Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Damn mad cows!

How to tell if your cow has mad cow disease, it's very useful, you never want to eat a mad cow, despite that mad human disease is not related to eating a mad cow.

Oh yeah, it's drunk night!

Curb your Enthusiasm

I've been watching a lot of this HBO series lately. I just love Larry David's sense of humor. Watching him perform just goes to show how great Jason Alexander did on Seinfeld, as Larry David is the real life basis for George Costanza, if you didn't already know. Jason had Larry down to a T. Anyway, season 4 of Curb your Enthusiasm premier's on Sunday.

Sunday, December 28, 2003

Somwhere's There's a Joke

I'm bored so I'm going to create an original peice of comedy.

Ann Coulter...somewhere there's a table in need of a waitress...
Brian Dawkins (Eagles DB, who bodyslammed a redskin last night)...somewhere there's some cotton, in need of a pickin'...somewhere there's a bananna, in need of a peelin'...somewhere there's an ass, in need of a wipin.
King George W...somewhere there's a book, in need of a burnin...somewhere there's an election in need of a fixin....somewhere there's a compost pile, in need of a shiftin'...somewhere there's a redneck...that's all, somewhere there's a redneck.
Bill Clinton...somewhere there's an intern...okay this is too easy.
Wil Wheaton...somewhere there's a dead body, in need of a findin.
Kevin Cupp...somewhere there's a voicemail system, in need of a message. (inside joke, well not if you regularly read this website)...somewhere there's his blog, in need of a post.
Donovan McNabb...somewhere there's my fist, in need of a fight....somewhere there's a mad scientist, in need of somebody-to-experiement-on. (okay that was a stretch, but it would be cool)
Rush Limbaugh...somewhere there's pain, in need of being killed...somewhere there's a television, in need of somebody to go on and shout about stupid shit..(that didn't come out as beautifully as the others, but I liked it, and that's all that matters).
Osama Bin Laden & the Al Qaeda Street Band...somewhere there's a commerical need of a....don't get ahead of me...bubble bath!!! hahaha you weren't expecting that!

Thank you folks, that's all the time I have, be sure to tip ann coulter your waitress...oh and remember to spay or neuter your limbaugh.

Friday, December 26, 2003

Favorite Movies

I want to take the lists off the sidebar, as they've been up forever and it's just boring now, but I don't want to lose the content, so I am making an entry about it...I will explain my lists too.

Thursday, December 25, 2003

Cold Mountain

I saw this movie today. If you haven't heard, it's up for 8 golden globe awards, and it deserves each one...well I haven't checked which categories it's nominated in, but Jude Law, Nicole Kidman, Renee Zellwegger, Ray Winstone, Brendan Gleesan, Phillip Seymour-Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Ethan Suplee, Jena Malone, god the cast is endless. They're all good. You gotta go see this. Then tell me if you also think Michael Sragow is an idiot. I think he is one. Michael Sragow must be a fucking pre-teen, he doesn't understand drama; if it's not action packed, he gets bored. What a retard.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Happy Fucking Holidays

Happy fucking holidays and I hate you. I hate your fucking guts. Go to hell. Go to hell for adding to the fucking traffic all around town. Go to hell for the long fucking lines in the stores. Go to hell, you fucking cuntrag. Yes, I am talking about you Santa. And don't give me this bullshit about you not existing, I know you exist. I saw you at the fucking mall, don't play games with me. You're a fucking fat fuck who discriminates by only giving presents to good little boys and girls, you worthless pile of filth. How dare you call me a bad boy, how dare you Santa! I'm not the child fucker that you are! Calling me a bad boy, what nerve. OH what was that last part? Don't you ever talk shit about my grandma like that, ya hear, punk? Yeah, keep eating cookies, go die of high blood pressure. Hey fatass, ever hear of the atkins diet? GO ON IT! Stupid fucking Santa. Yeah, you better run....oh btw, Rudolf and his gay ass red nose is a fag and a queer too. Call me redundant? Go suck prancer's testes.

Happy fucking holidays; now, eat my shit.

Stuck on You

I saw this last week, during my mandatory sabbatical from the Internet (while I waited for my new computer to arrive, old died)'s one of the best Farrelly Bros movie ever...right up there with "There's Something About Mary". I like how their latest films have traded the pure gross aspects for the high morals aspects. Both "Stuck on you" and "Shallow Hal" actually have very good messages, and Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear have awesome chemistry. The only thing odd is that they are not the same age, but the movie has a pretty good explanation for this, which sorta works, well works enough for a comedy, that's all this is. Who cares if it makes sense, it's funny, and it has a good message.

Monday, December 22, 2003

Gollum Rap

If you haven't seen this gollum rap, prepare to laugh.

Heeeeeee's Baaaaaaaaccccck


Yes. It is truely a return of the King.

Now, who misbehaved?

More importantly, what have I missed?
hint hint, now is the time to tell bozzy what he missed.

update 7pm
So yeah, I have the G5 now, I snapped some pics...but let me get settled in with it, get my files back and stuff, then I'll post some...

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Saddam: Chooses the Blue Pill

Saddam captured in a 'rabbit hole', insisted on choosing the blue pill.

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- After eluding coalition forces for months and vowing never to be taken alive, a disheveled Saddam Hussein was found hiding in a hidden hole near a farmhouse and was captured without firing a shot, coalition authorities announced Sunday.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

End Prohibition Now

I am watching the best news/policitcal show. Jesse Ventura's America. He is the celebrity personification of myself. (if only you don't think I am a celebrity, but I know you all do, :P)

Here's a quote from Gov Ventura from the segment about marijuana:
"how many people do you know who smoke pot, then go home and beat their wife? how many people do you know who abuse alcolhol, then go home and beat their wife"

"I've done marijuana. There, I admit it. I've done all of the big three. I've done tobacco, marijuana, and alcolhol, and let me tell you, marijuana is the least of the three."

I could not agree more. Ventura is the man.

Dean has to pick him as a running mate. Screw Wesley Clark and his bars.

So, like I was saying...


Friday, December 12, 2003

New Mac

I just bought a new mac. A powermac. It was on, so I must wait. I hate waiting. Which is why I didn't wait a month til the MacWorld expo. So what if they could be releasing a Dual 2.6Ghz G5 then, I am happy with my newly acquired (well in 3-5 business days, plus how long it actually takes to get here) PowerMac G5 Dual 2Ghz. Oooh I will miss out on .6Ghz...okay that's 600Mhz, but if I did wait for the Dual 2.6Ghz, it would just mean I would be missing out on some future G5 or G6...that's the thing with technology, they always evolve and they evolve fast.

Specs will be posted later. If I have to wait, you have to wait. Muahahahhahaha.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Lionel Tate finally gets a new trial

WEST PALM BEACH, Florida (AP) -- A Florida appellate court ordered a new trial Wednesday for a teen-age boy who is serving a life sentence for killing a 6-year-old playmate when he was 12-years-old, raising questions about the Florida law that allows child murderers to be locked away with no hope of parole.

Tell me is it that a 12 year old is mentally an adult when it's about murder, but a child when it's about sex? What is the point of even having the 'age of consent' law, if a preteen is deamed an adult? Isn't the kid accusing Michael Jackson of molestation (which he did not do, btw) 13? According to Florida, a 13 year old is an adult, so what is so wrong about having sex with one? I hate all these inconsistancies. Tastes like cardboard.

Tuesday, December 9, 2003

Family Guy quotes emporium

I just can't get enough of family's an example from the episode in which Chris gets a job as a paperboy and some old guy tries to get to lure Chris into his basement chess? yeah, let's just say that. XD

Anyhoo, that guy just leaves a few messages on the Griffin's voicemail when Chris stops delivering the paper. the setup has completed...

Guess whooo... sorry to leave u so many messages... just lonely here thinking 'bout the mussley arm paper boy...wishing he'd come by and bring me some good news... oh you're starting to piss me off you little piggly son of a bitch... call me!

Okay now it's your turn, comment with your favorite quotes. If you don't, I shall kill you.

Thursday, December 4, 2003

Miserable Failure

Go to Google and enter in "miserable failure" and hit "I'm feeling lucky". Go on, do it. It's funny.

via hoopty

Wednesday, December 3, 2003

Bush: Saving Trees

By cutting them down and killing them!

More timber and brush can be cut and cleared with less environmental scrutiny under a "Healthy Forests" law President Bush (news - web sites) signed Wednesday. He said it will help protect communities from devastating wildfires. More...

Did I just read that right? Bush just said he's going to protect trees from burning by cutting them down and thus killing them. Wow. What a fucking redneck. No no wait, that's insulting to rednecks.

The difference between a democrat and a republican...

Democrat: shit, throw some of that water on em, jezzebel.
Republican: fuck it, cut em all down larry, they wont burn ever again. Now I'm going to go fuck my wife.
paid for by the republicans are bad people commission

Apple needs me

I just applied online at for a job at the Apple Store in Towson, MD. I would love to work's only 40 minutes from here, plus I am probably going to be getting an apartment in Towson in the next 1-2 months, with some friends. Apple is the bestest company in the whole wide world of sports and I would love to work for them!

Monday, December 1, 2003

Cat in the Hat

With a whopping 2.8/10 on that other movie site, the one owned by that company named after a rain forest, "The Cat in the Hat" appears to be a bad movie. But that is not the case. Maybe this is just my inner child writing this, but I enjoyed it. A lot.

Mike Myers plays the infamous Cat, yes, the Cat who wears that infamous Hat. Alec Baldwin plays some guy named Quinn, who just can't seem to win...the heart of the Mom, played by Kelly Preston. But wait, there's more, Sean Hayes has two characters, the Mom's boss, and the children's Fish!

Speaking of those children, Dakota Fanning (Sally) and Spencer Breslin (Conrad), I saw Dakota on Leno recently and she was actively flirting with Hugh Grant! But was he flirting back? Yes! He was! Can we get a collective, YUCK?!?!?

