Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Sweet Sassy Molassy!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level | Score
Purgatory | Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo | Moderate
Level 2 | High
Level 3 | Low
Level 4 | High
Level 5 | Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis | Very High
Level 7 | Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge | High
Level 9 - Cocytus | Low

Level descriptions: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html
Take the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.html

Under a rock?

Am I the only person who has yet to even watch American Idol? It seems that every blog I read always has something about American Idol...so I just have to ask. God, that show is so stupid. Why would I want to listen to a bunch of untalented assclowns raping great songs? That show sucks. I'm not spending my free time glued to those untalented ass clowns. Maybe the person who wins at the end is semi-talented, but that's it. The show is garbage.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

reminder

please remind me never to drink milk when i already have gas. what was i thinking?

superVISION!

Can a New Eye-Mapping Technology Reduce Bad Outcomes?

The technique, called wavefront-guided Lasik, is designed to reduce the occurrence of the most common side effects of surgery performed primarily to correct nearsightedness: blurred vision, sensitivity to bright light and difficulty seeing at night. The new technology also has enabled some patients to attain so-called "eagle vision" or "super vision": the ability to see better than 20/20 without glasses.


What's that up there, mommy? It's a bird, no a plane, no! It's someone's eye ball! With suuuuper vision!

You're a super eye. I so lonely. hehe, fargo.

Sunday, April 27, 2003

Confidence

Ah, touche. Just the other day I loathed about "Identity" because of it's plot twists and how they cheated me, well, "Confidence" had them too, but I'm not gonna loath about them. Why is that, you ask? Because director James Foley did it the right way! He starts with the protaganist letting us in on things (something we never got in "Identity"), so we have a reason to trust him, and then by the end, we realize that things may not have been as they seemed to be. This movie is well acted, well shot, extremely well lit (don't confuse several dark scenes for being poorly lit), and told almost perfectly. Edward Burn's line in the opening shot, when asked if his life is flashing before him, is "No, just the past 3 weeks." Which the guy with the gun says, "That's a perfect time to start", and so it begins. I was overjoyed. I love the subtle roles of Dustin Hoffman and Andy Garcia, two big name actors in small, but memorable roles, which are enough to see this movie even IF it sucked. Which it doesn't. Expect a re-release in November for the ADD (I mean ADHD) Academy members.

Identity

Sigh, another movie in which John Cusack gets rained on...okay, that's not so bad, and the gorgeous Amanda Peet isn't either, but I left this movie feeling cheated. If I had a short-term memory problem, I may have liked this, but I don't, and the plot changes so much, it totally makes the early part of the movie... stupid. I don't want to spoil anything, but I just felt cheated.

Spoilers below...

Saturday, April 26, 2003

Proverbs are fun

thanks tasha!

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Friday, April 25, 2003

Hot Topic

Imagine this...

Guy Billiards (bad name, just play along) has a proposition for you. He has one million dollars in secured, unmarked 10s and 20s, and he wants to give it to you. But there's a catch. You have to eat a pile of dog shit.

Do you send Guy Billiards packing or accept the offer and eat shit for the million?

You decide.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Still no cure for SARS

Ancient Village Located in Illinois
DAMIANSVILLE, Ill. - Digging crews have found hundreds of 1,200-year-old stone arrowheads and pottery fragments buried under an Illinois hillside.

The discovery near this village about 35 miles east of St. Louis represents an important archaeological find, said Brad Koldehoff, a state archaeologist.

"It's a significant site. They discovered a keyhole-shaped house and what appears to be a small village," he said.


Koldehoff later went on to say that the words "stupid fucking bozzy!" were tatooed all over the Illinois house.

via rich

Saturday, April 19, 2003

Holes

I went into this movie not knowing much about it. I knew it was based on a book, a book that I have never heard of, yet alone read. So, I watched it like it was an original movie...and guess what? It's pretty damn original. In fact, there aren't many bad things I can say about it.

