Saturday, August 31, 2002

Fear Dot Com

What would you think if the Internet could carry negative energy and just bad mojo? You'd be thinking that you're in a movie, because this isn't at all possible. Alas, this film is still pretty good.

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Thursday, August 29, 2002

Military Time

No, I am not joining the navy, or any of the others, but rather I am on their Mac suddenly went from 12-hour mode to 24-hour mode sometime in the last week and I can't figure out how to set it back! Trust me, it's NOT in the Date & Time properties. If only it were that simple, lol.

But you know what? I don't care anymore! The more and more I think about it, 12-hour mode is stupid. I mean, why make a system were the hours repeat? Why not one number for every hour of the day?

This said, I wanna share you a little "trick" I've discovered...well I have known about this since I was in elementary school (yeah I was that kind of kid) to figure out what time it is in 12-hour mode when in 24 hour mode, just subtract 12 from the current time. Example, 15:00 is 3:00PM. And that's another thing. There is no need for AM and PM in 24 hour mode. Now, I know that "trick" seems obvious but I can't tell you how many people I have told this to that didn't know that and were confused when somesaid 15:00 when asked what time it was.

Let's Start a Revolution! Down with 12-hour time!

Sunday, August 25, 2002

I found my teddy

Remember that Simpsons episode where maggie finds an old teddy bear and it turns out thats it belongs to Mr. Burns and he turns all soft when he gets his teddy back? Well I just found my old teddy bear while putting stuff away in the attac, and it was up there. I wanna know who put it up there. That's teddy abuse. Today is connect with your inner child day. I just made that up. But remember that. August 25th is now 'Connect with your Inner Child Day'.

Saturday, August 24, 2002


The best way to describe this film is that it's the opposite of The Truman Show, which is a film in which everybody is pulling a fast one on the main character; that his whole world isn't real. In Simone, or SIMulation ONE as it really means, the joke is played by one person on everybody else. Now this isn't a coincidence, both films were written by the same guy...Andrew Niccol, who also directed Simone (not The Truman Show) and Gattaca, the movie that brought Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke together. Simone is a great film, and everybody should see it, but I am puzzled why Jim Carrey didn't get to play Viktor Taranksy...he would have been perfect. Al Pacino sucks. He acts the SAME way in all his films. Don't believe me? Watch them again (I know, that sounds like a penalty) and try and tell me that he doesn't have the same scream in each one. I dare you. His "signature scream" is in all of them. He sucks. But Simone is sooo good that it overshadows this overactor, and is one Al Pacino film that I actually want to see again.

Also, I kept thinking that the little girl was the same girl in Panic Room. Kristen Stewart I believe...but it's not. Her name is Evan Rachel Wood...Evan? I never knew that was also a girls name, lol.

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Friday, August 23, 2002

Dammit, Quentin!

I was watching TechLive and they were talking about this company that masks "indecent" scenes in movies, and showed the dvd box of Pulp Fiction, but it looked different. Could it be? The long-awaited special edition, complete with deleted scenes, a commentary, and lots of extras? I then flipped around the tv a bit and started watching DateLine on NBC, then I saw a commerical for the special editions of Jackie Brown, Reservior Dogs, and Pulp Fiction. YES!

BUT! No commentary by Quentin on ANY OF THEM! Quentin you suck! You haven't made anything in 5 years, and by the time you do, it will be 6 and a half! Not like you have to make films every year, but c'mon, you could have done commentaries!

I still might get the Pulp Fiction special edition. I am curious about the deleted scenes...and I know I will buy Reservoir Dogs special edition, just so I can get those extra angles of the famous "ear" scene! Now I already own the bare bones version of 'Dogs so who wants to buy it from me. I think I will charge 10 bucks. That's pretty good. Kevin, you should buy it! You'll love this movie!