Anyway, I enjoyed this movie, because it's got something for everybody. It's animated, so right away kids will see it, It's got some wit to it, so the parents don't have to sleep thru it, and there's even some adult product placements like a 6-pack of Miller Lite, for all those guys out there!

I have no idea why people have thoroughly bashed this movie, my only explanation is that there's some "dirty" dialogue; for example, when the Cat calls the garden hoe a dirty hoe. I thought that was cute, but whatever floats your boat, I guess.

I recommend this movie to everybody because it's funny and Mike Myers can't seem to lose, his facial mannerisms are just awesome.

Friday, November 28, 2003

Bad Santa

Warning, this is not a Christmas movie, and don't take somebody under 10 years old to see this. Don't be retarded.

"Bad Santa" is a heist movie, from the director of "Ghost World" and some not very good writers and the Coen Brothers, with a Christmas backdrop. Again, this ain't no "Jingle all the way" or "Elf". I think with a title with the word "Bad" in it, would make this fact obvious, but you never know these days.

Billy Bob Thornton and Tony Cox play a Santa and Elf con team. They've been working at Malls for the past seven years, and then robbing them blind every Christmas eve. They change cities and names each time. They haven't been caught. They are "in the zone", they are "at the top of their game", they are "I think you get the picture".

Other notable actors include the late John Ritter, and Bernie Mac. It's sad that this is the last role for John Ritter, because he and Bernie have some great chemistry and they're just hilarious together. Lauren Graham plays the Bad Santa's love interest, or fuck buddy, and Ajay Naidu plays, and I am not making this up, "Hindustani Troublemaker". Yes, this movie is full of DARK HUMOR.

I found myself laughing almost non-stop, and considering I had just eaten Thanksgiving dinner beforehand, well, it was painful. But it's the kind of pain you like, sorta. So if you do not like to laugh your ass off, then steer clear of this movie.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

'Happy' Thanksgiving.

Not like I'm trying to be scrooge, but have you seen Google's Thanksgiving logo? They have the turkey all happy and shit. That is such bullshit. Why the fuck is the turkey happy? It's the one being eaten!

Look, I'm not some PETA freak, in fact, I think we should all kill PETA freaks and cook their flesh, package it up, and send it to some starving tribe in Africa. But come on, what kind of sick fucks dress up their dinner and parade it around all the while forcing it to be happy? Just eat it, don't make it do stuff for you. Come on. It's a turkey folks, it's not happy, it's food. I just love it how Google and thousands of other entities focus on 'making the turkey happy', instead of the more--human--aspects: pilgrims and American Indians.

Have a happy thanksgiving, y'all.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Case of the Wednesdays

You know those days when nothing goes your way, or at least in your general vicinity? I am having one of those days. I could use hummer right about now, either definition would be fine. ;-)

Monday, November 24, 2003

Somewhere, there's a table...

Mann Coulter attacks Howard Dean's dead brother, way to show that compassion, Mann!

Read her article (I know, it's hard to stomach, pinch your nose), and see what that lady really is: just a blonde bimbo who has no business discussing politics.

Somewhere there's a table in need of a waitress...

Redskin Monikers

Oliver shares my pain that I suffered last night...uggggh one fucking point, anyhoo, oliver did a run down of all nicknames...

Daniel Snyder - The Danny, Mistah Snyder, Evil Genius
Norv Turner - A*hole, SOB, Dumbass, Norval
Joe Gibbs - Gibbsy, The Master, The Divine One
Art Monk - The Artful Monk, "He was robbed" (said every year when the idiot hall of fame doesn't let him in)
Charles Mann - Hungry Man!
Gus Ferrote - Gus Bus! (short-lived) Idiot Gus! Hammerhead!
Stephen Davis - "You can't stop #48. You can only hope to contain him." also, "SD"
Dan Wilkinson/Dana Stubblefield - "The Front" (this was after an idiotic poster I had, and very very very short lived)
Champ Bailey - Champion Bailey
Deion Sanders - "Jesus H, why is he on our team? Make it stop. For the love of God."
Brad Johnson - Bradley (for no reason). "BJ" when he started to... suck.
Patrick Ramsey - Ramzo, King Ramses
Tim Hasselbeck - Tim-ah! (a la South Park, this one was just intro'd yesterday)
Lavar Arrington - (guttural) LAH-Vaaaaaar!
Spurrier - Ballcoach Rules, "We're just gon' pitch it and we're gon' ketch it" (said with a southern accent)

My two most recent favorite idiotic things are the following:
Rock Cartwright - Gimme The Rock!


Sunday, November 23, 2003

Cleaned House

Literally and figuretively. Literally, I cleaned my house today, well it's not my house, but I helped clean it. Figuretively, I deleted like a dozen screennames I haven't chatted with in at least a month. Sorry, but being popular with me is a job. Shit, that line was in a movie preview I just saw before Gothica, what movie was it? Somebody tell me.


Okay, here's the premise. You've got a female psychiatrist working in a woman's mental institution, who loses her memory and awakens as a patient. She has no idea why. She learns that she killed her husband, but she has no clue as to why she would do such a thing. She later learns that she is not alone.

Halle Berry stars as the said psychiatrist Miranda Grey, with Penelope Cruz playing her primary patient and later roommate, Chloe Salva. Then there's Robert Downey Jr who I hear took time off a rebab project to work on this very special film (sarcasm) in which he plays another pyschiatrist-- just a hunch, but I think we've got that type of character covered. Nope, I spoke too soon. There's Dr. Douglas Grey, who is a psychiatrist and also the previously said husband who gets axed. Okay, that's the last of the psychiatrist characters. The only other character worth a shoutout would be John Carroll Lynch's (who is known best as Drew Carey's gay-mimi-lovin bro on the Drew Carey show) Sheriff Ryan.

Have I said how Miranda is not alone? Well she isn't alone! She's not alone, man! She's being possesed by the ghost of a 12 year old girl, named Rachel! Holy hell, son of a monkey nut! That's scary! More sarcasm.

Actually, there are quite a few scary shots in this, which redeem the movie and make it worth spending $8.50 (or whatever you pay) on, but in terms of any other redeeming qualities...there aren't many. Penelope Cruz is WASTED, and I do not mean high like Robert Downey Jr! Her character is underused and pointless. We're led to believe that she's important to the story and she isn't.

The plot is decent, but only because of the semi-good twist towards the end, which I won't go into, because that totally make the movie useless to everybody. Yes, you should see this film. Wait until it's about to leave the theaters, which may be in 2 weeks, just so the room won't be so crowded. Go alone. Watch it alone. That coupled with a dark room will probably scare you. If it doesn't, then don't say I didn't warn ya.

Kevin called me last night

Yeah, he said he's ready to commit. Is this a good or a bad thing? Me personally don't think I am ready to commit to such a relatio-- okay fine, he was just saying hi.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Just to fucking (Hey, editor's can cuss too.) clarify, that above paragraph is a lame attempt by Bozzy at being funny.

See, I had gone down to the waterfront marriot in downtown Baltimore twice. Once friday at 3pm and once yesterday around 2:30pm. I stayed for about 30 to 45 minutes, but I never found him and since he doesn't have a fucking cell phone, I had no way of contacting him to let him know I was there.

So I drove home. While going 75mph I-95, my pocket rings. I was too busy driving to look, but when I did look, I didn't recognize the number so it had to be him. I tried calling that number, but no answer, so it was probably a pay phone. Still, a homeless guy could have just picked up to say "yo kevin not here".

I then just stayed home and did nothing and just watched my cell til it rung again. It didn't. (okay I did other stuff too) So at 10pm or so, I decided the day was over and there was no way I would be chillin with kevin, so I went to see Gothica. Ironicaly, he called around 11:03. 11:10. And 11:15. The last one was the funniest, OMG.

Anyway, here are his voice mails he left last night. (right click on the arrow or else you will get and error and I will laugh at you) No, he does not really sound like Alvin or any other chipmunk, that was the mp3 encoder. I know why it's doing that, I just don't know how to fix it.

And scroll down to the entry right below, I still can't believe that dude is dead!!! I had a perfect role for him!!!!!!

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Actor Jonathan Brandis Dies at 27

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Jonathan Brandis, who from an early age appeared in a string of roles on television, commercials and film, including the starring role in 1991's "The Neverending Story 2: The Next Chapter" and two seasons on Steven Spielberg's "SeaQuest DSV," has died. He was 27. More...

Oh. My. God.

BREAKING NEWS! 11/23/03 1:20pm He hung himself!

Police said a friend of Brandis' called 911 from the actor's apartment just before midnight on November 11 to report that Brandis had attempted suicide by hanging. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital but he died the next day. More...

Friday, November 21, 2003

Easier Said Than Done

Today was fun. Today was the day I would hang out with Kevin while he was in Baltimore for some school thing. Except I couldn't find the Waterfront Marriot hotel at first; where they were staying, but eventually I did, but then I had to track down kevin, and that proved to be easier said than done, hence the title.

I had no problem finding the inner harbor, I go down there all the time, however, I have never been to the hotel he was at, so I had directions from mapquest from the inner harbor to the hotel. I found the mariott, tried to find parking for god knows how long, walked around to see if I could find him, but I never did. I just decided to go back, maybe he'll call me (hint hint if you are reading this but you probably arent) and tell me where he's gonna be tomorrow.

On a funny note, while I never found Kevin, I did drive past one of the red light districts, it was around Baltimore St. I think. That's something Columbia should have, haha.

update 11/22/03 3:41pm I just got back from trying it again, but I still didn't see him...he's probably off doing one of the tourists things in baltimore, I bet. oh and right by the hotel, there's this construction sign or something that says "bozzuto", how sweet of them to think of me.

update 11/23/03 12:31am I just got back from seeing "Gothica", I was in the movies from 10:20 to about 12:10 or something, and somtime around 11 my leg started vibrating. I didn't look, but I knew who it was.