Friday, April 18, 2003

Deceptive media

This morning I heard on the news that "Saddam was shot on april 9th". I swear to god, they not only said that exact sentence but it was an overlay as well. That's a little deceptive and desperate for ratings, doncha think? Now all the news stories are "Saddam tape was shot on april 9th" or something to that effect. It's just funny, you'd think professional journalists would catch that before it got on the air...guess not.

Interesting...not

I was cleaning my keyboard today and how the hell did I get pubes in it? Okay, I have a pretty good guess, but it doesn't make sense. I don't put the keyboard on my cock or something...wtf, am I giving out tmi? fuck you, I'm confused. Pubes shouldn't be under the keys!

Top Movies of 2002 - Re-Visited

Well, I'm pretty much done with this list...it's been on my site for awhile now, and that list is pretty official itself, but I am such a perfectionist I had to keep thinking about it....it hasn't changed in a week or so, and probably will not anymore, as we are pretty far along into 2003, so here it is:

1.
Road to Perdition
(Best oscar for Photography)
2.
Catch Me If You Can
(Best Oscar for Walken...err something like that)
3.
The Rules of Attraction
(Not even nominated....errggh)
4.
Bowling For Columbine
(I think we ALL remember this winning, hehe)
5.
Igby Goes Down
(Not even nominated...ugggh)
6.
Frailty
(Was this nominated or not? I don't remember it winning, prolly didn't, shucks)
7.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
(Won something, but about to be destroyed as a sitcom)
8.
We Were Soldiers
(Released too early for the ADD Academy voters
9.
Gangs Of New York
(Nominated for: 11; Won: 0; WTF!!!)
10.
The Ring

(Whether or not this won, it should have.)

I had to move Igby Goes Down into the big ten, HAD TO. That movie is fucking awesome. It get's better every time I watch it! Also, I moved We Were Soldiers down because it couldn't be ahead of Greek Wedding, no way.

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Fantasy Hump List

This outta help out the picture contest...

20. Lacey Chabert
19. Natasha Henstridge
18. Christina Ricci
17. Halle Berry
16. Neve Campbell
15. Penelope Cruz
14. Milla Jovovich
13. Ali Larter
12. Anna Paquin
11. Jessica Simpson
10. Jessica Rabbit
9. Fairuza Balk
8. Jessica Alba
7. Liv Tyler
6. Marisa Tomei
5. Sarah Silverman
4. Kirsten Dunst
3. Eliza Dushku
2. Maggie Gyllenhaal
1. Avril Lavigne

Okay, so I did 20 not ten, it's hard to pick just ten.

Ninentdo: the movie

You absolutely have to watch this: http://www.thelonelyisland.com/nintendo.mov

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

One of my pet peeves

Someone I know does not know the difference between the words "Always", "Just", and "Only". Example:

"why, only you can talk about her?"

Does that sentence say that the person ALWAYS or JUST talks about "her"?

No, it simply says that somebody has a hissy fit whenever someone else talks about "her".

Get a dictionary! Take an English class! Please people!

Sunday, April 13, 2003

Way to go New York!

NY makes cell phone use illegal in movies. Maybe Maryland will follow, it's so annoying. THIS IS 2003, BITCH! SET IT TO VIBRATE! (Or just turn it the fuck off) Now, if they'll just ban talking, kicking the person in front of you, and using up 3 seats just because you and your homey can't sit right next to each other, going to the movies will be a guaranteed enjoyment. oh well, there's always verbal abuse, haha.

Speaking of cell phone use, awhile back at the movies there was a good pre-ads ad...we've had this 20wenty (yeah I know, the name sucks) replace the slides in the theater, it's pretty cool, much more entertaining than slides...anyhoo, there's this one ad where a guy's cellphone goes off (why a guy? most of the time it's the ladies...sorry but it's true, hehe) and his seat ejects and throws him at the screen. I just about needed stitches I was laughing so hard.

Taxcuts help fund war?