Apparently, I have been breaking the law

I just got a letter from Allfirst stating that I've been exceding the number of transactions in the last statement period. Allfirst states that this law is to "regulate how these accounts are used and to prevent their use as a transaction (checking) accounts." Who the hell are they to tell me how I can use my savings account?! This is how I use my accounts: I put my paychecks in savings and transfer, whenever needed, to my checking account. This way I do not spend too much, but hey, apparently that's against the law. Fuck the federal government. They're gay and this law is bogus.

But it doesn't stop there. This law only allows me 6 transactions via Internet and Telephone (yeah I know, who uses the phone?), BUT I can "make an UNLIMITED number of withdrawls or transfers from your savings account(s) in-person at the bank or at the ATM. Whoa, stop, hold the fucking phone. How the fuck does doing it in-person make it all better? What is so different about internet transactions? Somebody throw me be a frickin bone here.

The penalty for continuing to do this is that they continue to send me harrasing letters, because they get fined by the FDC, and the last resort is to "convert your account to a non-interest bearing account". Haha, when did the words "Savings" and "Checking" become hate words? What's with all the eupemisms here? "Non-interest bearing account"? That could be easier said by simply saying "checking"! But hey, this is way too much to ask for our federal fucking government.

Also, It wouldn't be too much to ask if Allfirst would send me a quality pamphlet that I can actually read. It's like they still are using dot-matrix printers!

So, I guess I'll have to stop the number of transactions I make online...yeah I will do that, I will make an absurd amount of transactions in-person and see if I still get fined. I guess I'm a real bad ass, huh?

Now, click more for a song I wrote (all in fun of course):

My Swivel Chair is Broken

This just started happening today. I go to sit at my desk and I notice that the chair is on its highest setting, then I sit in it, and it slowly decreases to the lowest setting. This is so annoying. I swear, my chair is mocking me.

Thursday, August 22, 2002

My world looks like Atari?

g-girl said this on the zonkboard...hmm...I never noticed this. Can anybody elaborate on this...respond and say how it looks like Atari and maybe even what games it looks like.

Also, since we're on the subject, what is (was) your favorite Atari game? I wish I could remember the titles...I lied, I never had Atari, but my friend next door had it, and I played it over there. My first console was the 8-bit Ninendo. I was in third grade. That would make it 1988.

Nouns that Suck

In lieu of Wil's latest entry, I'm gonna post the nouns that suck (people/places/things, duh).

Best Buy sucks. God, there service is awful. The make you buy DVDs you don't want to, just so you can buy the one you do want to buy. Why must they package DVDs together???? Don't shop here.

Microsoft sucks. Those who think Bill Gates is some genius who started from the bottom and worked his way to the top are morons. He never started from the bottom. He was born wealthy, hence why he went to an Ivy League school. It's also humorous how Microsoft likes to talk about inventing new computing tools and what not. They never invented anything. They stole every idea from someone else. Steve Jobs came up with the Mouse, for example.

John Asscroft can kiss my ass. His logic is so fucked up, he doesn't even realize it. What a loser.

President-Select Bush. Okay, this guy is just dumb. And if anybody votes to re-elect (actually thats just elect) this moron, is one. I'm sorry, but it's true.

CD-R's. Who invented these things? Well it wasn't Microsoft, that's for sure. Why is it a trial and error thing with these? Can't they make them so they work for all CD-RW drives? Geez, it's just common sense, folks.

Well I'm sure there's more, but I don't feel like typing anymore. Remember to watch The Screen Savers tonight. Wil's gonna be on!

Monday, August 19, 2002

I Hate CBS

I was sitting down for dinner tonight and the tv in the kitchen was on channel 9 (cbs up here) and the evening news comes on. I swear, Dan Rather really screamed his welcome message tonight! I nearly leaped out of my chair. Anyway, he mentions that he has a tape of Al Quaeda testing chemical weapons on a dog. He warns us. Yeah, right, like that helps. That just makes you wanna watch, dumbass. Then they show the dog choking on the gas, going into convulsions, and then dying. They do not cut away. They use a voice over. Shouldn't common sense prevail here? Especially during dinner hours? Not like playing this on the 4 O'Clock news is any better. CBS Sucks. Don't watch them. Don't support them. Dan Rather can take his little texas ass and split it. Okay, he's not bad. It's the show producers. He's just the anchor. He doesn't do the gathering and production anymore...or does he? I hope not. God, what is wrong with the media? Why do they think that people want to see this sick shit?