Yes, sure enough, it was Kevin. I just listened to three hilarious voice mails. I have to get them on my computer as an mp3 or something, you all HAVE to listen, it's the funniest shit ever. So anyway Kevin, sorry for not answering, but I was "indisposed" or whatever you want to call it, but I appreciate that you cared enough to give me vibrating pleasure. o_O

yet another update--just minutes after the last, you do the math
Why is he using a calling card? How the hell do I call him back? Kevin, you need a cell phone. I went down to the marriot twice, I would have found you if I could have called to tell you I was there. Anyway, glad to hear from you, and those messages are great. Roast beef.

Sigh, so tired, it's 2:14am Kevin hasn't called back...I think he's asleep...but I did encode his message as an mp3...I must say, the encoder did not do his voice justice (he doesn't always sound like a chipmunk). I am too tired to figure out what's wrong, so just enjoy Chipmunk Kevin. Right click on the download arrow thing or else you will get a not found error page and i will laugh at you.

Btw, Kevin, Gothica was fuckin scary. Call me again, just so my leg vibrates. *rawr* Yeah, that was dumb.

What do I do?

I have a friend who keeps going behind my back to borrow my $400 iPod, without asking me. 8 our 10 ten times she does not ask me, 2 out 10 times she leaves a note...which is also bad, a note does not stop the unasked deletion of my music. She already took my iPod the day my iMac got corrupted and she wiped out my entire digital music collection. She has a boyfriend, which isn't me, but should I assume that she wants to go with me? I mean, she's borrowing my shit without asking me, she must think we're in a relationship, right? Thank God she doesn't have a driver's license (she's 18), because at least I don't have to worry about her taking my car.

Or am I wrong? Is it okay to borrow somebody's expensive stuff without asking? Keep in mind an iPod is used as a backup for all your mp3's. Kinda hard to do that when somebody else keeps erasing it.

Next time I see her, I'm going to ask, "When are we going to have sex?", then watch in awe as she is offended.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

The Justice System in this Country is in SHAMBLES.

A spokesman for the Santa Barbara County sheriff's department, Chris Pappas, said Jackson now faces a Jan. 9, 2004, arraignment date in Santa Barbara Superior Court to answer formal charges in the case. Officials said he will be charged with "multiple counts" of felony child molestation, reportedly for incidents at his Neverland Ranch involving a 12-year-old boy. Read more...

This is nothing but another extortion attempt on Michael Jackson. There has never been one shred of evidence that he has harmed a child, only hearsay, but you need hearsay if you and your child are going to falsely accuse a billionaire just to settle out of court. It is disgusting.

Michael Jackson EARNED all of his money thru his own hard work. It is disgusting how people constantly try to extort money out of him just because they are too LAZY to earn money the honest way.

Michael settled out of court a decade ago, to avoid further embarrassment, but I will guarantee you that he will not settle this time. He is more than just annoyed that people still try to extort money out of him. He will not settle. He knows he was wrong in giving into the extortion attempt the last time, and he won't make that mistake again.

He added, "Michael is in very strong spirits because he is innocent." He asserted that "my brother is not eccentric" and vowed that "we will fight" the child molestation charges.

You cannot win a trial on HEARSAY, especially when it's the ONLY form of evidence.

Jesus fucking christ, we go after Jackson on heresay and OJ Simpson gets away scottfree when there's a pile of real evidence pointing right at him.

When will people get it thru their heads that there is a difference between love and sex. You know, I love my dog, but that doesn't mean I believe in beastiality. Loving a child that is not yours does not make you a pedophile, sexually abusing them does. Michael Jackson has never sexually abused a child.


The third system ever to exceed the 10 TFflop/s mark is Virgina Tech's X Cluster Institute measured at 10.28 TFlop/s. This cluster is built with the Apple G5 as building blocks. It uses a Mellanox network based on the new Infinband technology as interconnect. Read on...

This is why I need to get me a G5.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Matrix: Revolutions

My God, I'm Surrounded by Retards.

I just got back seeing The Matrix: Revolutions, yes, for the first time. I chose to wait a couple weeks to let the hype and the stupid little poser punks die down. I have no idea what people thought was wrong with this movie. It is, quite simply, the best of the series. The only explanation I can partake is that these little poser kids are too attached to the glitz and glamour of the matrix. And that isn't capitalized, because I do not mean the actual movie. They don't seem to grasp that the matrix is not real, that Zion (or where it was) was what this story is about. Perhaps if Neo and crew hadn't spent so much time in the matrix, giving power to Smith, they could have actually stood more of a chance against the machines.

Now that I've got that off my chest, let me tell you that the effects and martial arts in Revolutions out-do the previous two films. Not only that, but the third installment, made the second one better. I had no idea where the Watchowski brothers were going after I saw the second one, but now I do. The whole series has meaning.

Sigh. I am still ranting. Who cares, all you motherfuckers who hate this movie are fucking retarded--

I have heard some people say that the beginning is too long, that it could have been done in 10 minutes. Jesus-fucking-nailed-to-a-cross-Christ, do you not understand how plots are supposed to build? All that you little poser punks want is to see non-stop action. The battles at the end are so great because the movie LED up to them. Is this a foreign concept? It shouldn't be.

Hugo Weaving deserves some kind of award, he is just awesome. My god, the way he talked during the battle with Neo, just brilliant.

Man, I cannot wait for the DVD.

They're Everywhere!!!!1

I'm a paranoid schizophrenic
with surround sound speakers

they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!

I hooked my cell phone
to a megaphone
to my headphone
and I'm still alone

they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!

and I'd like to talk to you right now
but it's me on the other line
I'll call you back
when the weather man
on the news gives me the sign
and I know you think
they're all out to get you
but they're really out to get me
can't you see

they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!
they're everywhere!

Saturday, November 15, 2003

I love Apple.

I just started a 60-day trial of .mac. I never thought it was worth it, but the backup and sync utilities it provides (not to mention a kickass email domain, ^_^) is obviously something that may be useful to me, lol. I am pretty sure in the next week or two I will become a full member, and I may also buy the biggest iDisk, so I can keep my whole Home directory backed up.

Oh and I gave Ryan a referral credit, he'll get 20% off his annual bill. Now, who wants to do that to me? :D

Thursday, November 13, 2003

I'm gonna get Mr. Wizard on ya asses

For some reason, my friend and I were talking about trenches last, here's some stats:
What is the deepest area on Earth? This trench is 1,554 miles long and 44 miles wide. Near its southwestern extremity, 210 miles southwest of Guam, lies the deepest point on Earth. This point ó referred to as the Challenger Deep ó plunges to a depth of nearly 7 miles. In 1960, the Trieste, a manned submersible owned by the U.S. Navy, descended to the bottom of the Mariana Trench. There, the pressure from the weight of the vast ocean above is tremendous. At more than 8 tons per square inch, itís the equivalent of an average-sized woman trying to hold 48 jumbo jets!

Wow. 48 Jumbo Jets. Here is another read on "Challenger Deep".

Ya know, they can make a seaship that can transmit data from the bottom of the Mariana Trench, but they can't make my cell phone work in the mall.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Bush's campaign takes a major blow!

Pfizer Donating 135 Million Doses of Anti-Blindness Drug

Great, if they're not blind, how will he-- okay, joke's run it's course.


I saw this yesterday, despite that I'm not a real big fan of Will Ferrel. I did like his Bush impersonation, but his only other role I loved was the Federal Wildlife Ranger in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back...I will add Elf to that list. He is so funny in it and really get's into the character.

I was also VERY surprised and delighted when, about halfway thru, Andy Richter (Late Nite) and Kyle Gass (Tenacious D) appeared. They have just about as much chemistry as Kyle Gass has with Jack Black. But when I got home, I checked IMDb, and neither of them were listed for this film, but I just checked again, and THEY ARE!

Also, Zooey Deschanel is fucking hot. I need to find a pic and put her in the rotating babes on my title graphic. hehehehehe

This was a good christmas film, with a rudolph theme going. Ed Asner is great as Santa and Bob Newhart is just hilarious as the narrator/papa elf.

I did have a slight problem with this tho...SPOILER

Monday, November 10, 2003

What is an African-American?

Read this Carlin excerpt about politically correct language, and then tell me why we use the term 'African-American'. Is it because they have dual citizenship in the USA and Africa? Silly me, I was unaware one could hold citizenship to a continent. Where in Africa do they have citizenship, and furthermore where in America? North, South, or Central? Inquiring minds want to know.

So, what are we supposed to call them? People of color? Coloured people? Negros? Black? What about just a person? I will use it in a sentence, Hey, look at that person over there. It all seems rather silly. I would love to hear a linguist's explantion about this.

Not trying to come off racist, I'm not one, but I have always just used 'Black' or 'White', or sometimes even more descriptive terms as 'Brown' or 'Tan'. It's at least accurate.

African American implies that the person you call that is African and American as if all black people are African and currently reside in America. Way to stereotype, jackass.

Me? I'm a white guy, but I think George Carlin has a point, so from now on, I will refer to myself as a pinkie. Because, unless you're Lucy (Peanuts), you are not white.

Sunday, November 9, 2003

Pop Quiz

Okay, you're in a football game and you're on offense on your own 20 yard line, with the score tied at 20, with about 5 minutes in the game. What do you do? Do you punt? Do you go for it? If your name is Steve Spurrier, you go for it. Besides, it's 4th and inches, did I mention that? All you have to do is get back to the line of scrimmage and you've got the first down.

That's what happened. The Redskins did that and went all the way down to the Seahawks 20 yard line, Ramsey thru a screen to Gardner, but waitaminute sonnyboy, suddenly the ball's being caught in the endzone by Trung Canidate. Yes, that's a TD pass by WR Rod Gardner. Yeah, that came straight up I-95 from Gainesville, FL.

If you are thick headed and stupid, and didn't follow a word of that, just peruse the boxscore, of the game that snapped the 4 game losing streak of the Redskins. Boy, am I relieved, I was running out of ways to blog, "we suck".

