING! His constipated-sounding character was like nails on the blackboard to me. But, these movies (Best in Show and Waiting for Guffman included) are just fun to watch...they're mock-umentaries. I loved the jokes involving the set production, I was cracking up. It was also nice to see Harry Shearer in the flesh, but I swear, sometimes Homer and Rev. Lovejoy popped in! If you enjoyed any of the following movies, then you should see A Mighty Wind: The Princess Bride, This is Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, and Best in Show, otherwise, you probably won't like it.

Saturday, May 10, 2003

another weird dream: frozen zooky

I had a dream about zooky...no no, nothing like that...but I don't remember much...or maybe I'm only remembering what I am supposed to remember...lmao...anyhoo, zooky was over at my house....he kept gettin in political arguements with my mother and pissing her off because of it...which is very funny, since in real life, they're both liberals, but in the dream, my mother wasn't.

Also in the dream I remember getting up to go school, then I'm in the car driving to school, when I realize it's only 4am! So I go home and chill, but then somehow forget to go to school...then zooky get's in another fight with my mom and just disappears...i mean, capooof, gone. Then I was like "omg what happened to him!" Then I was driving again...I think I was going to school...I don't remember much else, except later I found zooky, frozen in a freezer in halle berry's garage, hans solo style. When I opened the freezer thing, Halle Berry came running out screaming something at me like an old cat lady...I don't know what that was about.

That's all I remember...hope you got more out of it then I did. haha

A mighty wind

This is where I would review A mighty wind, but I can't because the only theater in howard county, maryland put it on the smallest screen, and thus, it sold out hella fast. Some stupid movie named "x men" is on like 8 or 9 screens, what a waste! If you're gonna put a movie on that many screens, at least pick a good movie!

Thursday, May 8, 2003

Ashcroft Funny

Attorney General Ashcroft is visiting an elementary school. After the
typical civics presentation to the class, he announces, "Alright, boys and
girls, you can all ask me questions now."

A young boy named Bobby raises his hand and says, "I have three questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civil
liberties?
3. Why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?"

Just then the bell sounds and all the kids run out to the playground.
Fifteen minutes later, the kids come back in class and again. Ashcroft
says, "I'm sorry we were interrupted by the bell. Now, you can all ask me
questions."

A young girl named Charlene raises her hand and says, "I have five
questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civil
liberties?
3. Why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?
4. Why did the bell go off 20 minutes early?
5. Where's Bobby?"

No, I did not write this. But I could have. I could have!!!

Monday, May 5, 2003

Rolling Rock

I am sitting here drinkin a rolling rock on cinco de mayo. What is with me? I should be drinking a corona! I can't help it, the rock just tastes good.

blogiversary

Today is my blogiversary! I can't elaborate and have no time so I will just go. More to follow tonight.

update 7:43pm

yup yup, I've been blogging for a whole year...well almost....I sorta got swept into blogging, maybe more like falling into it...I started my website (and I got an entry about this in detail) on Geoshities in feb02, just as a bigger yahoo profile, and that moved to tripod, just so I could ftp. god, yahoo geoshities won't even let you ftp, it's ridicolous. Sometime in mid may, after I had been manually putting up news on my tripod site, I met zoe, she was on angelfire, tripod's coked out sister, hehe. ;-) Shit, that last sentence just died...I am so tired today...anyhoo, I met her, then found wil and later roger, which then led me to blogger, so after some holes in the wall trying to set up that to work on my site, I eventually got my tripod site blogger-ized. But I don't think I really ever considered myself a blogger per se, until I met kevin who introduced me to this hot chick named movable type and even let us shack up in his barn til I got my own home on the net. It was love at first sight (or is that site?) with movable type. She's so spunky, I just want to.... do something... God, I cannot write right now, why do I have to be so tired on cinco de mayo and my blogiversary? Ugggggh. Anyways, thanks to all, my agent (me), my publicist (me), and most of all, my god (me).

shit, he's still talking...

Sunday, May 4, 2003

Tim Robbins is the man

"A relative tells me that a history teacher tells his 11-year-old son, my nephew, that Susan Sarandon is endangering the troops by her opposition to the war. Another teacher in a different school asks our niece if we were coming to the school play. "They're not welcome here," said the molder of young minds."


and he goes on...

"These are challenging times. There is a wave of hate that seeks to divide us, right and left, pro-war and anti-war. In the name of my 11-year-old nephew and all the other unreported victims of this hostile and unproductive environment of fear, let us try to find our common ground. Let us celebrate this grand and glorious experiment that has survived for 227 years. To do so we must honor and fight vigilantly for the things that unite us. Like freedom, the first amendment and, yes, baseball."


He is a true American hero.

click here for the full speech

Inbox of Love

I am sitting here, bored, so I think I will blog...but what shall I blog? I have had such a blogger's block lately...hmm let's open the ol' inbox and check for mail...

Some great guy named Ott send me a notice that interest rates are climbing, but Ornetta was kind enough to send me pics of her pubic region, I think she wants to go further, I will keep you in the know!!!

In between coffee trips and bathroom bathroom breaks I got another email from Droavia, I had no idea of the magnitude of email addresses on the internet! 15.6 million to be exact! Opt-in too! Plus 2 grand worth of FREE EMAIL MARKETING SOFTWARE! YES!!

No more new messages in the inbox of love.