Somebody explain this bush-ism please. How can any intelligent human being who, at the same time, realizes that this war will cost at least 70 billion dollars, and then turn around and lecture everybody about a taxcut? And not one taxcut, but several. Where is the logic, Bush? Where is the logic? Furthermore, how do taxcuts "stimulate" the economy? How exactly does this work? Having a hard time answering those illogical questions?

Bush is on the same level as Saddam. Both want to control the world. Both kill their people (and I am NOT talking about war casualities). It just makes me sick how people can sit back and swallow his fucking lies and then have the nerve to lecture me.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Guess who's back to the world of blogging? You have to guess. Haha, wrong. It's Marshall, the enraged squirrel.

sigh, how could somebody confuse Marshall with Big Bird...shame shame...

Saturday, April 12, 2003

Where's the WMd???

Oh no, Bush's little crusade to remove the WMd from Iraq is failing...where are the weapons of MASS DESTRUCTION? Ah, could it be, Iraq hasn't had any since the last gulf war...or at least the last bombing by the US? Nah, that's silly! Don't be silly, me! Bush might as well just launch another pre-emptive strike, this time against Syria! We're becoming the next Alexander the Great...ah I can see it now, Bush wept for he had no more worlds to accuse of possessing WMds to conquer.. Yeah, that's the American spirit! American's love killing innocent people! Go USA! KILL SYRIA!!!

Better go plan Operation Bush Removal...

Anger Management

Whoa, Nellie! There's more plot surprises in this than an M. Night Shamalamadingdong film, which would be fine if it was, but this is an Adam Sandler film! Adam Sandler films aren't supposed to have a big plot, damnit! That's not right! What is right is the chemistry between all the actors, Adam, Jack, Luis Guzman, John Turturro, and a few cameos!

Question of the day

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Friday, April 11, 2003

Kurdistan? What's the problem?

Can somebody please explain to me as why the Kurds cannot have their own country? Doesn't Iraq have enough oil? Why does this idea bother Turkey so much? Somebody clarify. The media has yet to address these questions.

The stank will be gone!

Houston, we have liftoff new washer and dryer! Yeah, my parents took advantage of them having money and also replaced the washer, since it was old and the lid didn't work right...so I can start washing my clothes again...once I figure out how this damn thingamebob works...the knee bone connects to the wha?

Wednesday, April 9, 2003

Choose your own adventure entry!

Today I woke up and

Humiliated: Iraq

This is what I didn't want. I think it's great that iraqis are tearing down saddam statues, and that saddam and is cohorts are either dead or not in power. But was this worth all the innocent civilian and soldier casualities? Why couldn't we have reached this goal without bombing Baghdad to kingdom come? Why did we have to humiliate the iraqi people like this? Freedom cannot be given, it must come from within. Look at the USA. Did some country humiliate us into freedom? No, we fought for it ourselves! We rose up against England! Why is this a difficult concept?

Now that we have made our decision and have carried thru with it, I hope that we properly rebuild Iraq. What's worse than bombing a country to humiliation and just leaving them to deal with it? That's not what we did to Japan, this is not what we should do to Iraq. We promised Afghanistan billions of dollars to get them back on the feet. Where's that money now? Better question, where is Osama bin Laden now?

Tuesday, April 8, 2003

In a World Gone Mad

Beastie Boys Said It Best
[CHORUS]
In a world gone mad it's hard to think right
So much violence hate and spite
Murder going on all day and night
Due time we fight the non-violent fight

Mirrors, smokescreens and lies
It's not the politicians but their actions I despise
You and Saddam should kick it like back in the day
With the cocaine and Courvoisier
But you build more bombs as you get more bold
As your mid-life crisis war unfolds
All you want to do is take control
Now put that axis of evil bullshit on hold
Citizen rule number 2080
Politicians are shady
So people watch your back 'cause I think they smoke crack
I don't doubt it look at how they act