Saturday, November 8, 2003

The Sponge Effect

I have noticed that whenever I go to the movies and just order a coke (usually a medium cherry), I always have to piss really bad, but when I order popcorn in addition, I never have the urge to pee in the middle of the movie. The only explanation I can fathom is that the popcorn acts as sponge, hence why I just coined the term, the sponge effect. No, I was not inspired by the butterfly effect. Okay, yes it was.

Alien - The Director's Cut

Hey people, I just got back from the movies, and if you read the title of this post, then you know what I saw. Now, I must apologize, I never saw this movie (I did however see Alien 3 and 4, but who cares) when it first came out, but I think I've got a good excuse-- I wasn't born. It was nice to finally get the full effect of this movie on the big screen, but I was never scared, as despite the size of the screen, I still had seen it before and knew who was and when they were going to die.

I saw the previews for Alien V. Predator, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, and the Butterfly Effect, I have to see those last two. I'll see them all, but those last two just look awesome.

So if you're like me, and weren't born when Alien was originially released, go see it now. There's nothing like seeing a young Sigourney Weaver half naked on the big screen.

Friday, November 7, 2003

Well, when in Rome...

Fuck that, I don't like the direction that cliche is taking the post, if you can't beat em, join em fits much better.

Go Orioles.

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

More Americans do not want Bush again

The survey by Marist College's Institute for Public Opinion found that 44 percent of the voters questioned said they planned to definitely vote against the Republican president while 38 percent said they would support his re-election. continue reading...

Now, my math is rusty but I do believe that 44% is a higher number of voters than 38%.

Monday, November 3, 2003

Get this to the President

Somebody with connections pass this webeo to the President, I think it's dumbed down enough for him to understand it. Who knows, maybe they need to remake it with Pauly Shore as the V.O. or something.

Thanks to Kevin for the link.

Tomacco is a real thing now!

Life does indeed imitate art and crossed a Tobacco plant with a Tomato plant.

"Daddy, this tomato tastes like Grandma."

Say whaaaaaaa, Rosie?

Rosie O'Donnell has some serious issues about her sexuality. If she's proud enough to publicly say she's a lesbian, why the hell is she uncomforable about a picture of her hugging another woman?

"She said, 'As a lesbian, I'm uncomfortable being on a magazine cover holding another woman or touching another woman,'" Toepfer testified. "I said, 'You know Rosie, that would never have occurred to me in a thousand years.'"

Makes no sense to me.

Saturday, November 1, 2003

Halloween was eventful

Started out with the usual annoying kids ringing the goddamn bell. For the love of God, Allah, Buddha, and any other deity, WE ARE RIGHT BY THE DOOR, JUST KNOCK!!! It's not like the house is huge, please don't ring the bell on Halloween! Any other day it's fine to ring it, but on Halloween, hearing the damn bell every 4 minutes or so gets annoying very fast.

Then this 13 year old but looks 10 kid comes to the door asking for candy and he doesn't even have a costume! He said his dad didn't let him trick or treat this year, or something, I didn't buy it, but watching him beg was very amusing, so afterawhile, I gave the poor boy one threemusketeer's bar. Don't worry, just a fun size one.

That pissed me off so I drove down to MoCo (Montgomery County, MD for you out of state lamewads) to pick up a friend, then came back to HoCo (can you guess?) to wait for other friends to show up, then we went looking for spirits. Sounds corny, but it was cool.

Friday, October 31, 2003

Great Scott! 1.21 Gigawatts!

HERZLIYA, Israel (Reuters) - An Israeli start-up has developed a processor that uses optics instead of silicon, enabling it to compute at the speed of light, the company said.

Wow!!! What else moves at the speed of light....A BOLT OF LIGHTNING!

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Matt Groening's funniest ever

"Now Fox has a new rule that we can't do those little fake news crawls on the bottom of the screen in a cartoon because it might confuse the viewers into thinking it's real news," he said.


What kind of stupid fucking idiots would mistake a cartoon for real news? Oh right, Foxnews' key demographic. My bad.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

I knew I shouldn't have seen this. Remakes almost always suck in comparison the original. Alas, there are some cool effects in this, but some piss poor direction. Okay, if you say it's set in 1973, then why the hell does Jessica Biel (who is hot, no bad movie can take away hotness) wear hipster jeans??!?! That's a product of the 90s!!! Come on, it sounds stupid to care about stuff like that, but there's no excuse for those kind of errors! If you get that out of your mind, the only redeeming aspect to this film was the first death. Girl eats bullet. Camera zooms backwards thru the hole in her head and keeps moving backwards thru the hole in the rear windshield of the van, then a closeup of smoke coming out of her mouth. That got the expectations for the remainder of the film pretty damn high. R. Lee Ermy was his usual self as the corupt sherrif, but this film is just pathetic. There really wasn't a reason to remake this, other then money of course.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Scary Movie 3

Now, I am a big fan of Wayans comedy, but even I was glad they gave the third movie to comedy legend David Zucker (Airplane, Hotshots, and Naked Gun). Scary Movie has a lot of the same characters (minus the Wayans bros), there's that Cindy Campbell chick (who is now a tv anchor) and Brenda Meeks (who is now a school teacher, hehe).

One of the first things I noticed was that for each movie that was spoofed, Zucker used the same lighting scheme from that movie. I never remember this happening in the previous 2, Keenan Ivory Wayans kept the lightning scheme constant for the entirity of both films. Maybe I'm just not remembering correctly, but I swear I am.

Back to Zucker, he hasn't done a pure spoof in a while now, but he is not rusty. This spoof rivals hotshots, airplane, or even the naked gun. And you don't even have to know he directed this, because when you see characters getting routinely and randomly hit with blunt objects, you know you're dealing with the same brillant mind that brought you The Naked Gun.

Scary Movie 3 is the best of the series, and I cannot wait for Scary Movie 4. I remember being horrified that they were making a third movie, but I am not horrorified of any more additions.

Okay, I am off to see "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", later.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Leisure Suit Larry!

Doesn't THIS just bring back a flood of memories? If you're cool, it should. This series was the bestest computer game series ever made and I was so addicted to this in middle & high school. Back in the day, man, back in the day.

Oh yeah, peruse over to that link, they're releasing a new one!!! o_O_o

Monday, October 20, 2003

Kill Bill Stream (warning: spoilers)

I promised you more thought on KILL BILL in my initial post about it, so here it is, it's disorganized and just pretty much a stream of conciousness, so don't tell your english professor to read it. I may get embarrassed.
This is quentin's best film ever. PULP FICTION and RESERVOIR DOGS were great too, I'm not belittleing them, but Kill Bill is much more intense, the story is just as interesting, and just cool.

I absolutely loved the 'anime' sequence in the middle. I thought it was a great way of storytelling....and speaking of great story telling, when he went to black&white during the crazy88's battle. That was FUCKING BRILLIANT. The gore was starting to get over the top, and he also had to show that after a certain amount of death, the bride lost a lot of emotion...but then it goes back to color when she see's that one of the fighters is just a boy. This ties back to her wanting to be a mother and upset that she possibly lost her baby.

Lucy Liu's death scene was great, and that battle was great too.

As for the dialogue, this film wasn't about great dialogue, it's quentin homage to grindhouse cinema, it's supposed to be cheesy and stuff. Great dialogue would look odd in this movie. It wouldn't jive well with the cartoonish gore.

But to flat out say this movie has bad dialogue is stupid and moronic, it's just different dialogue, there's still great one-liners and chemistry between the actors. The battle between the bride and Vivica A. Fox's character was hilarious...the best part was the KaBoom cereal!

And the line "you know, for a second there, yeah, I kinda did" when ORen asked the bride, "You didn't think it would be thaaaat easy, did you?", was great. The previews made it look like a throwaway line, but it's not and it worked.

UMA THURMAN IS MY GODDESS. I WANT ETHAN HAWKE TO DIE SO I CAN MARRY HER!!!! Just kidding, but I love tall women. Especially tall, sexy, women brandishing swords.

Blood doesn't really gush 20 feet into the air when a limb is severered, and it doesn't last for 5's more like 4-5 feet and at most 10 seconds, after that you'd have no blood left to gush. Maybe I'm a little off with those numbers, but I know 20 feet is alittle much...who cares, this is a movie, people.

I'd say it's a toss-up between Tarantino and Roridguez about whether which one has yanked the action crown from John Woo, because they both have just taken violence to a whole new level and made it much more of an artform. I mean, John Woo did that as well, but Quentin and Robert have just raised the bar so much, it's incredible. These two are great for the future of cinema.

Anyway, when I first heard it was going to be released in two movies, I thought it was kinda stupid, but I think 3.5 hours of cartoonish gore would have just gotten monotanous afterawhile and quentin doesn't want to bore people, and he likes cliff hangers.

I was pleasantly surprised to see the sherriff from, FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, Michael Parks in a small role in this movie (playing a sherrif, lol)...I can't wait for vol2 to see more of michael madsen and david carradine, and I am glad he played bill and not Warren Beatty, David Carradine looks much more badass with a samarai sword.

Oh and it's not coincidence that ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO was released only 2 months was supposed to be out like a year ago or so, but I think robert rodriguez wanted it to be close to kill bill...just guessing on my part, but it wouldnt surprise me. Both movies have a cartoonish quality about them, one uses guns and launching people when they get shot, and the other has fountains of blood from swords.

I cannot wait for vol2 in feb04 and INGLORIOUS BASTARDS in 2005.

phew, that was a lot of typing. now I must go rest my fingers...where's jessica alba when you need to finger her?

Saturday, October 18, 2003

This Century's Who's On First

This is some funny shiat.


ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking
of buying a computer.

COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.

ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one

COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got? ...continue reading...

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Hey Brian...

It's delux, son, delux!


get it right, it's delux_247, son.

The Prescription Drug War

Did you know that Americans are the only people in the world who have to cover the research costs of prescription drugs? Did you know that this said research is done mostly in other countries? Did you know that those other countries do not make their citizens pay for the research costs?

Did you know that the price of prescription drugs in America is much greater than in any other nation because of this fact?