Video Blog!!!!!!

Okay, I am gonna claim foundership of these things. I came up with this idea Sunday Morning while I was eating my Rice Krispies. Then Kevin just had to get the idea on his own while I was at the movies. Without further ado, here it is:

For those having trouble with Quicktime click below

Sunday, August 18, 2002

Nothing like a spoof to tide you over

I found this blair witch spoof that my younger brother and his friends did on one of their sleepovers. Hope this brings some laughs while you wait for me to get my video blog up!

You need Quicktime 6 to view all my videos.

Blue Crush

Man, was this a fun movie. I'm not really into surfing or surfing movies for that matter (I think the last one I saw was Point Break), but something about this movie made me want to see it. What was it? Oh yeah, the babes. But boy oh boy, is this film so much more.

Read this review and others @

Saturday, August 17, 2002

Pluto Nash

Before I left for the theater, I hit up IMDb for the showtimes of this movie, and right across from the listing for Pluto Nash, was Austin Powers. I couldn't help but see the likeness in those names. I hoped the movie would be original and entertaining. Afterall, Eddie Murphy, the man, was the main star! You couldn't go wrong, could you? Well, something during the production went terribly wrong. This movie may have been original-- I mean has there ever been a movie about a night club on the moon?-- but it was by no means entertaining.

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Thursday, August 15, 2002

Top 10 Reasons Why Kevin is Cool

10. He loves movies.
9. He has more DVDs than I do.
8. He has his own domain name.
7. He built all his computers and has two servers.
6. One word: kevboard.
5. He liked my student film.
4. He wants to make movies or work in television some day.
3. He hosts my website.
2.He helps me with all my dumb html questions, and tries hard to act like he wants to. I know you must get tired of it! :)

and the number one reason why Kevin is cool...

1. He's a geek.


Now, come here, I gotta punch you 16 times.

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

How to Grow Plants

To grow plants in your condom follow these rules for successful eating. Give plants room to grow. Plants grow best in temperatures ranging from 55 to 9/11 degrees. Most plants love Vanilla Coke and could use 7 to 12 50 Gazillionity hours of direct sun every day. Porn Stars need just the right amount of Staplers too, not too much or too little. Give plants room to Fart through their thong and leaves. Use soil that contains toothbrushs. Plants need time to grow so be huge.

Brought to you by elibs

Monday, August 12, 2002

IRC quotes-- weirdly hilarious

My brother just showed this to me. Check it Out. We're in the same house and he IMs me. Go figure.

Sunday, August 11, 2002

Michael Jackson thru the Years

This is a funny read. Check it out.

The best quote from it is "only in a America can somebody be born a black man and die a white woman." What's with the creepy little girl voice, Michael? Or should I say, Michelle?


Some have been hailing this film as a new breed of secret agent films, a lot like the Bond series. Is it? Well kinda. The main character, Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) [yeah you try guessing which name is the actor's and which one is the characters!], is a secret agent kinda like James Bond...okay nothing like James Bond. This movie is just a rock'em, sock'em, action-packed joyride. Ne'er a dull moment. And am I surprised by that?

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The "Barbie" Pill

I was watching the news last night, and they had a segment about this so-called "magic" or "barbie" pill. It's called "Melanotan", and basically it makes you tan a lot (all over your body), increases your sex-drive(and you know how I like driving...), and if that's not enough, it also decreases your appetite so you can lose weight. It produces people who are tan, sexy, and thin. Hence the name "barbie" pill.

