Sunday, June 30, 2002

Don't need a bigger penis, thank you

I keep getting spam telling me that penis enlargment really works!

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The website is titled "penis secrets", lol! I wonder who these people are who run these sites... it's just so funny... "penis secrets"... just makes you wanna scream "Yippee!!!" Why do they think I care?


Friday, June 28, 2002

Stupid is as stupid does.

This picture is real - not doctored in anyway - and was taken in the last few weeks in Waldorf, Maryland, by a transportation supervisor for a company that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber.

When he saw the Volkswagen Jetta with Florida plates in the parking lot of IHOP, he went and bought a camera to take pictures. The car is still running as you can see by the exhaust. A woman is either asleep or otherwise out in the front seat passenger side. The guy driving the car was over jogging up and down on Rt. 925 in the background.

Witnesses said the car's occupants physical state was OTHER than normal and the police just shook their heads in amazement. The driver finally came back after the police arrived and decided to cut the twine around the load. The police told him to get back until it was taken off. The materials were loaded at a nearby Home Depot (7.4 miles from the IHOP). The HD store manager said they had the customer sign a waiver! (No kidding!)

The load consists of 2 X 4s, 4 X 4s, and OSB sheets. In the back seat are 10 80-pound bags of concrete. The load is estimated at over 3,000 pounds. Both back tires are trashed. The back shocks were driven up through the floorboard. The car is a VW Jetta with FL plates and the guy said he was headed for Annapolis.

Who would be so stupid as to put that much lumber and that much cement in that little dinky car?! Everybody talk about this in your blogs, we must do something to prevent idiots from making this mistake several more times...

Saturday, June 22, 2002

Guess what happened to me

Guess what happened to me last night...

I GOT A SPEEDING TICKET! Yep, I'm no longer a virgin in that department. It was no dinky one either. I was on my way to pick up my brother at his friends house and I was going 70 in a 55 zone. 70 dollar ticket. I think that equals 2 points, hopefully just one.

But this pisses me off. It's not like I was driving recklessly! I was the only car on the damn road! It was 1 AM! And I also was under the impression that it was a 65 mph zone. Honestly, I was.

Oh well, I'm not gonna be a prick and take this court; I know I was wrong, and ignorance is never an excuse. I'm just gonna bite the bullet (oooh bad pun) and pay the fine.

Friday, June 14, 2002

Unoriginal fucks

Okay, it's been a while since I made post-- well more than a day anyway. I'll fill you in on the stuff that happened in the past day and a half later, but first I want to tell you this:

I just got the Chili peppers CD 'Mothers Milk" and I was listening to this song called "pretty little ditty".

Now, maybe I'm behind the curve on this, but there is a sequence of notes that is pretty d**n close to "butterfly" by Crazy Town. Too close for comfort. I didn't like Crazy Town before but now I pretty much hate them. Come up with original material, you Vanilla Ice wannabes.

Wednesday, June 12, 2002

Only in America

Saw this posted at Kevin's Blog.

Only in America

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Tuesday, June 4, 2002

Celebrity Prank Calls

Oh my fuckin god, you _HAVE_ to listen to this! It is hilarious!