Why are Americans being singled out to pay for the cost of research?

I think it's time for other countries to start stepping up to the plate and taking their share of the responsibilty, afterall, the majority of the research isn't even done in the USA.

It is unfair to put all these costs squarely on Americans. Thank you Governor Bush.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Yeah, I'm an uncle for the 5th time!

My brother just had his third well, his wife did. Unlike their first two, it's a boy and named Evan. If you know me, then you know the last name.

I now have 3 neices and 2 nephews. And I also have 10 fingers and 10 toes, and a belly button...

Shit, holidays just got more expensive. Always a downside. Always a downside. lol

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

'Columbus Day' is a joke

Christopher Columbus disovered nothing. The dago was just a dirty shit for brains, no good eyetie who slaughtered tribes of Native Americans and gave them diseases. Giving the goomba a holiday is a slap in the face. Guido deserves no respect and the wop makes Italians everywhere look bad.

Friday, October 10, 2003

Kill Bill Review Vol 1

Yes, this is volume 1 of my review. I cannot really review this, because quite frankly, I want everybody to see it, and I don't want to give anything away. Instead I will give you a few pointers as to how to watch this movie.

1. This movie is told in CHAPTER format. Each chapter is a story unto itself. They each move the story along, but think of it as just peices to a much bigger puzzle, even volume 2 (set to hit theaters in feb04) won't solve. It's ok. You're brain will fill in the missing peices. Think of it as a book in motion.
2. If you've seen any of Quentin's previous films, then you know he likes to shake things up, put em in a blender and just let the film cut itself together. It's not quite the same out of orderness as in PULP FICTION, because it's told in chapter format, but the chapters are not in order from beginning to end.
3. If you don't like blood, then you will probably hate this film, but go see it anyway, it's a movie that you've never seen before. It pulls from every martial art/exploitation/anime/kungfu film, or maybe just the ones Quentin loves, but either one is good enough.
4. Uh, you're still reading? Get to the theater, beeeotch; I hope I didn't spoil anything for you.

Click below if you saw the film...

Just Bought Tickets

Fun starts tonight at 8.



Okay, I am tired of people pronouncing Laveranues Coles' name wrong. Misspellings are fine, it's a tough name to spell, but come on people, show some respect and learn how to say his name, especially if you call a game for a living. I find it pretty rude when the announcer will shorten his name to Lav Coles. It's not even a hard name to say. Let's break it down.

La vern e us

La as in tralalallala I'm singing, vern as in that friend Ernest P Worrel always talks to, e as the letter e, and us as in you and me.

The most common way I have heard people pronounce this name is, La ver news. That's so stupid I feel dumb just typing it.

I think it's the a in the middle of the name that throws people, so just ignore that a, in fact, it's probably silent. I'm no linguist, but I don't hear an a, and there's no a in the syllable breakdown, so just pretend it's not there and we'll all be happy, k?

Tuesday, October 7, 2003

Best. Standup. Ever.

I just watched "Robin Williams: Live on Broadway" on hbo, 2 plus hours of funny shit. I don't know how I missed it when it premiered last summer. But now, I finally know where Jason got this.

I swear, watching Robin Williams perform is better than fucking.

How Incredibily Lame

President Bush has a blog. Suddenly, the blogging world went into nuclear winter. There's something, well many things wrong with it.

1. the author is "". Blogs are personal, morons. They have no clue.
2. There's no "comments" section. Why? Because Bush and Company could care less about what people think. Howard Dean's blog has a comments section. Hell, Dean even goes so far as to power his blog with Movable Type! Dean has comments and trackback on his blog. The Bush team is just clueless.
3. The lame 'what's a blog popup', how dare they call Bush's campaign grassroots. Nothing about it is grassroots. Not even remotely. He has a corporate money-making machine, he doesn't rely on the internet for money. They're just lying. And they're not even good at it.

I'm disgusted.

Um, no.

"Catherine Watson, 45, told a district court judge at a preliminary hearing that she nearly bled to death from the September 12 procedure, which was done on the dining room table of her McKeesport home in suburban Pittsburgh. She had to be hospitalized."

That's just wrong. Lock him up and throw away the key. Just, eww.

Bush still destroying jobs

On the surface this looks great, finally an end to those annoying spam calls. But then you realize how we've already lost tons of jobs under the Bush administration and this bill will force 2 million young people (twenty somethings usually) out of work. But who cares about them, the phone isn't ringing!

Meanwhile the companies who employ them get to make more money and put more money in their pension plans for all the VPs.

See, Bush destroys jobs.

Monday, October 6, 2003

Totally Radical, Dude

Kevin told me he's gonna be in Baltimore from November 21st-23rd or something, I think I remember correctly...I'm definitely going have to drive into Bal'mer and chill with this coo mofo. Okay, I'm not really hip. I'm a fucking dork. Ok? Jeez.

Sunday, October 5, 2003

The School of Rock

Ah, music to my ears. Not only does this movie star the hilarious Jack Black, but it also enjoys sticking it to The Man (in this case, the edumacation system) and that is all Richard Linklater. All throughout the film Black is telling people to stay loose and be "loosey goosey", he was talking about music, but you can apply the same style to any linklater film. There's not really any reason to hate this movie. It's funny, has a good message, stars the gorgeous Joan Cusack. The kids in the movie all do a great job in their first film roles...most of them are actually talented young musicians, they're cute and funny in their interactions with Jack Black...shit, can I say kids are cute on the Internet?

In other words, this movie is the shizznizzle.

Thursday, October 2, 2003

Never live in Columbia

People in this town move at the speed of light and couldn't be even the slightest bit bothered to be polite. I was just driving home and I had to merge over 2 lanes to turn left, and a stupid inpolite fucking minivan who was in the lane to my left was just set on going straight. Not only did they not let me switch lanes to turn left, they hung back til the last possible second then sped up and went thru the traffic light. Pisses me the fuck off. Don't live in Columbia. Nothing but rich assholes who drive minivans and SUVs.

Another thing, what the fuck is the point of having an SUV?!? Those are the ugliest things on the road. They're like trying to be a truck and a van but they're neither, they just use up too much gas and roll over. Give me a Chevy Camaro any day. Hell, I'll just stick with Honda, provided I don't have to drive the Element.


Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Holy Shit.

The Department of Justice has launched a criminal investigation against the Bush administration. Like Oliver Willis said, "Someone in this White House has comitted treason, and we shouldn't rest until they are gone and in jail."

Scary. Just fucking scary.

Oh yeah, I rule.

I was disgusted that I was paying 265 bucks a month for Kaiser Permanente, which I get thru my work, so what did I do, I hit the net, found and then found a Personal Comp Blue Cross Blue Shield plan for only 106 bucks a month. I am going to save myself like 160 bucks every month. I know, I rule.

Monday, September 29, 2003

Did anybody call for a plumber?

General Wesley Clark wants an independant counsel investigation-- the same investigation technique use to look into President Clinton's sexual habits-- on that little leak to the press, except it's not really a little leak, why did I say little? It's a huge fucking leak, and there's something even more scary about this, it supposedly wasn't an accident.

In other news, on stage suicide now illegal, and from the why-didn't-I-think-of-that department, teen tricks people into buying bricks.

Still Seething


What is wrong with that picture?

Answer:'s a picture of receiver Laveranues Coles catching a pass, taking 3 steps, holding on to the ball with both hands, and falling out of bounds.

Unbeknownst to myself, I was unaware that if you lose the ball when you land on the ground out of bounds, it makes your catch an incomplete pass. Silly me, I would have thought it would be called a 'fumble out of bounds' and thus going to the player who touched it last, in this case: Coles.

At least we won the game.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

OMG. Wow.

I must be getting popular or something. I got the strangest referral. I got a referral from a yahoo profile! The best thing is that I have no clue who this person is. It is always nice to find out that some stranger likes something you've done. If you're reading this, adidasbabe518, you totally r0x0r.

The Rundown

Lame. Lame. Lame. This movie has promise but it seems to care more about being funny then being an action movie...which isn't a bad thing, it's a good cross of Indiana Jones & Ace Ventura, but the action is too easily achieved...I mean, the whole plot of the movie is based on some artafact, yet they have no trouble finding it. It's got wit and there's a great cameo in the beginning, fitting how The Rock has taken his* place in the film industry.

Good popcorn movie, nothing great. Take your girl to see "Anything Else", she won't be bored, and you'll have a better** chance of getting laid afterwards.

* hint: he's running for governor now
** Not making any guarantees.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Girls Gone Wild?

What the hell?

Buy your free girls gone wild here: girls gone wild? What the hell?

Wait, did you just ask me why eminem caused ben to break up with J.Lo? I don't know about that, but I do know that the california recall debate was full of witticisms and personal attacks.

Yes, this is operation: fuck up search.

Ball Fondling

Tomorrow I have the regular yearly physical-- it's always a great experience to get your balls fondled by some guy who you barely know, who also fondles many many more balls that aren't even yours.

Did I gross you out yet? Turn your head and cough.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

A Rock's on Ebay

I mean, Iraq-- the country, is on Ebay-- the website. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is bogus, one typically must own what they are selling on ebay, but it's amusing nontheless.

Thanks to kevin for the link.

ATTN: Media Outlets

You know what pisses me off the most? Seeing a (D) or an (R) or even an (I) next to someone's name when they appear on a talk show or news show. And do you know why? Because whether you want to acknowledge it or not, there are people in this country who immediately disagree with somebody because they see that they're in a different political party. It's nonsense. Why is it important to tell people the party affiliation? Shouldn't the issues tell people that? Is it because Big Media thinks people are stupid and wouldn't recognize a political party by listening to a person talk about the issues? I think it's unfair to think that. I know there are people who are like that, but I don't think we should pander to them.

Let's encourage people to educate themselves on the issue so they don't need the alphabet to make their decisions for them.