It's still in the testing phase, but they say in 2-5 years people will know more of the side-affects (if there are any bad ones), and would feel safe using it.

Now maybe I am being too superficial, but I think this news sounds soooo cool! I can't tan in the sun. I just turn all red and then peel.... It dices, it slices, it tans ya all over, and thats not all it gets ya up and thin too!

Oh yeah, it helps to prevent skin cancer!

[And y'all better give me the proper credit for this!] :-)

Saturday, August 10, 2002


Despite the fact that I saw the whole who-did-what, who's-the-killer of the movie, I really enjoyed this. A while back I mentioned how I despise surprise endings. Well not despise, I just think they're used to much and that decreases their effect on the audience. I kinda liked that I had the killer pegged, and that the writer and director didn't try to pull a fast one or a rabbit out of their hat. The performances were pretty good, with exception of the mexican cop-- altho that scene in the beginning (you know which one) was great! But overall that actor was over the top. Clint's still the man, and Jeff Daniels is downright creepy.

Oh, and the writer of this is Brian Helgeland who wrote LA Confidential and directed Payback (best Mel Gibson movie ever!) and A Knights Tale. He's a damn good writer...and director. So is Clint.

Now click more for me talking about spoilers, but don't if you want to see the movie.

Read this review and others @

Friday, August 9, 2002

Proof that Marylanders kick ass

via Robyn aka my Blog Grandma

Man, how embarrassing it must be for the FBI and the CIA...a pornographer took control of an Al-Qaeda website. Go Jon! Click here for the full story.

"I created the amateur housewife-next-door genre," he explained. "I bought a digital camera and convinced my wife to get naked for the Internet."

What'd he say?! Bota bing bota boom, hey honey, start strippin!

"I wanted to do something and I thought, 'What do I know? I know the Internet,'"

How can somebody "know the Internet"? That's pretty vague.

"Messner, using the aggressive tactics he's employed to run his adult site, said he 'hijacked' Al Neda for five days and recorded a 'virtual who's-who of every hostile message board and site on the Internet.'"

A porn site requires aggressive tactics? Well I guess people do try to hack into them to steal the pics, but...just doesn't seem like you could compare the two.

"Suddenly a message was posted," Messner said. "It said, 'The infidels have taken over the site. They are tracking you. The man doing this is an infidel, a pornographer.'"

I always love the use of the word 'infidel' reminds me of this Robin Hood game for the 8-bit Nintendo...but I think this guy oughta be given a medal or something.


Happy Fun Ball

Anybody watch SNL? You may have seen this commerical parody then...

via Jim

*Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to repture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
-Tingling in extremities
-Loss of balance or coordination
-Slurred speech
-Temporary blindness
-Profuse sweating

If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin. When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration... Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball includes an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.


Tuesday, August 6, 2002

Stick a Sock on my Dick and call me Flea

Just watched the video to "By The Way" and it's fuckin awesome, man! Totally fuckin' A!

Click here to watch it

You'll like it.

Now, where's that sock?

Monday, August 5, 2002

LAX Security


"AIRPORT security staff confiscated a TWO-INCH plastic gun from a toy soldier, it was revealed yesterday.

It's TWO INCHES people! But there are real guns that small...wait what I am saying?! This still doesn't discredit the fact that the TWO INCH toy gun was being held by a peice of plastic! I guess LAX Security is trying really really hard to NOT live up to their name. :D

"She said: 'Even though he's seven years old George knew the toy was missing an important part.' "

Was this before or after they disarmed the GI Joe?

"Security chiefs at Los Angeles airport said: 'We have instructions to confiscate anything that looks like a weapon or a replica.' "

"I explained what had happened, but he just kept shaking his head saying it was silly and Don't those people understand the gun was a toy? and couldn't shoot

Well kid, now you know...and knowing is half the battle!