Monday, April 7, 2003

Head of State

This movie is a whole lotta fun. There's some hilarious running gags in it, which make use of excellent sound effects and whatnot. Sure, there are some cliches and the plot was pretty unrealistic, but it's heart was in the right place. Chris Rock's directorial debut is pretty solid, but not extraordinary. Check this movie out, you'll like it...just as much as the women a few seats down from me who kept clapping and screaming "yeah!" and "you go!" Hey, not makin' fun, that's what movies do. If movies don't generate emotion, then it's a bad movie. No matter what. Pick any movie, and if it doesn't generate an emotion in you, then you can't say you liked the film. I can say that I liked this film.

memoriable quotes...

Sunday, April 6, 2003

Uh-oh Spaghetti O's!

I just got back from seeing HEAD OF STATE, which btw kicked major ass. Chris Rock rules! Anyhoo, I get back, and the first thing I'm told is that the dryer is broken. It just decided to stop working...so we can't wash our clothes until we get it fixed...egads, this may mean actually going to a laundromat! AH!!!!! eh, it's not that bad, but just so you know...I don't want y'all to come screamin and hollarin to me about why there's a nasty ass stank up in here! Got an issue, grab a tissue!

Saturday, April 5, 2003

Leisure suit larry harry!

I was just surfin around and I found a flash game of the original leisure suit larry game! I haven't played with it much, as I came over here to tell you all, but this is awesome! I played this game all the time on my old compaq suitcase computer, those ones that look like suitcases, back before the 3.5 floppy discs, yeah the game was on the 5 inch floppy! Ah, those were the days...no wait, what am I saying, this flash game beats the quality of the original! Go there now!

UPDATE
Okay, what the fuck. I just noticed it says 'Leisure Suit Harry'. This is gay. What the hell. Sierra is being ripped off. It still looks like a fun game tho.

Pre-Booty Call Agreement

via rock-starlette.net, which works very well in conjunction with phil's contribution

Phone Booth

This was decent, but nothing spectacular. It was too long and overblown. It would have worked so much better has a short story, you know, a 50 minute Outer Limits episode. It was great in that regard, but seeing the 90 minute version, it just feels like I saw a lot of useless filler. Forrest Whitaker, Colin Farrell, and Reefer Kiefer Sutherland were awesome, but the story just seems perfect for a short film, and not a 90 minute feature.

Apple: Good for porno!

via chris

PC users: apple makes porn look good.

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, an apple a day, makes the doctor go away, doesn't it? =D

Friday, April 4, 2003

Nooooooo! This isn't happening!

WTF IS "DIAMONDS AND GUNS" BY THE TRANSPLANTS DOING IN A FUCKING HAIR COMMERICAL?!?! THAT SONG IS ALL ABOUT ACTION, NOT HAIR!!! THIS IS SACRILEGE, BLASPHEMY, WHAT-HAVE-YOU! I'M CALLING MY LAWYER!

Dinner with W

recieved as an email forward, author unknown...

George Bush and Dick Cheney are enjoying a celebration lunch at a fancy Washington restaurant.

Their waitress approaches their table to take their order; she is young and very attractive. She asks Cheney what he wants, and he replies, "I'll have the heart-healthy salad." Very good, sir," she replies, and turning to Bush she asks, "And what do you want, Mr. President?" Bush answers, "How about a quickie?

Taken aback, the waitress slaps him and says, "I'm shocked and disappointed in you!!!!! I thought you were bringing in a new administration that was committed to high principles and morality. I'm sorry I voted for you."

With that, the waitress departed in a huff. Cheney leans over to Bush, and says, Mr. President, I believe that's pronounced quiche...

Driving Tip

Since merging is an unknown concept here in Maryland, I'll have to explain it. Merging is the act of assimilating your vehicle with many vehicles on an asphault (or concrete) strip of land, most notably known as a road. Assimilating too big a word? It means GET UP TO FUCKING SPEED AND MOVE YOUR ASS! Drivers around here piss me off. How could so many of them not know how to merge?!? It's so simple!!