RIAA = Dumbasses

Okay, this is Dumb with a capital D. The RIAA has accuses a devout mac user of using Kazaa to steal music. Kazaa isn't available on the mac. The RIAA should really put a little more thought into defense, maybe then they'd actually see that alienating your customers is not the way to combat music pirating.

Look, I buy CDs. I don't pirate movies either. But if there is one song (most likely brand new) I hear, I'll download that, and more often than not, I go to the store and buy the whole album. I support the artists. And I would love to see more artists become independant of the major record labels and use the internet to sell their own CDs. Cut out the fuckin middleman.

inspired by ryan

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Like "Anything Else"

Just like anything else I would do, I went to the movies tonight, and saw Woody Allen's latest film, "Anything Else"...I was skeptical, with the exception of Hollywood Ending, his latest films have been stupid, but this one is his best since "Everybody Says I Love You", Jason Biggs totally flexes his acting muscle. I mean, in every non pie movie he did, I always saw him as the pie fucker, but during Anything Else, I saw him as Jerry Falk. That's his character, stupid.

Christina Ricci is hot, and Woody Allen isn't the main character, so there's other reasons than just Jason Biggs the non pie fucker, to see this movie. You should see it. It's not like anything else you've ever seen. Oooooh that was corny.

Saturday, September 20, 2003

Jim's Big Ego's flash webeos

Howdy peeps. I don't feel like writing much today, so just pass the time with stress, concrete and little miss communication. Three great songs by one great band, and a corny sentence by bozzy. Really, they're just a local boston band.

over and out

Friday, September 19, 2003

I'm Okay!

Isabel came, kicked some ass, then left like the unwelcomed guest that she was. Up in here merl'nd (that's maryland) we mostly got heavy winds and rain, no thunderstorms at all, kinda odd there. The wind was crazy. I went out looking at all the damage last night around midnight and it was still blowing me around. Not much big damage, just lots of tree limbs down. Some of which are pretty big, but none of the trees fell on anything valuable, except my friend in gaithersburg, well her car. We thought we saw her house on tv, but who knows, they all look alike up here!

Today was spent just picking up all the sticks and crap that fell down, again nothing to major, but still a pain in the ass to collect up. My aunt and 4 cousins live in Virginia Beach and we haven't been able to reach them yet...they evacuated but I think one of my cousins' houses got completely flooded. I hope they are allright. They probably are. I also hope sam is allright. He probably is.

I'm counting myself lucky that we didn't get the brunt of the hurricane, if Isabel went up the Chesapeak bay, it would have been so much worse, man. I feel bad for Governor Ehrlich, it hasnt even been a year since he took office and he's already had a major freakin snowstorm (27 inches) and a fuckin hurricane to mess up his state.

I'm gonna hang a bit then see Cabin Fever, which oddly enough I haven't seen yet.

The entire shopping area where the united artist theater is has had no power all day. Not just UA. The ENTIRE shopping area. I know it's tough on the city, but damn, this is like the 5th time this year that whole complex has lost power. And supposedly all the power lines are underground in columbia. That's when you know you suck.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

How to shoot yourself in the foot

stolen from

370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep- fried.
Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.
Algol: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
Apple: We'll let you shoot yourself, but it'll cost you a bundle.
Arc Macro Language: You create a gun polygon and a bullet polygon. &Then &you &realize &that &your &foot &is &in &another UTM &zone.
Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

Listen up!

Moo bear.

Monday, September 15, 2003

The Hiring Process of Corporate America

1. Look at the skills. Try to pick the best person for the job.
2. In the event of a tie, look at race.
3. Run by the HR department to get the latest quota.
4. Ignore the quota and waste time and bitch about it being a hard decision.
5. Look at race again.
6. In the event that it's still tied, look at sex. (No, not surf the net for porn, that's the last step)

7. Since we all know (or at least try to pretend) that no two penii are alike, this makes for a great way to decide, as eenie meenie miney mo is childish and just stupid. Go for the biggest penis possible. Again, no two penii are alike, and hell, one of the applicants may be arroused, so yank down their pants and compare! (see image) You know the old saying...the bigger cock gets the worm...or something like that. If one of the applicants is in fact arroused, this will be an easy decision, pick the hardest one, and throw the flacids and women out.
8. If by some act of God that there is still a virtual deadheat, then go back to the skills and pick the best person for the job, after fudging the application a bit, or even re-writing it. Remember: Always fudge a white applicant with a big penis.
9. Now look at porn.

But wait! Some liberal-lovin-jew-fuckin organization has caught on to you! Quickly make up some excuse to cancel the hire, and go with the least qualified black male with erectile dysfunction (or better yet: a black female), ya know, to make affirmative action look bad to cease it's use. I believe your rich white buddies on your softball team call this "taking one for the team", as opposed to "taking one up the ass" by that liberal organization.

Hopefully the above won't happen to you and will be able to hire your favorite white guy with the biggest penis (but not bigger than yours, remember that!), because that is what makes American companies so great, BIG PRICKS!!!!

Supercane Isabel

Yesterday I briefly told you all about this big category 5 (winds 150+mph) hurricane named Isabel. It's coming right towards the Chesapeake Bay, Virigina Beach, Ocean City, Baltimore, ya know, places where shit loads of people live. It's really fucking scary. Luckily, Columbia is high enough above sea level (like 700ft) that it'll probably be okay flood wise, but my house hasn't ever experienced high winds like the kind in a 5 'cane. The most we've ever had over here was like 85mph, but those were just periodic gusts. I'm pretty fucking scared about the possibility of all my windows being blown out and the roof lifting off. I'll let you know if I shit my pants.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Say it ain't so, joe!


NEW YORK (Reuters) -- Hollywood celebrity couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez have split up, at least temporarily, after postponing their wedding over a media frenzy, People magazine reported on Sunday.

The magazine's Web site quoted unidentified sources as saying Affleck decided he wanted out of the relationship, but it was not certain if the break-up will be permanent.

Aww, I am SO upset. Where's my violin?

Can you smell the sarcasm this morning? Shit, I think that's the bacon. Ciao

Once Upon A Time in Mexico


Ah, Robert Rodriguez. Watching his flicks are like music to my ears, if I were a musician. He's the man. He knows action. When you go see one of his flicks, you don't care about the 'how' but rather the 'when', because you're just enjoying the thing so much. In other words, it's not how it's going to happen, how the story will unfold, it's when, and with how many guns and ammunition.

"Once Upon a Time in Mexico" is the third installment in a series a flicks Mr. Rodriguez started in 1992 with just $7,000. That was the cost of "El Mariachi", and a few years later, he got the chance to play with the story again in "Desperado", this time on a Hollywood budget! And now, he has truely become the master of action. I'd strip that title away from John Woo and proudly hand it to Mr. Rodriguez. Yes.

The action in 'Mexico couldn't be any more masterful. Guns never run out of ammo, unless they're supposed to; single shots propel people 10, 20 feet into the air; and John Woo couldn't even dare to do better.

Aside from the pornographic violence, which is done to perfection, there's those great one-liners. Johnny Depp, Antonio Banderas, Cheech Marin, Danny Trejo, Willem Dafoe, all have their fair share of the great Rodriguez script.

Which reminds me, not only does Mr. Rodriguez direct to perfection here, he writes... Shoots... Chops.. Scores... and even designs the costumes. For you normal people, that means he's the director, the writer, the cinematographer, the editor, the composer, and the production designer. Wow. I'm not worthy. I'm scum, I suck.

If anybody says this film is weak, or that it's just a bunch of impossible action, then they haven't seen a Rodriguez flick before. They don't understand. You have to suspend disbelief when you go see one his films.

Just sit back and relax, and enjoy his show.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

Wow, who'd a thunk it?

I hear file sharing is legal, yes legal in Canada. Ah, the joy of sex. Wait, no, this isn't about sex. Fuck.

Oh yeah, file sharing is legal in Canada. Makes you think. About sex. ... NOT AGAIN!

Friday, September 12, 2003

WTF!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!

I just read over at sam's that John Ritter died!!! This has to be bogus!!!! I've been seeing clips for his new show on ABC all summer, and it looked pretty great, this isn't fair!

Geez, I get home and first I hear that Johnny Cash died, then moments later and I hear that John Ritter died, it sucks. They were such great entertainers. I haven't been this upset over a dead celebrity since John Candy died. It took me like 2 weeks to get over his death, and that's a lot considering I never knew him personally, lol. John Candy was the bomb, no other comedian has topped him yet. John Ritter was great too, it's just not right. He was so young.

I'm gonna sulk in my dark room some, then go see cabin fever, if my mom gets back with the car in time. I hate sharing cars. I won't get my car back for 3 weeks. But who care's about that, John Ritter is dead! WTF!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Al Franken is a Freakin Genius

I ordered his book from a few days ago and it arrived this afternoon-- I AM LOVING IT. It is quality shizzle. There's a chapter called "Ann Coulter: Nutcase" which is followed immediately by a chapter called "You know who I hate? Ann Coulter." Fuckin' A, man. Al Franken completely and utterly disects the bile of filth that Ann Coulter calls her book, it's just attrocious how that fucking bitch is so careless with her writing. ONE WORD BITCH: RESEARCH. Do some. Actually, call the whole book thing off, books are overrated anyway, why read when there's foxnews? *shudder*

It's funny. I never actually read a damn thing about Ann Coulter, I'm not one to waste my time on that, so I just take advice from other people and believe them when they call her an elitist whore, oops I called her that. I'm sure others agree tho. In other words, that bitch doesn't deserve my time.

I want to just start pulling quotes from this book, but I don't know where to begin, it would be more efficient if you just read it for yourself. Not trying to be a commerical-- ah fuck it, yes I am, Al Franken deserves it.

Ann Coulter Is A Skinny Blonde idiot

Monday, September 8, 2003

Thinking about the past

This has been on my mind for a long time. And by a long time, I mean as long as I can remember. What is it? A question:

What existed before the Universe? Before the big bang? Was there life? If that answer is no, did time exist? Was it just a bunch of star dust and whatnot?