Sunday, August 4, 2002

Master of Disguise

Okay, to fully enjoy this movie one must either be braindead or 7 years old. This movie stinks. You see, this is a moment" movie. It's just made up a handful (some really small hand at that) of funny scenes. Actually, the only pure hilarious scene is the "turtle club" scene, but unfortunattely, most of which was shown in the trailers. Ugh.

Why do they do this? This pisses me off. If it were my movie, I wouldn't show any thing in the trailer that was in the final cut of the movie. In fact, I would specifically shoot scenes to be used just for the sole purpose of making a trailer. And if they wound up great, I would still leave them in the trailer. I consider it a rip-off otherwise. I paid about 20 bucks to see this movie (tix and snacks) and I want to see something I haven't seen before. Then you say, "But if they don't show clips from the movie in the trailer, then how will they get people to see the movie?" Oh puh-leeze. Gimme a frickin' break. How did hollywood get the stupid idea to do this? Boggles the mind. A trailer shouldn't be a collection of good scenes, no, it should be an "intro" that introduces (hence the name) all or at least the majority of the major characters. It should never include anything that is in the movie. That really insults the audience. Why would any filmmaker want to show the good scenes over and over again in the trailer? Is there some rule about laughing in movie theaters? Why must we be forced to laugh in our living rooms? Dammit, I want to see it for the first time on a bigger screen! Is this the reason why I disliked the movie? No. All movie trailers do this...with the exception of a rare few. No, I dislike this movie because it was just unfunny, and the only funny scene that was in it was shown to death in the trailers. So yeah, I guess this is why I dislike this movie.

The Plot. Not much, but it's about Pistachio Disguisi, played by Dana Carvey. That should be a big friggin stop sign right there. Honestly, who names their son "Pistachio"? That's just nutty. So Pistachio's parents get kidnapped, and before anybody else besides Pistachio finds out, his grandfather shows up and knows about what happened. Which is kinda confusing at first, because earlier in the movie, I swear that in the first scene, the guy playing his father is said to be his grandfather, then later he's Pistachio's father. Oi vei.

The disguises were kinda funny, but I kept wanting to see more elaborate ones. You know, where it's not just Dana Carvey in a funny outfit, making funny voices and all? Maybe take a completely different person and have the audience think that is Pistachio? No? I guess that's too much to ask. No, it's not. They did this with Pistachio's father and grandfather, but never did it with Pistachio, not even when he got good at disguises.

Overall, I was dissappointed with this movie. It seemed like Carvey was trying to hard to be funny instead of just being natural, like his characters on SNL and in movies such as "Trapped in Paradise". The writing was tired and uninspired. Not to mention repetitive. C'mon, if the bad guy routinely farts at the same time, it gets predictable and UNFUNNY! This isn't rocket science people. But kids will like this, but adults should be bored...unless their braindead. Ah, braindead adults...kinda like Steve

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Saturday, August 3, 2002


Okay, in M Night Shymalan's third film, he does pretty good. He still doesn't capture the same feel of the supernatural like in THE SIXTH SENSE, but he comes close. Now, this movie isn't perfect. It's pretty good except for the beginning which is painfully slow and cliched, and laced with poor deliveries. So, it's the opposite of UNBREAKABLE-- that movie had a piss poor ending. Even Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix forgot how to deliver their lines correctly in the beginning. But alas, once the beings show up, the acting does as well. There's a great shot with Joaquin, Rory, and Abigal on the couch. It makes me laugh just thinking of it. There's other great shots as well, so I guess the horrible beginning is made up for. In conclusion, I was entertained (except in the beginning), and the acting is pretty decent (except in the beginning). Rory Culkin seems destined for stardom, even more so than his older brother was, and I liken this movie to "the story that wasn't told in INDEPENDANCE DAY". In that movie, we see the front lines, the aliens, their technology, but here, we see and get a story about characters and the common man. And because of that, this movie should appeal to everybody.

But there's one big problem that I haven't mentioned...there's a continuity problem! Something about fingers...

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