1. Get on the on-ramp.
2. Don't stop.
3. Get off the on-ramp.
4. Don't stop.
5. HIT THE GAS!

Voila, you are now on the highway! Hopefully you didn't slow to a crawl or stop in the process and cause someone to rear-end you, or worse, miss your chance at merging and have to take the exit ramp and do it all again. Losers.

Those, of you who will be driving soon, please remember one thing, if it is all you remember, for the love of God, DO NOT FUCKING STOP AT THE END OF AN ON-RAMP! How are you supposed to match the speed of traffic if you're not moving?!?

Where's the pizza?

Wednesday, April 2, 2003

Oh how things change

I find it very ironic how just about 4 years ago, the republicans in this country, yes even good ol' FoxNews, was against the bombing in Iraq back in December 1998. It's quite funny, really. Could it have had something to do with Clinton? Maybe, possibly? I mean, if Clinton were still president, these people (Foxnews included) would be all but calling for his head on a platter. These people would be bantering on and on how the pre-emptive strike has destroyed America...but that's not what happened, it's Bush that's in the White House. So, it's actually the repubs taking shots at the pro-peace crowd, which is ironic, as most of society is just hitching along the bash-wagon.
"Something tells me that if president Al Gore were in the same situation, many of the people at these "peace" rallies would be throwing war parties."

Not true. I don't know how that would even be remotely fact. What, is Al Bore some magical mystic that can even make pro-peace people turn to murder and hate? I highly doubt it, and that article is one of the worst examples of journalism ever in the history of it. This article basically says how it's okay to hate people that disagree with you. Some moral fiber for the children of America that is! Thanks, FOX!

Then they go take shots at the French, who've been and are one of our longest friends, "Going to war without France is like going hunting without an accordion." It is this type of hate and racism that makes the pro-war crowd the laughing stock of this country planet.

The pro-peace crowd protested the war in '91 and we're back again now, the repubs were only against the war in 1998, I believe they called it "the free willy war", go ahead and laugh at the fools who would rather kill people than have sex.

Oh but Bozzy, the democrats supported Clinton then, you dope! Yeah, they did, and you know why? Because to do otherwise would mean political career suicide, again, it all comes down to our public officials not having the balls. One could say that is the only reason people are supporting Bush. In fact, I will say that.

Do you think I am just making this republican hypocrisy up? Get a load of this:


"I cannot support this military action in the Persian Gulf at this time. Both the timing and the policy are subject to question."
--Senator Trent Lott, December, 1998, criticizing President Clinton during Operation Desert Fox, while troops were in the field.

"How dare Senator Daschle criticize President Bush while we are fighting our war on terrorism, especially when we have troops in the field?"
--Senator Trent Lott, February 28, 2002.


Kinda hard to swallow that doublespeak, eh? Course, you really should take Trent Lott's words with a grain of salt. He's about as insignificant as... oh let's say... a certain select president...or Foxnews. You decide.

Look, I was against Clinton's "Operation Desert Fox" in 1998, and I am against "Operation Iraqi Freedom" today, for the exact same reasons.

Tuesday, April 1, 2003

Death Stats: thru 12 days

US: 46 killed, 17 missing.
Britain: 25 killed.

Iraqis
-civilian: 589 killed, 4,582 injured.
-military: "US doesn't want to get into body count business". Gee, I wonder why...I would bet it's 3 times as many of civilian casualties.

This war has brought on more destruction and death to Baghdad than crashing two commerical jets into NYC ever could. Who's the terrorists again?

EXCERPT:
"The U.S. has the largest nuclear arsenal--more than 6,000 nuclear missiles and bombs. It has spent $4 trillion on nuclear weapons since 1945. When it had a monopoly on these weapons it did not hesitate to use them against civilian centers--up to 200,000 civilians were instantly incinerated in Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945."


Sounds pretty terrorific to me.