I can never really get close to answer this question, because it is almost beyond comprehention. We are always used to their being life, or some kind of life. The idea or notion that there wasn't ANYTHING, just a vat of nothingness is impossible to comprehend for us, for we have only known the Universe with life and time. It's a scary thought.

Anybody have anything to add?

Sunday, September 7, 2003

Dirty Spin on Famous Cliches

I am bored, so I am adding subtle spins to famous cliches.

CLICHE: I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.
DIRTY SPIN: I'm so horny I could eat a horse.

CLICHE: If you build it, he will come.
DIRTY SPIN: If you stoke it, he will cum.

CLICHE: Ants in his pants.
DIRTY SPIN: Aunts in his pants.

CLICHE: All things grow with love.
DIRTY SPIN: Painfully obvious and too dirty for my site.

CLICHE: Beat around the bush.
DIRTY SPIN: Not needed.

CLICHE: Easy as falling off a log.
DIRTY SPIN: Easy as droppin off a log.

Okay, it's your turn.

Mother-Son Convo You Have NEVER Heard


Son: Mommy, can I ask you a question?
Mommy: Sure baby

Before I continue with the convo, I want to explain that this was actually said between J and I when we were driving up to Jersey. We got bored in the car, and just started roleplaying. Continue on...

Wednesday, September 3, 2003

7 Ways to Be Cool

I thought I would share with you something from the slacker's guild...they may come in handy for some of you, :p

1. Actually go outside periodically. Note that by periodically, I mean more than once a week.

2. Talk to real people. You know, there's a lot you miss out on when you live through text conversations alone.

3. Realize that you have nothing to lose. Why? Because then you can ask out any person, say what's on your mind, and do anything you want, because you know you have nothing to lose. Ask out that cute person you have a thing for! If you don't ask, you'll never get any anyway, so you may as well ask and at least know you're not missing out.

4. Exercise. This is as simple as going for reflective walks now and then. You'll feel more alive.

5. Recognize that there are people who don't live their lives in computers. How dare you think someone is an idiot because they don't know how to configure their TCP/IP. As if you could fix your car or VCR or Flowbee if required. Everyone has specialized knowledge, and you shouldn't be an asshole about yours (P.S. If you use a Flowbee, that's another geek sign).

6. Smile. You'd have no idea how helpful this is in getting people to like you and talk to you. Smile, sourpuss!

7. Do something nice for someone for no particular reason. So many dorks are incredibly self-absorbed and anti-social, and generally have a nasty, condescending attitude. It feels good to do nice things, and it makes you truly cool.

Try any of them.

Tuesday, September 2, 2003

Labor Day 2003

If getting into a no foolin car accident (well only about a 4.5 out of 10 on the shockometer) in New Jersey was bad enough, the fact that it was labor day and pretty much everything was closed was just an insult to injury.

Yes, I rear-ended some car in Jersey because they stopped while merging, and while I did see them, I thought for sure in the time I was looking back at traffic that they would have gone...but they hadn't, and me (stupidly) started to go before turning my head...I would never have made this mistake in a familar place...but I was sorta lost trying to find a house to pick up friends (yeah, the same from the earlier post, Stacey and Jenna) that I was really thinking about too many steps at funny part is that I made great time on I-95 North. I left the house at like 8:30 and I took 95 all the way to philly (like how I went home) and got into Jersey by like 10:15...the accident happend at like 11:15. oh the irony

So yeah, my first accident that involved the police showing up...well it was the Camden County Park was infront of some park, lol. My car is still in jersey, at the towing place, and should be getting fixed, despite that the tow company said it was totalled. Haha, the only things wrong are the headlights are popped out (but they still are connected, lol), the airbags deployed, and the fenders are kinda dinged, but the front part is not crushed, it's soooo not totalled. The tow company also said it was old. Hello? It's a 96 Honda Accord with only 69k miles on it. Hondas can make it to 250k easily. It's pretty damn great for being 7 years old. They just wanted to strip it for parts, those fuckers.

Anyway, I wound up spending last night (with my two friends, who found me because I had gotten into the accident only a mile from the house I was trying to find, oh the sweet sweet irony, think of the irony) at some ghetto fabulous motel for only 62 bucks while we got the inssurance claim process started and all that fun shizznizzle. Nobody was injured, thankfully. The airbags fucking surprised me, they didn't even touch me, I was so shocked that they deployed. I was like, wtf shit, that was too easy. It was like that scene in MIB2 when the auto pilot guy deployed while Agent J was driving the new hottness, lmao.

Back to the ghetto fabulous motel room, to save money we only got a one bedroom room, so that bed had orgy written all over it...okay, in my dreams, but I swear, one of them grabbed my ass in their sleep last night. haha o_O

So I am home now. My mommy drove up to Jersey and picked us up and drove us home, I know aww. I have some pics of this ghetto fabulous motel room but my cell is charging right now, so I will send them to my ta site tomorrow. Til then, peace homies

Sunday, August 31, 2003

Double Shot of Kill Bill

I don't know how I missed this, but Kill Bill will be split into two parts, Volumes 1 and 2, hence the part about two parts.

Tarantino said the idea to divide the three-hour martial-arts epic was initially suggested by Miramax honcho Harvey Weinstein after the mogul visited the set in China, where the filmmaker spent more than five grueling months filming his 200-page script.

Miramax's blessing may come as a surprise to those movie-biz folks who refer to Weinstein as "Harvey Scissorhands," a nickname reflecting the studio czar's penchant for forcing directors not only to slash costs on their films but also running times.

But, according to Miramax's cofounder, there are exceptions to the rule.

"Miramax is the house Quentin Tarantino built," Weinstein told the New York Times on Tuesday, adding that the helmer was given "carte blanche."

Miramax is backing the three-hour martial arts epic to the tune of $55 million, excluding marketing costs--a paltry sum compared to most Hollywood blockbusters, but helped by the movie's Chinese location shoot and accommodating actors, many of whom worked for scale.

This will not make both parts cancel each other out at the upcoming Oscars.

Instead, Vol. 1 of Bill, due out on October 10, will qualify for the upcoming Oscars (to be handed out February 29), and it's concluding installment will be a possible contender for the 2004 Academy Awards, giving Miramax and Tarantino a double shot at taking home the golden guy for the kung-fu epic.

I can't wait.

Saturday, August 30, 2003

Home at last

I've just been to hell new jersey and back. Went there to drive my friends Jenna and Stacey up there to see some of their Internet/Otakon peeps. Okay, it wasn't bad at all, just had a little trouble finding their damn house, the roads up there suuuuuuck, but it's all good. I crashed up there last night, watched some clerks cartoon and LOTR2, then fell asleep on a bare mattress and woke up around noon or something, about 7 hours of sleep or something...then i woke up and just sat around bullshitting, ya know, just chillin...then I left.

Getting home (and to NJ) was easy, both our houses are pretty close to I-95 and we just had to like stay on it for like 80 miles.

Oh yeah, I FUCKING HATE THUNDERSTORMS! We drove thru godawful weather going there and on the way back. God, I had to slow down to just 5mph on Interstate 95... and I still could hardly see anything...would've pulled over and let it pass, but ya know, I'm glad I didn't, because like a minute after having that thought, some moron jackass fucking cuntbag passed me on the left shoulder. Glad I wasn't just sitting there.

So uh, that's what I've been up to lately, I drove into philly for the first time ever. No longer a philly virgin. That sounded gay.

which reminds me, my new phrase is:

Thursday, August 28, 2003

An Eye for an Eye...I guess

This is too weird, so I must share.

The weirdest part:
He lay down to sleep in some pig entrails that had been left there, but was caught by a search party from Panga seeking the men who had stolen the animals.

Pig guts. Opportunistic fuck.

One last question, how does one cut off ankles? Do you reattach the feet afterwards?

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

How old is the lawmaker's daughter?

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) -- A downtown bar featuring nude dancing has challenged a Missouri law that raises the minimum age for dancers from 18 to 19 years old.

Excuse me, but if Missouri law says that persons under age 18 are minors, than that makes those 18 and older not minors and therfore, how can there be another law that regulates non-minors from stripping? Let me guess, next year it'll be amended from 19 to 20 to coincide with the lawmaker's daughter.

This is just silly. Just plain ol' nutty man. Yup.

Monday, August 25, 2003

Dude, she was 22.

SALEM, MA-August 25, 2003 ó Police in Massachusetts have busted a woman for a bout of yoga in the buff.

Salem police arrested the 22-year-old over the weekend after getting complaints that a naked woman was sunbathing and doing yoga in Minto-Brown Island Park.

A police official says the woman was charged with public indecency and taken to the Marion County jail.

Unless she was incredibly ugly with puss oozing out of every oriface, what's to be offended about? And how young were these "children"?

the mugshot of the lady who said "she was trying to get closer to God". lmao how silly

Seperation of... Whatever?

I don't know what the hell is wrong with this country sometimes. How can I turn on the tv and see this crap in this day and age? What the fuck is wrong with Alabama? Why can't they understand that America respects all religions and nationalizes NONE. There is no national religion. This country was founded mainly to ESCAPE national religion.

The mindset of these people is more dangerous to America than terrorists ever could be. Terrorists wanted this to happen. Do you think that they just wanted to kill 3000 people in New York City? That's just a fucking number to them. Terrorists attacked us because they don't like our way of life (I know, no surprise there) but we aren't supposed to just sacrifice our freedoms. As the old cliche goes, "or the terrorists will win".

Again, the "Seperation of Church and State" clause in the constitution of the United States of America is practically the soul reason people up and left that other place on the other side of the big ocean.

But you know what? Alabama isn't wrong. The 13 federal judges are actually wrong. Not morally, they are correct in those terms, and not even by the consitution, they are wrong in that every oath of office get's innaguerated by swearing to serve with honor to the Holy fucking Bible. When did that become okay? Who died and made Christianity the national relgion?

Of course, I guess those federal judges aren't wrong; their job is to uphold the constitution, not to prevent themselves from looking hypocritical. And the Chief Justice in Alabama is acting like a fucking child who can't take no for answer. He has made a mockery of the constituition. He has not honored the decision by the higher court. This fact alone should make him go to federal pound-me-in-the-ass-prison. A few months ago, my friend lost a peace order case and if she violates that District court's Judge's decision, she can be sent to prison for contempt of court. How is this different from what the Chief Justice is doing?

Answer: It's not.

The real question? Why hasn't the federal court arrested this fool for contempt of court yet?

Seems like a clear cut case to me.

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Oddly Enough

I just realized by my recent perusal of my (backend) archives, that I have said the word 'fuck' in at least 5 entries in every month I have been blogging. Here's to more... fuckers!

Saturday, August 23, 2003

Damn Rednecks...

Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in West Virginia. Police advise earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.

The West Virginia State Police stated that the terrorists Bin Loafin, Bin Drinkin, and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues.

The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the state. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.

via this site, I just kinda stumbled across it, don't ask.

Friday, August 22, 2003


A federal judge on Friday denied Fox News Channel's request for an injunction to block liberal humorist Al Franken's new book.

Franken, reached by telephone immediately after the ruling, called the ruling a victory for the First Amendment and satirists everywhere -- "even bad satirists."

He also said he was grateful for the publicity generated by the suit. Publisher Penguin Group added 50,000 copies to the original run of 270,000 after Fox filed suit, and rolled out the book Thursday instead of its planned September release date.

"In addition to thanking my own lawyers," Franken said, "I'd like to thank Fox's lawyers for filing one of the stupidest briefs I've ever seen in my life." On Friday, the book was listed at No. 2 on's bestseller list, behind "The South Beach Diet."

I am so relieved and my faith in the Justice system in this country just jumped from a negative -666 to a -560, I just pulled those numbers out of my ass, so.... don't touch them.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

Issues with an iPod

ISSUE: Transfering music from one iTunes to another iTunes.
PROBLEM: Two macs aka two iTunes music libraries cannot share music via the iPod.

Yes, when I plug my iPod to my other mac to get songs off that, the only option I have is to erase all the songs on the iPod to put the other mac's library on it. I do that, then go to export those few songs to my mac, and I get the same message about replacing the music library on my iPod.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! I just want to export a few songs from one of my macs to my main mac!!! There has to be a way!!!

This is pissing me off, if you know what to do, please contact me.

Recall Bush

Forget Gray or Arnold, Recall George.


Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Top 10 Reasons I can beat up your grandma

10. She's old.
9. I'm not.
8. Her bones are fragile.
7. Mine aren't.
6. I have a 2nd degree blackbelt.
5. She doesn't.
4. She can't scream for help without throwing her back out.
3. She's blind in one eye.
2. I can see.
1. She's lying 6ft underground.
(bet ya didn't see that one coming)

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Oh, the porn possibilities are endless...

FCC gives the greenlight to AOL for video in AOL Instant Messenger. Oooh, I can't wait...maybe this will make me go back to using it.

So, what do you think video will do for AIM? Brainstorm your porn ideas thoughts in the comments.

Dear God, NO!!!!

Never, NEVER go to sleep after watching "Real Time w/ Bill Maher"! Or at least if MAnn Coulter is on it. Yes, that fucking deep-voiced ho invaded my head last night! It was a fucking nightmare!!!!

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Dem are fightin' words!

"'neither a journalist nor a television news personality. He is not a well-respected voice in American politics; rather, he appears to be shrill and unstable. His views lack any serious depth or insight.'" --Foxnews about Al Franken

Franken responds with...

"'I normally prefer not to be out of the country on vacation when I'm sued. However, from everything I know about law regarding satire, I'm not worried..'"


"'As far as the personal attacks go,' Franken responded, 'when I read 'intoxicated or deranged' and 'shrill and unstable' in their complaint, I thought for a moment I was a Fox commentator.'"

But wait, there's more.

"'And by the way, a few months ago, I trademarked the word 'funny.' So when Fox calls me 'unfunny,' they're violating my trademark. I am seriously considering a countersuit.'"

Al Franken is my newest hero.

Mac OS X for Dummies?

Yeah, WTF? I was in borders tonight and browsin thru the computers/internet section and there's a "for Dummies" book for Mac OS X. Come on. How more intuitive does Jobs need to make it? If you can't sit down, turn it on and figure everything out by using it, then you shouldn't be using computers at all. I mean, if you can't figure out Linux, big whoop, but OS X? You're either 3 or 83.

Yet Another Reason To Buy a Mac

A fast-spreading Internet worm detected Monday afternoon is infecting thousands of computers worldwide and is expected to cause headaches for business and home users running the Microsoft Windows operating system.

Hey Sam, am I right or am I right? :p

Monday, August 11, 2003

"Fair and Balanced" is owned by Foxnews


Foxnews is suing Al Franken because he used the term "Fair and Balanced" in his book.

I don't think it's fair and balanced for a tabloid to be suppressing opinions, afterall, that's what tabloids are all about, right? Write a bunch of shit that's just opinions about people's lives. That's what this tabloid does.

''The attempt to keep the public from reading Franken's message is un-American,'' she said.

I guess Oliver said it best, "Fair And Balanced! Fair And Balanced! I Said: FAIR AND BALANCED!"

Sweet Jumpin Pancake Al!

Rumors have it that...

By all accounts, Panther will indeed be complete in a matter of 4-6 weeks and although there is no fixed ship date yet -- one will not be determined until a Golden Master is selected -- most sources point to a release date in mid-October.

Bush's Hotmail

See, even the president uses hotmail! Why? To keep in touch with all his pals in September 2001.

Go thru and read each message title, it's the funniest thing I have heard since my last bowl of cocoa puffs.

via rich

Pop quiz!

What pair of pants did you almost wear today?

inspired by chris

Saturday, August 9, 2003

Eight Legged Freaks

I missed the first 30 minutes but I don't think it really mattered in a movie about giant arachnids. The acting, plot and story are attrocious. I am glad I didn't see this in the theater. The only bright side are a few one-liners that black guy from Cool Runnings and that show on cbs which also starred Bill Cosby. What's his name again? Anyhoo, that actor (whoever he is) and the phrase "arachattack!" are the only redeeming qualities to this peice of fucking shit of a film.

Friday, August 8, 2003

Guess the spam

Yes, a guessing game. Fill in the blanks.

Optimum will take your [ ] to new levels... Guaranteed!

Your [ ] will grow up to 3 inches

Your erections will be [ ]

Your [ ] drive will be supercharged

Your [ ] will be more [ ]

Your [ ] will be astounded

Go ahead and try. Don't be shy. That was not supposed to rhyme. Honestly.

Here's a hint:

Thursday, August 7, 2003

Recalling elections? That's so 2000.

The republicans are a bunch of whining crybabies when it comes to elections. Hey morons, the people of California voted for Gray Davis to be their leader, there's no do-overs!

I mean, if there was some fraudelant voting going on like 2000 jews voting for pat buchanon or a hanging chad, then contest the election all you want, but face the facts: Gray Davis was elected and deserves to finish his term in office. He's not a Ford vehicle. And if by some chance, Davis is recalled, then we should recall Bush. Hey, the republicans are setting a nice precedant here.

Republicians are such cry babies...for the love of allah, GET OVER IT!!!!!

Monday, August 4, 2003

What the hell is a popup window?

I'm a mac user, so I don't know. I never even see any. Somebody tell me what they are. Are they cool? Can you buy one at the store? What about taking them on vacation? SOMEBODY PLEASE INFORM THIS MAC USER WHAT A POPUP WINDOW IS!!!!!

Saturday, August 2, 2003

Legalize ALL Drugs

When alcohol ceased being prohibited, crime dropped substanially because the black market for booze was moot, people could get it anywhere. It's silly to waste money punishing people for smoking pot or abusing some other drug. Hey, I got news for you, ANYTHING can kill you if you overindulge in it. ANYTHING. Look at all the fat kids that are around today. They sit on their ass and do nothing except munch on junk. Juvenile diabetes has skyrocketed. I don't feel like looking it up, so go ahead make my day. Millions and billions of dollars are being used to lock up nonviolent people simply because they possessed a plant that grows naturally on the Earth. I could think of a million better ways to spend that money.

Legalize all drugs. Let Big Pot compete with Big Tobacco, let the FDA regulate heroin and other currently illegal substances. That way people can get the methadone treatment they need without fearing for their freedom.

You would think conservatives would be for this, as it makes government smaller (hence their party name), but nobody dares come close to this side of the issue.

People have the right to do whatever they want to their bodies. Yes, they still shouldn't drive high or drunk, as that effects other people, but arresting people for smoking a joint in their fucking private residence? That's un-American.

Rack me, I'm out.

Thursday, July 31, 2003

Want to Join My Cult?

That's right. I have a cult. Since when you ask? Since now. It doesn't have a name either. Hence the word 'it'. There's no requirements. It won't end in death.

Want to join my cult and worship me?

The RIAA has issues

Yes, I said ensaring. It's a big word, makes me look intelligent. *alert, alert, sarcasm detected*

"The industry has legitimate concerns about copyright infringement," said Coleman, R-Minn. "We are dealing with the stealing of a recording artist's songs, and the industry's profits. The industry has every right to develop practical remedies for protecting its rights.

"Yet, the industry seems to have adopted a 'shotgun' approach that could potentially cause injury and harm to innocent people who may have simply been victims of circumstance, or possessing a lack of knowledge of the rules related to digital sharing of files."

The RIAA has issues 900 federal subpoenas against computer users suspected of illegally sharing music files on the Internet, with roughly 75 new subpoenas being approved each day, court officials say.

You know, a subpoena is only sent to people who must testify. Subpoenas do not mean people are accused of a crime. That's a summons. Look it up.

The RIAA has a right to protect the work of artists, except they're more in it for the money, they really don't care about the artists, so who cares. Besides, bands make most of their money thru concert ticket sales.


Catch the typo in the article? The RIAA has issues... Hahahahahaha.